Gary

2 years ago this month my father-in-law committed suicide. (this was actually written in June)

I was thinking about him today on the way home from work and how i can't believe its been so long now. I miss him.

About an hour ago Jason and I went to the coney island by our house. sitting a couple booths away was the spitting image of his dad. It made my heart beat faster. He got up from his table for a moment and i couldn't believe that he was even the same smaller build, and wearing the same type of clothing. A thin flannel-like button up with the sleeves rolled up and a t-shirt underneath. Same hair. Same mustache.

He was doing the crossword puzzle, kind of looking down his nose through his bifocals, slightly turned away. The warm glow of the hanging lamp looked like the light that would have been falling on his dad had be doing the same thing in his recliner in the living room.

I couldn't stop staring at him. It was sad and wonderful at the same time.

Then I started getting this feeling I get on rare occassions. I believe it is God prompting me. A feeling that I have to do something, am scared too, but know if i don't I'll feel even worse and regret it.

I started giggling cause I knew when i told Jason I was going to go talk to the man he would be horrified. He is so not like that. I told him and he kinda paused, eyes open wider. Tells me thats gonna make him very uncomfortable. I said yeah, how do you think its gonna make me feel? And his back was to him anyway. 

He said ok and I walked over to the guy. 

As soon as i started to speak he took off his glasses and smiled up at me with the kindest face. Just like Gary. : )

He said he gets that a lot, that he looks like people, and he expects it. 

Then I told him my father-in-law had been passed away 2 years now and I missed him and it was really cool just looking at him read his paper and eat dinner.

He tells me he just left a class at Madonna college on helping people deal with grief!

I asked him if he was a Christian and he kinda shrugged and said he was raised Catholic.

I told him 2 years ago my father-in-law dropped off all of my husbands baby stuff - clothes, drawings, teeth, etc., on our porch unexpectedly. He had had many emotional/mental struggles.

I had a feeling that something wasn't right and I said I was going to call him and talk to him about God the next day. Tell him how God had saved me out of a pit of depression and anxiety and darkness.

I didn't call and he ended his life the next day.

I told the man that I wanted to tell my father-in-law that God is real. He hears us, will help us. and loves us all. I didn't get to tell him, but I told the man, Douglas, that Jesus loves him, and he's real.

The man smiled so warmly, said wow, that is so sweet. Thankyou.

Then he told me that tonights class, that he had just come from, was on Suicide. It was about comforting people who are dealing with the loss of a loved one who committed suicide.

God blows me away. He is more real than this chair than I'm sitting on. Than the keyboard I'm typing on.

I love Him. : )