Chorazin

I have been meaning for a while to try and paint the feeling of the moment I experienced in these ruins in Chorazin in Israel. There wasn't actually water in there, but as I painted and was trying to convey the magical,  swirling, enveloping love and warmth I was surrounded by, it just kind of came out like this. And Jesus describes Himself as living water, so I kinda like that too : )

Journal entry from May 22nd 2007, the day I was there.

Today was beautiful. In the morning we went down to the shore where Jesus called out to Simon and Peter where they were fishing. There is a little waterfall shooting out onto the beach.

Then we went to Capernaum, where they have the remains of Peter's house, where Jesus also lived. And the synagogue, where Jesus shockingly preached that He is the bread of life.

Then we went to the Mount of Beatitudes where Jesus preached the Beatitudes to 5,000 people.

Then we went somewhere that changed me forever I know. The remains of a synagogue in Chorazin where Jesus preached. And Bill told the story of how Jewish men would become betrothed to their wives. Before they were married, they would sit with the woman and give her a glass of wine, saying "This is the covenant of my blood..." If the woman poured it out, she rejected him. But if she drank it, she was entering into a covenant, a promise with him, that she is pledged to him, and he will prepare a place for them in his families home, and when the place is ready for her, he will come back and get her.

So when Jesus presented the wine to the disciples and said "This is the covenant of my blood..." they knew he was saying this is a promise that he loves us and is pledged to us and he is going to prepare a place for us and he will be back for us.

You probably had to be there. Or you probably had to be me, but there was so much more said and it was maybe the most profound moment in my life. 

I was one of the last to come in, so I got a seat more by myself, more toward the center. I was sitting on the ground leaning my back against a column. All of the stones were a dark charcoalish color, and the ground was gravel of the same color. It was nice to be sitting more by myself because I was so overcome and I really cried. I just put my face in my knees and cried. I can still see the dark splotches falling onto the rocks through blurry eyes.

I felt SOOOOOO loved. I have never before or since felt such strong and tangible feeling of love as I did in that moment.

So cared for. So secure. So much more than had I even just been married. 

Jesus Christ. The beautiful, gorgeous, all-powerful and MIGHTY Messiah. Loves me. And I felt it. (And he loves you)

After we prayed, I weepily shared with the group how sad it is that there is so much adultery. People are looking for that 'in-love' feeling.

I left a space to continue writing, but never got around to it. I was just going to say that people are looking for that high. That in-love feeling we all know and love and is better than anything. And we seek it sometimes in ways that hurt us and hurt others and lead to nothing but brokenness and broken hearts and broken families and broken lives.

And all along there is our God, our Creator, who loves us more perfectly than anyone down here ever will. Who can fill our hearts to the brim with satisfaction, can fill our emptiness. Its so hard sometimes to slow down and take our eyes off everything we have going on and focus on Him, but when we do He will fill our hearts to the full. 

Sunflowers

Last Thursday my friend Lidia lost her ex-husband Rod tragically and unexpectedly. And her two young boys lost their Dad.

I know Lidia through a prayer group. 5 of us ladies, meet once a month at our friend's home. We have dinner and wine and talk and then we get out our bibles and pray together. We pray for the men in our lives, and each other, our loved ones, our world, and every other thing needed. Lidia and I joke we are like the Yaya Sisterhood, the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. : )

So last Friday, at 4 am, I awoke with a vision of sunflowers, blue sky, and Lidia. I figured I would paint it that weekend, thinking the funeral would be Monday or Tuesday, and would take to Lidia. But I couldn't go back to sleep and as I worked on finishing another painting I kept sensing I should do it NOW. I said ok Lord, I'll do it now. And it was quite emotional painting it. When i painted on the 'arms', I cried. Because it was like oh, i see what this is, even though I painted it, it was like someone else did and I felt so touched when I saw the little embrace, of Lidia holding her boys close.

I ended up finishing it in time to get ready for work and drop off at Lidia's house. She texted me later that she has been thinking about sunflowers a lot lately, just last month decided she is going to plant a bunch of them in her yard. Said they remind her of her mothers home in Tuscany. (And today she showed me several pieces of sunflower art throughout her home.)

And she told me that in Italian their meaning is Look to the Sun/Son. And that she took comfort in God showing her that we can look at the darkness, or we can look to Him for comfort and peace and hope.

So Sunday ended up being a small, intimate funeral, and she went to put the painting in the bag and planned to take with her to go along with her eulogy, and when she stuck it in it bumped on something, she said whats that and pulled it out. And it was the picture attached. It was taken on Fathers day.

A family member had given her the pics the day before, but she didn't make the connection, til that moment when she held them side by side. I had thought the flowers represented her and the boys, but obviously there was a different meaning.

When i looked at Rod's arms around his boys, and the flowers arms, and remembered the moment they came off my fingers and tears poured out, I exclaimed Oh My Gosh! And the sunflower leaves kind of mimic their hair, and the placement of their heads in the composition.

Just amazed. She said this has been a huge comfort to her and her boys, and I think its one of the most important amazing things I've ever been blessed to take part in or create.

In bible study last week they talked about how scripture reveals that we can't 'do' anything to make God love us more or less, but that when we delight in him, obey him, and seek him, He will demonstrate his Love to us more.

I have experienced this in so many precious countless ways over the last 5 years, this being one of the most moving. I am so thankful to be His.

Psalm 121:

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
   where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
   the Maker of heaven and earth.