Something More

Something different is happening for me this year. It started out with my house. My whole life I have struggled with clutter. And the word 'clutter' is putting it really, really nicely.

I have always had areas I would be embarrassed of if anyone saw them. In this house it has been the basement and the upstairs. I'm talking they were like gigantic junk drawers. Stuff strewn and piled everywhere. 

A couple years ago I started to try and keep them organized, but they would quickly revert. I even kept the basement in shape for a few months. When I had first cleaned it I was laid off and a little unsure about my future. It felt so good the day I finished cleaning it after 2 weeks of laboring down there. 

I decided to pray down there that night, and I felt as if God said to me, I am going to do this with your life. Like all of the areas of my life that weren't right he would be putting in order just as clearly as that basement. I felt very hopeful and excited. But a few months later it began to look like jambalaya again. And every time I went down there it was like a taunting, yeah right, your life is gonna get put in order. Mmm hmmm. You can't even keep the basement clean.

It felt like a disease. It felt beyond my control.

But this year, something was just different. I began to truly pray about it, and I thought, is there more to this? Is this some weird battle against some unseen force? Cause I just. can't. seem. to. overcome it. Seriously.

I did a Beth Moore bible study called Breaking Free, and it fit right in with the way I was feeling. About the clutter. My body. My lack of motivation.

It was all about strongholds. That even though we may be Christians, there are areas of our lives that we have not claimed victory over. That we let the enemy tie us down, keep us defeated, keep us from living the full lives God has created us for. And it was all about how to break free from these strongholds. And was very encouraging!

About the same time I ended up working out one day with Jill, a girl I have worked with for like 10 years but we've never really talked much. She ended up being a great motivator and for the first time in my life I have stuck with exercising for more than 2 weeks! 5 months actually, and I have lost 14 lbs! Slowly and just eating lighter, no calorie counting or crazy diets.

2 months ago my sister was asked to lead a bible study called When Wallflowers Dance. It was her first time leading so I joined her group to be supportive, but it wasn't the one I thought I wanted to do. I don't feel like I'm a wallflower. But I was positive and thought, I'm sure God has us here for a reason.

And it was so perfect! For my sister and myself. For such different reasons too. So many times during the video portion we'd be blown away by the way it would speak directly to us. One of the first sessions she talked about one of the first things we need to do in becoming a confident woman of God is to get our house, and our physical bodies in order. Exactly what I am working on right now.

And for encouragement for a couple of the wonderful ladies in my study I made them pretty designed bible verses with their names in them, as if God were speaking directly to them. (He is always speaking directly to us! But I literally put their names in the verse.) They were so touched and amazed by it and telling me I needed to do this and sell them. And that they wanted to buy more for gifts. As I have my whole life, I blew it off and thought yeah right in my head.

Then a few days later talking to Jill about being a Mom and working and wishing I could be at home, she was really encouraging and we discussed something I've considered I could create that are not really available now and most people would want them. And for the first time it seemed to make sense. And she came up with one other idea. And then the bible verse thing started to sound really feasible too. I opened an Etsy shop! Nothing in it, but there will be sometime soon.

And recently I had the childrens book illustration/cover being published. And a friend sent me a great link to the society of children's book writers and illustrators and said it is a great resource and networking tool. I am so excited that when I join I'll have an actual published piece to post on my page!

I have to start taking steps. I can't quit my job obviously. And it is hard to do things on the side with full time work and kids. But there is SOME time available. And in those hours I need to be taking steps toward the things God has gifted me with. Creations that will bless others and myself and help me to exercise the talents God has gifted me with instead of hiding them in the ground.

I am working on my 4th or 5th painting now, and it is so cool. And so many times I go to work on it and it just doesn't work and what I'm working on will look terrible. And I get face down on the ground and pray to God to give me what I need, to guide my hands, I acknowledge that he is greater than the greatest artist or teacher and he is all I need. And things fall right perfectly into place when I get back up.

I am excited to build my portfolio of paintings. So excited that about a year ago my coworker Rudy gave me a few painting lessons that kickstarted me and showed me I CAN! Jill asked me if I would paint a picture for her dining room. My initial thought was oh I can't do that, but you know what, I can!

I will always give Him all the glory. People might get sick of me talking about God, but nothing goes well for me without Him. He is showing me that I truly can do all things, through Him!

I have always had the belief that I couldn't do more. That I was blessed to have a good job, and that was about as far as it would go. There is too much competition in the world and nobody's gonna notice whatever I do on my own so why waste the time trying. My Mom and sister have always been telling me for years to try and do something with my talents, besides graphic design, and I have always blown it off.

But if I don't try, I can guarantee nothing good will come of it. But I believe, that if I keep taking steps forward, even if small, and if I give the glory to God, and consistently seek his hand in my life, you and I are going to see amazing things happen. In his timing. Not overnight. But if I am doing my part, He is going to do his. And his purpose for my life is going to be fulfilled. And I know it will be good.

My friend Rebekah sent me Psalm 57:2 last night: I cry out to God Most High, 

       to God, who fulfills his purpose for me.

Somedays Jill and I screw up on our diets and don't exercise. But we just get back on the wagon the next day. Somedays my house gets really messy. But there isn't a room anymore that couldn't be tidied up and presentable in 15 minutes.

On the last day of my bible study the other day, printed in huge print in my book was this:

The wallflower, who never thought it possible, can be filled to the fullness by the amazing presence and power of the Holy Spirit. That fullness brings a righteous confidence and that's when wallflowers begin to dance.

I look to the future expectantly. And plan to just keep getting back on that wagon when I fall off. No more staying down. This girl is getting up! And dancing all the way.

. 

The Vine and the Branches

Saturday night I was studying John 15, and Jesus telling us how he is the vine and we are the branches, and we are to remain in Him if we want to live and bear fruit. I was kinda struck by how many times he repeatedly tells us this in these passages. I guess He realllly wanted us to take note of this truth!

John 15The Vine and the Branches

 ¹"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ²He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. ³You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
 ⁵"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.⁷If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. ⁸This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
 ⁹"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. ¹⁰If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. ¹¹I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

So Sunday morning, my daughter slept unusually late and I was able to spend some unexpected time in prayer, during which my old church, Citadel of Faith, kept coming strongly to mind. I was like ok God, I guess I'm going to Citadel today! I haven't been there since last summer.

I walk in and am handed a bulletin, and what is printed nice and big on the front? I am the vine, you are branches!!! John 15! Wow! Loud and clear : )

I will be more deeply studying these passages and will share what I uncover!

And service was awesome. God used it to reiterate to me to keep having faith and trusting him and REMAINING in Him, and believing in the things He has promised! Even when an amount of time has passed that to me means something probably just isn't going to happen, I need to keep believing! (As I have also seen in the last few weeks!)

And worship is so awesome as always at Citadel. Such a blessing!

Sunday - March 30th (2 weeks later)- Oh my gosh!! Pastor Carey, from Citadel, just came to Northridge today for the first time in months and preached on John 15!!!!

On remaining in Christ, the true vine. 

Branches in close proximity to a tree but not attached will not grow. Every single day we need to be attached to Jesus, who, in his words, is THE true vine. And our fruitfulness will flow from there.

Also brings to mind for me, seek first the kingdom of God, and the rest shall be given to you!

I feel overwhelmed sometimes with the things I have to do. The things I want to do. But If I keep connected to him, keep seeking Him first, I can trust that His purpose will be fulfilled in me.

Thankyou!

My brother has been out of work for a long time and I was really beginning to become concerned for him. Have been praying for a long time, but really started seriously praying over the last month. One day last week I felt led to pray my entire lunch hour for him. I was so worried about his family. 

And that day I said God, please show me that there is really something to this. Cause I didn't 100% feel like doing it. Would have been easier to get some food and chat or Facebook. And I kinda felt like, does it REALLY matter if I go do this? But the situation was beginning to feel and look hopeless to me. 

And then! a few days later, a change in circumstances for the first time in a year and a half! My brother had gone and taken tests to get certified to be a heavy duty certified master mechanic, and had passed all the tests. And a job offer, that he needed to be certified for!

And just found out he got the job, and is excited about it, and is perfect for him. He will be on call and doesn't have to punch in somewhere everyday and the pay is good.

And now I sit here full of hope for him!! And seeing good things happening and something changing! And 2 weeks within begging with all of my heart for something to just change already. After asking God to please show me the power of prayer.

I am so grateful. So grateful that at night I don't have to ask anymore for my brother to look for and find a good job, but that we now get to thank God every night for providing!

Psalm 6:9

The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer.

Psalm 66:19

but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer.

The Parable of the Sandwich Sign

by Max Lucado

I am the voice of the one calling out in the desert: "Make the road straight for the Lord."
John 1:23

The faces of the three men were solemn as the mayor informed them of the catastrophe. "The rains have washed away the bridge. During the night many cars drove over the edge and into the river."

"What can we do?" asked one.

"You must stand on the side of the road and warn the drivers not to make the left turn. Tell them to take the one-lane road that follows the side of the river."

"But they drive so fast! How can we warn them?"

"By wearing these sandwich signs," the mayor explained, producing three wooden double-signs, hinged together to hang from one's shoulders. "Stand at the crossroads so drivers can see these signs until I can get someone out there to fix the bridge."

And so the men hurried out to the dangerous curve and put the signs over their shoulders.

"The drivers should see me first," spoke one. The others agreed. His sign warned, "Bridge Out!" He walked several hundred yards before the turn and took his post.

"Perhaps I should be second, so the drivers will slow down," spoke the one whose sign declared, "Reduce Speed."

"Good idea," agreed the third. "I'll stand here at the curve so people will get off the wide road and onto the narrow." His sign read simply "Take Right Road" and had a finger pointing toward the safe route.

And so the three men stood with their three signs ready to warn the travelers of the washed-out bridge. As the cars approached, the first man would stand up straight so the drivers could read, "Bridge Out."

Then the next would gesture to his sign, telling the cars to "Reduce Speed."

And as the motorists complied, they would then see the third sign, "Right Road Only." And though the road was narrow, the cars complied and were safe. 

Hundreds of lives were saved by the three sign holders. Because they did their job, many people were kept from peril.

But after a few hours they grew lax in their task.

The first man got sleepy. "I'll sit where people can read my sign as I sleep," he decided. So he took his sign off his shoulders and propped it up against a boulder. He leaned against it and fell asleep. As he slept his arm slid over the sign, blocking one of the two words. So rather than read "Bridge Out," his sign simply stated "Bridge."

The second didn't grow tired, but he did grow conceited. The longer he stood warning the people the more important he felt. A few even pulled off to the side of the road to thank him for the job well done.

"We might have died had you not told us to slow down," they applauded.

"You're so right," he thought to himself. "How many people would be lost were it not for me?"

Presently he came to think that he was just as important as his sign. So he took it off, set it up on the ground, and stood beside it. As he did, he was unaware that he, too, was blocking one word of his warning. He was standing in front of the word "Speed." All the drivers could read was the word "Reduce." Most thought he was advertising a diet plan.

The third man was not tired like the first, nor self-consumed like the second. But he was concerned about the message of his sign. "Right Road Only," it read.

It troubled him that his message was so narrow, so dogmatic. "People should be given a choice in the matter. Who am I to tell them which is the right road and which is the wrong road?"

So he decided to alter the wording of the sign. He marked out the word "Only" and changed it to "Preferred."

"Hmm," he thought, "that's still too strident. One is best not to moralize. So he marked out the word "Preferred" and wrote "Suggested."

That still didn't seem right, "Might offend people if they think I'm suggesting I know something they don't."

So he thought and thought and finally marked through the word "Suggested" and replaced it with a more neutral phrase.

"Ahh, just right," he said to himself as he backed off and read the words:

"Right Road—One of Two Equally Valid Alternatives."

And so as the first man slept and the second stood and the third altered the message, one car after another plunged into the river.

From A Gentle Thunder
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1995) Max Lucado

Exciting!!!

A couple huge answers to prayer in the last week. God is so good.

One I can't be specific with, involves a loved one I don't want to specifically call out, but was really beginning to become concerned for them. Have been praying for a long time, but really started seriously praying over the last month. One day last week I spent an entire lunch hour praying for them.

And that day I said God, please show me that there is really something to this. Cause I didn't 100% feel like doing it. Would have been easier to get some food and chat or Facebook. And I kinda felt like, does it REALLY matter if I go do this? But I felt like the situation was beginning to look hopeless. 

And then, a few days later, a change in circumstances for the first time in a year and a half! And now I sit here full of hope for this person I love!! And seeing good things happening and something changing!

And the other - I have been praying for a long time for God to help me use the talents he's given me. I specifically pray for him to help me become a children's book illustrator. To use my talents to delight little children, and eventually, to create faith-based books that help children understand the awesome God that he is!

2 years ago my sister's brother-in-law asked me to illustrate a cover sheet for a manuscript he was sending out to publishers. 

He emails me the other day to tell me it is getting published and to ask if I am ok with them using my illustration for the cover! He sent me a pdf, and the design was not very good. I asked if he thought they would be open to me redesigning it. They said yes and ended up loving it. He asked if I would be interested in doing some freelance work!

I never find the time to paint. I set aside time to do it, but then never do it, and feel guilty and like I am never going to get anywhere with this.

But now I will have a published book with my artwork and design on the cover! And hopefully a few more to come. Even if the pay is not good I will do what I have to do to get a little portfolio of books started and hopefully get my foot in the door. 

And I will be praying for the door to swing wide open! : )

It's Been A While!

My lack of blog posting makes me realize I'm slacking in my time in prayer and God's word. Cause when I'm in those things I have all kinds of things my heart wants to share!

I need to make and keep some early morning coffee dates with my creator ; )

One really cool thing I'm excited about though is my husband agreed to one night a week of bible study or listening to a sermon with me. THAT in itself is a miracle and an answer to prayer! We are listening to a 9 week series that was recommended from a church in NYC. Listened to our first one the other night!

And one theme that came up, that I've heard before and really like, is how in the bible it tells husbands to LOVE their wives, and wives to RESPECT their husband. This doesn't mean that men don't have to respect us, or we don't have to love them. But those are the main things it calls us to do for one another. And what wife doesn't just love being loved on, and what husband doesn't love to feel respected.

I heard a woman once say at a seminar they asked the room if you could only have one, which would you choose, love or respect. She said nearly every woman in the room chose love, and nearly every man in the room chose respect.

God knows what we need, what drives us, what makes us tick. And when we follow Him and His word, the path becomes smooth before us.