I've MOVED!

To my new website. Yay! :o)
It has a blog built right in.

http://www.glimpsesofheaven.us/blog/

The Old City

In the last few hours of our trip in Israel, my friend Vicki and I needed to get back to the Jaffa gate to meet our group. We were in the old city in Jerusalem. The torah scribe we were picking up our souvenirs from said a woman in the store was going there and would show us the way.

She spoke no English and took us a very different way. What should have taken 5 minutes turned into 25 and she was taking us down deserted corridors. I was terrified. All trust in the God forgotten along the way. She tried to lead us up a flight of stairs to a little apartment and I said no way.

She was all dressed in flowy white and would just turn around every once in a while and smile, and she totally freaked me out. In the end she took us to our destination. She wanted no tip, smiled and went on her way.

Vicki was calm the whole way and said she thought she was giving us a unique view of the city. I thought she was leading us to our demise lol. Later Vicki saw a special on tv and said she thinks she was maybe trying to show us where the last supper may have been when she was leading us up those stairs.

I think I totally missed out on a blessing by walking hand in hand with fear. But the silver lining was where i had been sad about going home before, I was happy a few hours later to be on the way to the airport to see my family : )

And the memory was burned into my mind enough to paint it, otherwise I may have never thought of it again : )

   

LOVE

Just have to write this right now before it all slips away. I am still sitting here, candles and lights glowing, old music playing, my husband sitting beside me, Gianna flitting around in her little white dress. Still wearing my wedding dress.

Married 10 years, we decided to stay in and have a fancy dinner. I prayed to God it would be precious. There were moments before we sat down, cooking it, kitchen a mess, trying to get dressed, little bickering trying to creep in, and I kept praying to the Lord to just let his peace fill our hearts and home. It felt on the verge of turning crabby and not fun.

Once we sat down, it was perfect and beautiful and precious. We prayed and talked and it seemed to go on forever, for hours. Dinner and dancing, dessert and dancing. Pictures, kisses, laughing, just felt so good in that dress.

It just felt as special and precious as my wedding day. I have a little lump in my throat thinking of the day ending.

I also find it interesting today, totally unplanned, ended up being the first day I tried to truly treat today as a true day of rest, as God commands us. I cooked most everything I could yesterday, got everything ready, and today just relaxed and painted and prayed and was mindful of God around me. Took a nice nap with G. Got a little hectic just before we sat down to eat, but other than that, today was precious. I realize true riches have nothing to do with money. And I credit the Lord with bringing my heart, our hearts, to a place where such joy is even possible. He is so good. Before him I didn't see the riches right around me or take the time to enjoy what is available to me.

 I am sure some people think I'm too much about Him, but I truly know without Jesus, without my father in heaven, I wouldn't experience things the way I do. Because I didn't use to. I have lived the way of the world (for most of my life) and I have lived the way of the Lord. His way is immeasurably better. He is precious and brings joy and blessing into my home, marriage, heart. Just can't believe how much I loved today. How much I am loved today : )

Venetian Sunshine

Almost 15 years ago now  I went to Italy. Just for a week, backpacked and stayed in hostels. I have tons of memories that feel like they were yesterday, have painted a few of them now.

In Venice I have this memory of being off the beaten path in what felt like a more residential area with laundry hanging, super colorful buildings, and not a lot of people around. When I search google, all I can find like this is Burano Island, a fishing village which matches my memories pretty much exactly, yet I read its 40 minutes from Venice and I know we didn't go there, lol.

My inspiration for the lady is kind of a celebration of where my heart and our marriage has grown to. In a couple weeks we will have been married 10 years! I would say the first 5 years things were slightly downhill, the last 5, things have been uphill. Thank God. Literally.

She is grinning at her husband who is inside flirting with her. She loves her husband, is happy in her cute little home, and is finding purpose in taking care of it and her family.

The next part might rile people up a bit, but its the truth for me and I'm sharing cause thats just how I roll ; )

Around 6 years ago or so when I really started believing and reading the bible, and finding it was bringing peace and wonderful things to my soul, I was NOT on board with the women submit to your husbands, or the not 'withholding' yourself if you know what I mean. Was very bothered by it. Can remember almost arguing with my friend Rebekah after she gave me a sermon about it and I think steam came out my ears.

BUT, on the same hand, it also tells the man to love the woman as himself. To lay down his life for her. I think 'lay down his life' means more than just literally die, but daily lay aside his own interests for the best interest of his wife.

Then I heard this woman on the radio talking about it one day. And she said at some conference they asked the audience if you could only have one, love or respect, for the rest of your life, what would you have. She said nearly all of the women said love, and nearly all of the men said respect. It got me thinking about it.

My husband doesn't really require anything crazy for me to submit to. He's not saying go scrub the floor with a toothbrush. But over the last couple years, I have started treating my husband with more appreciation and honor and respect, even when I felt he didn't totally 'deserve' it. I have fought him less on things, regarded him more as the man of the house, and have been much more available to him, if you know what i mean ;).

And naturally in return, he has treated me more lovingly, which in turn makes me more loving and attracted to him, and its like a snowball effect in a good way. And has been that way for quite a while now. We have bad days here and there of course, but most of the time, I feel loved and cherished, and he feels loved and respected, we are attracted to each other, and its a good thing. (and he does things like help around the house more and offers to use his poker winnings to pay for art classes :)

And the root cause of all this goodness is me deciding to go by God's word even when initially I was offended by it. But it has brought nothing but blessing and bonding upon us. God knows what we need even when we think we know better.

And the neatest is while he was taking the photos of me posing like a dork for this painting at midnight in the kitchen, we were talking about all of this. We both know clearly what God has done for our marriage, even if he isn't exactly where I am as far following Him. So intertwined in this painting is the memory of me posing like that and talking about all these things represented by it with him. : )

And I think its neat to know that over the years I am sure there have been women in this colorful little village who have come across the same truth and have leaned out the window to grab the laundry on a sunny day, looked out at the water and looked forward to their husband coming home from fishing : )

Chorazin

I have been meaning for a while to try and paint the feeling of the moment I experienced in these ruins in Chorazin in Israel. There wasn't actually water in there, but as I painted and was trying to convey the magical,  swirling, enveloping love and warmth I was surrounded by, it just kind of came out like this. And Jesus describes Himself as living water, so I kinda like that too : )

Journal entry from May 22nd 2007, the day I was there.

Today was beautiful. In the morning we went down to the shore where Jesus called out to Simon and Peter where they were fishing. There is a little waterfall shooting out onto the beach.

Then we went to Capernaum, where they have the remains of Peter's house, where Jesus also lived. And the synagogue, where Jesus shockingly preached that He is the bread of life.

Then we went to the Mount of Beatitudes where Jesus preached the Beatitudes to 5,000 people.

Then we went somewhere that changed me forever I know. The remains of a synagogue in Chorazin where Jesus preached. And Bill told the story of how Jewish men would become betrothed to their wives. Before they were married, they would sit with the woman and give her a glass of wine, saying "This is the covenant of my blood..." If the woman poured it out, she rejected him. But if she drank it, she was entering into a covenant, a promise with him, that she is pledged to him, and he will prepare a place for them in his families home, and when the place is ready for her, he will come back and get her.

So when Jesus presented the wine to the disciples and said "This is the covenant of my blood..." they knew he was saying this is a promise that he loves us and is pledged to us and he is going to prepare a place for us and he will be back for us.

You probably had to be there. Or you probably had to be me, but there was so much more said and it was maybe the most profound moment in my life. 

I was one of the last to come in, so I got a seat more by myself, more toward the center. I was sitting on the ground leaning my back against a column. All of the stones were a dark charcoalish color, and the ground was gravel of the same color. It was nice to be sitting more by myself because I was so overcome and I really cried. I just put my face in my knees and cried. I can still see the dark splotches falling onto the rocks through blurry eyes.

I felt SOOOOOO loved. I have never before or since felt such strong and tangible feeling of love as I did in that moment.

So cared for. So secure. So much more than had I even just been married. 

Jesus Christ. The beautiful, gorgeous, all-powerful and MIGHTY Messiah. Loves me. And I felt it. (And he loves you)

After we prayed, I weepily shared with the group how sad it is that there is so much adultery. People are looking for that 'in-love' feeling.

I left a space to continue writing, but never got around to it. I was just going to say that people are looking for that high. That in-love feeling we all know and love and is better than anything. And we seek it sometimes in ways that hurt us and hurt others and lead to nothing but brokenness and broken hearts and broken families and broken lives.

And all along there is our God, our Creator, who loves us more perfectly than anyone down here ever will. Who can fill our hearts to the brim with satisfaction, can fill our emptiness. Its so hard sometimes to slow down and take our eyes off everything we have going on and focus on Him, but when we do He will fill our hearts to the full. 

Sunflowers

Last Thursday my friend Lidia lost her ex-husband Rod tragically and unexpectedly. And her two young boys lost their Dad.

I know Lidia through a prayer group. 5 of us ladies, meet once a month at our friend's home. We have dinner and wine and talk and then we get out our bibles and pray together. We pray for the men in our lives, and each other, our loved ones, our world, and every other thing needed. Lidia and I joke we are like the Yaya Sisterhood, the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. : )

So last Friday, at 4 am, I awoke with a vision of sunflowers, blue sky, and Lidia. I figured I would paint it that weekend, thinking the funeral would be Monday or Tuesday, and would take to Lidia. But I couldn't go back to sleep and as I worked on finishing another painting I kept sensing I should do it NOW. I said ok Lord, I'll do it now. And it was quite emotional painting it. When i painted on the 'arms', I cried. Because it was like oh, i see what this is, even though I painted it, it was like someone else did and I felt so touched when I saw the little embrace, of Lidia holding her boys close.

I ended up finishing it in time to get ready for work and drop off at Lidia's house. She texted me later that she has been thinking about sunflowers a lot lately, just last month decided she is going to plant a bunch of them in her yard. Said they remind her of her mothers home in Tuscany. (And today she showed me several pieces of sunflower art throughout her home.)

And she told me that in Italian their meaning is Look to the Sun/Son. And that she took comfort in God showing her that we can look at the darkness, or we can look to Him for comfort and peace and hope.

So Sunday ended up being a small, intimate funeral, and she went to put the painting in the bag and planned to take with her to go along with her eulogy, and when she stuck it in it bumped on something, she said whats that and pulled it out. And it was the picture attached. It was taken on Fathers day.

A family member had given her the pics the day before, but she didn't make the connection, til that moment when she held them side by side. I had thought the flowers represented her and the boys, but obviously there was a different meaning.

When i looked at Rod's arms around his boys, and the flowers arms, and remembered the moment they came off my fingers and tears poured out, I exclaimed Oh My Gosh! And the sunflower leaves kind of mimic their hair, and the placement of their heads in the composition.

Just amazed. She said this has been a huge comfort to her and her boys, and I think its one of the most important amazing things I've ever been blessed to take part in or create.

In bible study last week they talked about how scripture reveals that we can't 'do' anything to make God love us more or less, but that when we delight in him, obey him, and seek him, He will demonstrate his Love to us more.

I have experienced this in so many precious countless ways over the last 5 years, this being one of the most moving. I am so thankful to be His.

Psalm 121:

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
   where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
   the Maker of heaven and earth.

Beneath the Starry Sky

Last Saturday Gianna and I slept in a tent for her first time at my nephews graduation party. I left the rain fly off even though there was a chance of rain because it was so terribly hot and wanted the circulation. It ended up being perfect because you look right up into the night sky. I fell asleep surrounded by the sounds of our family and friends, looking up into the stars as I prayed for them.

I awoke in the middle of the night with the moon so brightly shining in on us. In that moment I felt SO blessed, laying there with my little girl, God shining down on us. I felt so loved and protected and content. And I just can't believe this simple little painting, so perfectly captures the feeling I treasure in my heart.
: )

(And the little Moon poem I painted on ~ when I watched the story of Jaycee Dugard, who was kidnapped for 18 years. She said one of the things that comforted her was every time she saw the moon she would say that little poem her Mom used to say and remember the love her mom had for her. And during her time there she had 2 children, which is sad, but also was a huge blessing, because she loved them very much, found purpose and joy in taking care of them and teaching them, and her captor didn't touch her or them anymore after she had them. It is so amazing to me that she is alive and well and at peace after all those years, and I thought of her as I lay in the tent with just my little girl and the moon shining in.)

Tia

Have to get this sweet little story down. So simple but I keep thinking of it and know eventually I would just forget it and would be lost.

One evening last week I was just feeling a little blah. Jason wasn't home and I felt like getting out of the house. I'd already eaten but Gianna hadn't so I asked her if she wanted to go to Taco Bell. She said yes of course. But when we go to leave I realized I didn't have a carseat in my car, had left it at work after someone borrowed it.

She was so bummed and crying and whining. I called my Mom but no answer, thinking she'd come take us. I did NOT feel like riding my bike but I did. On the way there I prayed for God's Holy Spirit to be upon us and lift our own spirits and give us joy. And I said a couple verses like "this is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it" and "the joy of the Lord is my strength".

As we were sitting there in Taco Bell and I was watching Gianna eat this little girl comes up to our table. She was maybe two and very tiny. She just stands there her face upturned smiling the biggest smile at us. I asked what her name was but she just kept smiling. She puts her hand on Gianna's arm and smiles up into her face and Gianna said 'awww I love her.'

Her mom was in line and said Tia get over here. Tia ran to her mom but then flitted back to our table. She was like a little butterfly. Just kind of moving around our table, huge smile and shining eyes looking at us. Gianna and I were giggling and talking to her and she never talked back but just danced around us and smiled. Seemed like it was for 5 minutes or so.

Her Mom finally came and got her and we said bye and God bless you and as they are almost out the door Tia runs back to our table and hangs out again. Her mom patiently for at least a minute stood in the doorway waiting while she delightfully lifted our spirits. : )

As they finally left we said a prayer for them that they would have the same joy in their hearts she had brought into ours. Her smile left smiles on our faces too.

And then we left and got slurpees and as we drove home had the most beautiful sunset, where it had been grey on the way there.

I am just so grateful that whenever I am down and pray to God and ask Him to be present and lift me up He answers. He did the same on Saturday afternoon when I got into a bit of a funk.

Psalm 37:23 ~ The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. (NLT)

He cares and He hears us!

Steven

There's a guy near my house with what I'm guessing may be cerebral palsy. I wrote about him once but was quite a while ago.

For years I've occasionally seen him, going alone in his wheelchair, black wide brim hat, head down, kind of folded up in his wheelchair. Going at a snails pace down Farmington Rd. I wonder where on earth could he be going, because there are no houses for blocks and he goes sooooo slow.

A few years ago I felt God prompting me to stop and talk to him. Just that feeling I get when I know I'm supposed to do something. Hot feeling in my chest and can think of nothing but what I'm supposed to do. I stopped and talked to him with my heart beating wildly. Was hugely difficult for me to do. Every step like going against a strong current. Found out his name was Steven, could see was delighted to be spoken to, but felt bad I couldn't understand him very well.

I've stopped to talk to him probably 3 or 4 times since. Each time gets more comfortable. One day I blogged about him because God used him to lift me up when I was really down. And that day a couple stupid little frustrating mishaps happened to even get me on a different route home which caused me to end my day talking to him.

Last night on the way home from my Grandma's I saw him, haven't seen him since last fall. Gianna and I got out to talk to him. I wondered how she'd react, she's never met him. He looks different than most people she's used to. And his teeth look pretty bad, and his hands are kind of deformed and he's all doubled over and talks funny and his eyes kind of go different ways.

She was fine! And he was so happy to meet her. He laughed and told her she was cute and she laughed. He asked her how old she was and told us how old he is, 51. We prayed with Steven and I told him that some day we will be in heaven and he will be free from his struggles and we are going to dance together and I can't wait!!!! And he and Gianna laughed and giggled.

When we got in the car Gianna said someday his legs are gonna work good and his arms are gonna work good and he's gonna talk good and he's gonna get up out of that wheelchair!!!

And I said isn't it nice that God uses us to help make other people happy? How Stephen was laughing and so happy to meet Gianna and it made him happy? And she says 'he made us happy Mama! We were laughing!' Amazing. :o)

So tonight Gianna had a pretty bad nightmare. She said she saw a monster and was crying pretty hard for quite a while. We sang Jesus loves me like 5 times and then I said lets think of things that are pretty, things that make you happy. And we were saying sunsets and flowers and lakes and trees and sandcastles and up north and Aunt Cheryl's house and lots of good stuff and then Gianna says what was his name? And I said who? And she said by Grandma's house. And I say Steven? And she says 'yes! Thank you God for Steven. He makes me laugh. Make his legs work good.'

And we prayed for Steven and for God to keep his heart happy. And I was SOOOO touched, that lying in the dark, trying to shake off visions of a monster, it comforted Gianna to think of Steven! With his outward appearance I wouldn't imagine such a thing, but she saw his heart, his sweetness, his spirit.

Precious : )

Friends

Yesterday I was feeling bad for Gianna not having many friends. She doesn't go to daycare or preschool yet and 90% of the time she's around adults.

We were on a bouncy castle at a little church down the street and she kept yelling these are my friends mama!! And when they left she looked all sad.

Then we came home and my mom said she found Gianna a friend down the street, but when we went down there she couldn't play.

I tried calling our friends around the block but don't think they were home.

Gianna cried on the porch that she wanted a friend to play with and when other people walked by would say maybe they play with me?

I felt sad for her and we walked to the park. As we walked across the field the sky was gorgeous and I said lets pray Gianna. I prayed out loud for God to be with us and give us joy in our hearts. And for him to give us friends for Gianna. And even specifically said some Christian friends who love Jesus too.

We get to the playground and there was a young couple about my age with 4 kids there. And girls Gianna's age. They seemed really nice and their kids were so sweet and played so well together. The couple was sitting on the park bench talking and you could tell genuinely liked each other. I told them how beautiful their family was and was chatting with them a little while Gianna played. Strangely I felt like I just knew they had to be Christians and wanted to ask if they were but felt weird.

Then I thought one of the womans tattoos looked like it might have been a Jesus fish, but she moved, and then I saw Phillipians 4:13 tattooed on her other arm and was like you guys are Christians! She said when I told them how beautiful her family was she almost was going to say that's because we put God first!

I asked them if they go to a church in the area, and they go to my church!!! To the same service Jason and I go to when he's available. And they eat at the same place after lol.

And her name is Jennifer. And she loves taking pics of sunsets and posts them on Facebook. Sound familiar? lol!

I told them my prayer walking across the field and they couldn't believe it. Gianna played while we talked and the sun went down and Jennifer took pics of it with her husbands phone. We exchanged numbers and hugged and she said her best friend just moved to Syria and she feels like God just brought a new person into her life. And her oldest daughter walked up to us at one point and said you guys kinda look alike.

They said Gianna can come play whenever we want, they live on the other side of the park, and as we left her children were all calling out "Bye Gianna!!!"

As we walked away I said wow Gianna, we prayed for God to give us friends and He did!!!!!

And then I am attaching the coloring sheet they did this morning at church! Amazing!!!!!

And one other funny thing, yesterday morning I told Jason I keep thinking I might want to get a tattoo related to my faith, maybe one of my favorite verses. And then seeing her tattoo of her fav verse is what really connected us.

God is so cool! : )

Real Love in the Strip Club

Last night Citadel of Faith Covenant church in Detroit teamed up with Eve's Angels, a ministry dedicated to women in the sex industry, and they shared the love and hope of the gospel at a strip club.

I asked my friend Barb this morning how it went.

She said:

Hi! It went extremely well :) Pastor only took a small group in the club while Mark had a group outside in the neighborhood [praying]. The club let them in with no hassle and they had a lot of favor! The rest of us stayed at the church and prayed. The biggest praise report was this: One of the strippers had just prayed THAT day that God would send someone to "get her out". Imagine her surprise when He did just that! Also, some of our own members got free of some things and experienced healing. It was pretty darn awesome!! The other cool thing was while we were all praying we prayed and prophesied some specific things and when the groups came back, they reported a lot of the exact things we prayed-in the exact words!! 

How awesome is that? God is good.  He blows me away. Blown away that the club even let them in, and super amazed that someone asked God to send someone to them that day. 

Psalm 18:6 In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.

Delighted

Last summer I prayed for God to give me a wide open beautiful space where I could watch the sunset. Was looking all over and couldn't find one. And He did. A place I have all to myself. Big open green grass and gigantic sky.

Last week when people were posting spectacular pics of the sky at the tigers game I asked God to bless me with a sky as beautiful. I so feel His presence looking at such gloriousness.

Tonight I was blessed with this. It was way more spectacular than this. My phone was dead and I was missing the moment trying to plug it in and take pics from the car. I snapped these as I was leaving after it had charged a while. The clouds were gigantic and look so small here.

And the little white flower was sitting there in the grass where I sat down. :o)

Zephaniah 3:17
For the Lord your God is with you, He is a mighty savior
He will delight over you with gladness.
With his love He will calm all your fears,
He will rejoice over you with singing.

I felt like I was being sung to sitting in that giant field with the warm breeze and swaying grass and  spectacular view.

Love!

Perfect Ending

A few weeks ago my friend Joanne asked me to paint Pastor Carey and Jesus together for his 25th anniversary in ministry. In a recent service he had mentioned loving those paintings you see of Jesus welcoming someone home, and she thought of me, and prayed and felt led to ask me to paint it.

We didn't know exactly when the celebration would be, and then a few days later found out it was that weekend.

I told her I didn't think I could do it that quick, but with God all things are possible, and to pray. And we had had other people praying. I started it weds. morning, and by Sunday morning I was not completely finished, but enough to take and present to him. And one of the biggest things I'd been praying for came true, it looked like him!

The background ended up changing and was inspired by my memory of being on Mt. Carmel looking out in Israel. And Mt. Carmel makes me think of Elijah calling down fire from heaven, and Elijah makes me think of Pastor Carey, I can remember him preaching on Elijah and I think he'd have the faith to call down fire from heaven.

Then I decided regular clothes seemed odd in contrast to Jesus' robe, but a robe seemed weird. And the African garments he used to wear during black history month came to mind.

Earlier in the week when I finished the painting I was elated, with this beautiful feeling like God had created this thing through me as a special gift. This morning as I drove I was glancing over at it feeling doubtful, wondering if the whole thing was just ridiculous.

Then, as I'm sitting there in service, the painting next to me, here comes Pastor Carey dressed in an outfit just like my painting. He was even wearing leather sandals!!!!! And he is speaking to God as if in the character of Elijah!

Elijah who called down fire from heaven by the power of God and then days later was running in fear of people who wanted to kill him, doubting God.

And he talked about how tests always follow great victories with God. And when we come to that moment afterward where we are doubting, to think back to the victory just days before and know who God is and have faith.

Was such a blessing to give the painting to him afterward and share all this. And have been blessed spending these days at Citadel too.

Was absolutely amazed sitting there. So neat. God tied the ending up to this little story with a perfectly neat little bow!

A promise kept. A prayer answered.

A few months ago Jason's Aunt Gay commissioned me to do a painting for her husband, Jason's Uncle Randy, who was being ordained as a minister.

She said she didn't know what she wanted me to paint, just whatever God led me to do. I didn't know for weeks and was going back and forth, and then it was getting to the time I needed to start it and I put my prayer request in at bible study to clearly know what to paint.

That Sunday night there was a pink sunset, and everything outside felt like it was glowing and heavenly. I knew I somehow wanted to convey that heavenly feeling. I thought I wonder if they have a cute little white country church? And turns out they do. And then chatting with my friend Jill, we came up with the idea of them walking to the church, bible in hand. All of their kids and grandkids represented hanging around the church.

Last night was the night. My mom and Gianna and I went and took the painting. (I teared up when we pulled in the lot after having stared so many hours at this painting.) Even Gay didn't know what Randy was going to preach on last night, and to our delight, he shared his testimony, which is exactly what Gay had shared with me and what had inspired the painting.

Here's my quick summary of their story:

Over five years ago Gay started praying for Randy to start going to church and to love the Lord. They have 2 grown children and had just adopted a newborn baby and she wanted to raise their son in a Christian home.

Around the same time Gay's Uncle Gannon, who Randy was very close to, was dying of Cancer. Randy visited with him regularly after work. One day someone called Randy and said Gannon really wanted to see him. Randy went to him and Gannon said he needed him to promise him something. He shared that someone had prayed with him to receive Jesus and he felt like a lead blanket had been lifted off him, that he knew it was all of his sins being taken away.

He made Randy promise him to follow the Lord and go to church with his family. He didn't want Randy, his niece and their children leaving this world with their sins attached to them. Randy agreed to the promise, but didn't really intend to keep it, he didn't feel a need for God or church in his life. He was fine with the way things were.

After Gannon died, Gay reminded Randy of his promise and he went to church with her. To his surprise he felt God filling him and drawing him through his word. Found himself longing to go back. Something happened one week and a service was cancelled and he said by the time the next service rolled around he was about dying to get back in that church. And when he did he accepted Jesus and has been changed from the inside out ever since.

He said he could have never imagined himself like this. Attending church, loving the Lord, or especially becoming a pastor. Twice last night, once just him without music, he sang about his love for the Lord in a deep Johnny Cash voice and it was beautiful. Was beautiful to see him ordained as he kneeled next to his wife who prayed for this day. (Today is their 35th wedding anniversary!) She named this painting: "A promise kept. A prayer answered."

I had the awesome privledge of presenting this painting to him. And pointing out Gannon's initials carved on the tree on the right above the heart!

What a special day. So blessed to have been a part of it. : )

3 Amazing Days

I have had a string of like 3 amazing days. This might be more than anyone cares to read, like 3 posts in one, but I have to get it all down. And a part of me thinks oh why would you even share all this personal stuff. But throughout scripture we are reminded to tell of His wonderful deeds, and to me, these are wonderful! : )

Sunday morning I did not feel like spending time with God. I just wanted to go right to a painting I'm almost done with. Some mornings I feel thats ok, but I hadn't spent any quiet time over the weekend and felt I needed to, to not run to the gift and forget the giver. And I know how much more blessed my day is when I take the time to start it with He who made the day in the first place!

So I made some coffee and lit a candle, grabbed my bible and sat down at the kitchen table. I prayed for Him to settle my heart and asked for Him to speak to my heart through His word.

As I was reading I felt compelled to look at my Israel pics. When I came across one of Olive Trees on Mt. Carmel, I felt compelled to paint it! I started right then and in 2 hours had a finished piece. I was blown away! And throughout the day I played with it and made it more stylized.

“But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever.” Psalm 52:8 

Then that evening I went to my friend Cheryl Oz's gallery reception and was totally inspired. And the weather and the sunlight, and the warmth. I felt like I was floating. Joyful and hopeful and full. Kind of like being in love. I didn't want the sun to go down!

On Sunday and Monday I was getting strong memories of the Trevi Fountain in Rome out of nowhere. Vivid comforting memories of standing there looking at it at sunset. That was 10 years ago and I don't think I ever thought of the Trevi Fountain since then. I asked God to reveal to me whats up with that, I've had similar memories of other times from that trip that turned into paintings.

When I did the treadmill at lunch the idea popped in my head to listen to Italian instrumental music. I youtubed it and first thing that came up was Bella Notte. I listened and closed my eyes and could just about feel the breeze standing there at that fountain. Peaceful and beautiful. I was almost giggling thinking if the person next to me on the eliptical only knew I were in Rome right then!

I felt in that moment I am meant to paint it. While playing that music, with a glass of wine and grapes and cheese and candles. Like a date with God! It is all so wrapped up in Him. Maybe from the outside there isn't a clear connection, but in my heart, these amazing things I could never dream up myself. I know they're not of my making.

They bring such joy, I know they are blessings. They are so out of nowhere and so unique I can't dream this stuff up on my own. Makes me think of 1 Corinthians 2:9

That is what the Scriptures mean when they say,

   “No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
      and no mind has imagined
   what God has prepared
      for those who love him.”

But it was to us that God revealed these things by his Spirit. For his Spirit searches out everything and shows us God’s deep secrets.

So the desire to do this painting, I can't WAIT! I am so excited. Again its as wonderful a feeling in my chest as being in love. And I looked up the lyrics to Bella Notte.

Oh this is the night, it's a beautiful night
And we call it bella notte
Look at the skies, they have stars in their eyes
On this lovely bella notte.
Side by side with your loved one,
You'll find enchantment here.
The night will weave its magic spell,
When the one you love is near!
Oh this is the night, and the heavens are right!
On this lovely bella notte!

And when I read this, I just knew that even though I wasn't walking closely with Him at all, the Lord was with me and watching over me on that trip. He is my Prince Charming and delights my heart! He is gifting me with the joy of spending hours hanging out in and expressing that memory and feeling in a unique way.

And then finally, this morning, I was reading my bible. I'm doing a bible in a year reading plan and am behind like 4 or 5 days. This morning I read Hebrews 11, especially vs. 23 - 40. It just really spoke to me. I sent the verse to my prayer group, and just said how much it touched my heart. I rarely do this.

Then after I talked to a dear friend who's having a very hard time right now. I sent out another email for prayer for her. My friend recommended sending the whole chapter of Hebrews 11 to her, so I sent it to her too.

Then tonight, on the same day, on the last and 12th week of my bible study on the book of revelation, the teacher closes the study with those exact verses from Hebrews chapter 11!!!!! I was stunned. I couldn't even pay attention. I kept saying no way in my head!

When i left there was a pretty sunset and I drove around the back of the church and read the entire chapter aloud. Something from it that shouted at me was that Moses chose to be mistreated with the people of God rather than live a life of comfort and pleasure for a short time. He could have stayed living in Pharaoh's palace. Just made me think of how politically incorrect it is to love God and His word. Can be more comfortable to just not mention it. But who would I rather please?

Definitely the God who has so clearly showed up in these amazing big and little ways! He's SO real to me in this very moment.

Sweet Little Answered Prayer

God is so real to my heart in this very moment. Just got in the door from bible study and hoping Gianna stays occupied just a few more minutes so I can get this out while its fresh in my heart.

On my way to bible study tonight, it just popped in my head that I should ask God for us to get more out of our group time together, even though we are on week 11 out of 12 I think lol.

But I asked that the Holy Spirit would be present with us and would open up our hearts to share with one another that we may really encourage one another where needed and really feel God's presence.

When I turned on the lights to walk in our room there was a box of tissues on our table, and in my head I immediately said someone's gonna cry. (No one's cried yet in our 11 weeks and theres never been a box of tissues on the table.)

So at the end of our group time, like 2 minutes before our time to leave to go watch the video, the woman sitting near the tissues says I have to share something and I'm probably going to cry and grabs the tissue, and tearfully shares. And another woman had something encouraging to share with her that she had just heard herself a couple days before.

Then the video today totally ended up tying into what she was talking about, and was so inspiring about God's great love for us.  And then our conversation after as a result of all of this ended up with me getting some very unique and precious motherly advice I know will be of great blessing to Gianna and I in years to come.

I know I will never forget it, little things like on cold winter mornings having the lights off and candles lit and hot cocoa made when they get up to get ready for school. Just making time with them and time with God absolutely precious.

I just felt like wow. Then when I walked outside the horizon was tinged with orange and the silver sliver of moon shining so brightly above like it was hanging from a string. I got in my car and drove around the back of the church to my favorite spot I haven't been to since fall.

The huge peaceful beautiful clean unobstructed sky just spoke volumes to my heart. I know when I say those things it probably just sounds like romantic fluffery, but its so true. When we truly seek God and ask Him to show up, he is so faithful, and truly present and speaks to our hearts and fills them up!

Love, love, love LOVE!!!!! : )

Lover of Light!

I've been thinking more and more lately how much I love the light - the glowing sunrise, the sunset, how I just feel God's presence in it. Even the stars and moon at night, how they sparkle against the darkness. And how its really what drives my paintings, wanting to somehow spend more time in that love and dramatic light.

This afternoon Gianna fell asleep in the car and I decided I was going to try writing out exactly what it is I feel, thinking it may help me even more in my painting because I think its all so tied in together.

This is what I wrote:

I feel so blessed that most days I am able to view this divine display of beauty. The morning and evening sun feel like a love letter from God. A kiss from heaven.

A fleeting glimpse of something more beautiful than we could ever imagine.

I so feel the presence and love of God in the rising and the setting of the sun. Warm, dazzling light displays just the tiniest fraction of His Glory. The ordinary becomes beautiful. Telephone wires shimmer as strands of gold.

And I am reminded of the the hope we have of heaven, the hope we have in Christ. Though darkness may fall, there is the promise of a new beginning. Of joy, hope, peace. Of light shining away the darkness.

Just laying eyes on it soothes my soul, whispers to my heart, inspires my spirit. As a man is thirsty and filled with water, hungry and filled with food, something inside of me is satisfied and completed in these beautiful sparkling moments.

And I am SO amazed and touched, that as I started writing this(!!), the sun came out after the rain, and it looks like there are diamonds all around, dripping off the roof, decorating the fence, sparkling in the bushes. And above, the edges of a huge cloud are glowing gold!

I pray that through my art God will help me to some degree capture the magic of these moments. Help me express a little of this grand love affair I am so blessed to be a part of, to just carry it with me a little while longer than just the moment.

Like a love letter! To be able to go back and read it again, instead of just trying to remember what was said. Something precious and tangible.

I could never recreate these moments more beautifully than they are in reality, but I can uniquely express the beauty I behold in my heart. I feel a sort of need to do it. And pray I get better and better at it.

We so often take for granted the beauty around us each day. The sun and the sky and the light just blend in with every other thing in our paths and we no more notice the sunset than the traffic light.

I pray that God may use my hands to present His light as beautifully as I experience it in my heart, that it may capture the attention of other eyes and hearts, sparking something within.

And all for the Glory of God, The Creator, The Light of the world. For without Him, none of this would be, for sure my heart wouldn't be in this beautiful place. Love Him!

(And within 1 minute of writing that last sentence, the sun disappeared and Gianna woke up! The 'spell' for the moment broken, but another just around the corner I know : )

Still here!

Guess I haven't had anything specific to say! Lots of good little things going on. Really enjoying answers to prayer, like my husband going to church with us after 6 years of me going alone : )  And he missed this last weekend because of family stuff and Sunday night while we ate dinner he actually asked me what church was about!

Also enjoying my best friend, again after 6 years of prayer, all of a sudden taking interest in the bible and reading it and discussing it with me! Even called me up laughing one time saying listen to what Jesus said! lol. (Referring to him saying how can you take the splinter out of your brothers eye, when there's a plank sticking out of yours! : )

And just happy Spring is almost here and trying to be mindful and thankful for all the things God has given me. Nothing more precious to me right now than each night gathering around our little candlelit table, music in the background, saying prayers, hearing Gianna say what she's thankful for, and just being together. We started it at the beginning of winter and now its our everyday thing. : )

I am finding more and more how truly powerful giving thanks to God is. Sunday morning I just felt kinda blah. So on the way to church I said to Gianna we are going to thank God all the way to church, just for anything we are thankful for. And for 15 minutes, all the way there, thats what we did. Just said out loud every good thing we are blessed with. And by the time we got there the blah had lifted and we both had sunshine in our soul. And after the awesome service I walked out of there with joy in my heart. God is so good. Can't imagine life without him. Actually I can cause I lived it!

This is kind of unrelated, but its a poem I took comfort in when Jason's dad died. His sister posted it the other day, I googled it just now to copy and paste and its actually a hymn:


God has not promised skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God has not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.


But God has promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.


So true!

Darkness into Light

4 years ago i was blessed to go to Israel. One of the locations we went to was Caesara Phillipi. This is what I wrote in my journal about what I experienced there:

I was given a gift, a sort of vision, as Pastor Brad was talking about being sure that we are enshrining Christ in our hearts, and not giving other things in our lives the place only God should occupy.

I got a very clear picture in my mind that my chest, the area around my heart, was glowing, and it was soooooo beautiful, like one of those glass mexican candles with beautiful art and scripture on them.

It tells me that the treasure of this world, or I should say, the most beautiful, sacred, holy treasure in the universe, more precious than diamonds and rubies, exists inside of me. (Just like in the bible it says our body is His temple.) God lives in my heart. He gifts me with his presence each day. He even goes to work with me. He makes me a holy vessel and carries me. I feel so blessed by God. It is amazing how He can love us all so perfectly and individually. He is so good.

One of my first paintings was an attempt at expressing this vision (the heart). It was pretty but nowhere near. This painting comes closer, but I know there will still be a better one to come!

But just as anxiety is a very real thing that dwells in your chest, that you can feel, that affects you, that is truly present, sometimes even making it hard to breathe ~ so is the light and love and peace of Christ. I experienced a miracle in the way He replaced all the darkness and turmoil inside me with light and peace. I still have my bad days, but I have many more that are filled with hope and sometimes a literal warmth and comfort in my chest.

2 Samuel 22:29 - You are my lamp o Lord, the Lord turns my darkness into light.

I am also including a drawing I did of myself in college, probably about 19 years old, long before God had any significant place in my life. I think they speak for themselves.

(It just hit me looking at these - I didn't pull out the old image until I was nearly done with the new one. Never had it in mind. Yet the composition is so similar, even off to the left a little. And the expression and difference in cold and warmth are obvious, but it just hit me that in the old one I look naked, bare, exposed, but in the new I have warm beautiful garments wrapped around my shoulders :o)

Other crazy thing is this painting of me is the biggest I've done. 20 x 24. And I never intended to do it that large, but had bought the canvas meaning to start a different painting. The new and old images are both the same size in real life.)

Rest and Peace

Last night I went to bed with something really bothering me, weighing heavily on my chest. Has been a while since I had that feeling. I was really tired and the thought of going through the next day seemed kinda overwhelming at the moment. I tearfully fell asleep. I woke up to Gianna calling for me as she does every night, usually around 4. I could have sworn I looked at the clock and it was almost 7. It felt like I had been sleeping a long time. But when I came back in my room the clock said 3:30. It confused me cause I even felt like it was 7 and I went in the living room to look at the clock, and it was 3:30.

I still had the weight of what was troubling me just pressing in on my chest. I knew I needed to pray about it. Starting with Phillipians 4:6-7 and just thanking God for a while, bringing to mind every good thing I am blessed with. Then I prayed a great prayer in the end of the book Walking with God by John Eldredge I keep coming back to. By the time I crawled back in bed it was 5. And I had PEACE! I set the alarm for 6:45. I woke up after what felt like sleeping for hours and thought oh no, I must have missed the alarm, but I looked over and it was only an hour later, 6:00!

I emailed my friend who knew what had been troubling me and shared with her what happened and the peace I had been given. My last sentence of my email said to her, regarding the feeling of several extra hours of sleep, that I felt like God had blessed me with some extra rest and refreshment.

Right after sending the email, a daily devotional I get emailed to me came through. The title of it for today- Sweet Dreams - and the scripture it was based on -

"It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eatingthe bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep."Psalm 127:2 (ESV)

So awesome. I dont' even remember ever hearing this scripture. He is so loving and when we just seek him with our hearts he loves to delight us in special little ways. I am so thankful to be His beloved! : )

The Greatest Love

I'm reading a book right now called the Sacred Romance by John Eldredge. He shares a few excerpts I was really touched by. Like this analogy to help describe God's love for us (from a book called Disappointment with God):

Suppose there was a king who loved a humble maiden. The king was like no other king. Every statesmen trembled before his power. No one dared breathe a word against him, for he had the strength to crush all opponents. And yet this mighty king was melted by love for a humble maiden. How could he declare his love for her? In an odd sort of way, his kingliness tied his hands. If he brought her to the palace and crowned her head with jewels and clothed her body in royal robes, she would surely not resist - no one dared resist him. But would she love him??

She would say she loved him of course, but would she truly? Or would she live with him in fear, nursing a private grief for the life she had left behind? Would she be happy at his side? How could he know? If he rode to her forest cottage in his royal carriage, with an armed escort waving bright banners, that too would overwhelm her. He did not want a cringing subject. He wanted a lover, an equal. He wanted her to forget that he was a king and she a humble maiden and to let shared love cross the gulf between them. 

Eldredge, then goes on to say - The king clothes himself as a beggar and renounces his throne in order to win her hand. The Incarnation, the life and the death of Jesus, answers once and for all the question, "What is God's heart toward me?" This is why Paul says in Romans 5, "Look here, at the Cross. Here is the demonstration of God's heart. At the point of our deepest betrayal, when we had run our farthest away from him and gotten so lost in the woods we could never find our way home, God came and died to rescue us." 


He loves us very much. : ) I believe he made so much of this world just to delight us. Flowers and sunsets and rainbows and shooting stars and little babies and on and on and on. His sunsets are like embraces to my heart and soul. I once saw a huge field at night filled with sparkling fireflies and it was more beautiful than any special effect I've ever seen.


And yes there are more things in this world that aren't beautiful, that hurt, that bring tears, that break our hearts. But we can't focus on those and let them harden our hearts and steal the joy of the love God has for us. We can't let them blind us to the beauty that is around us at all times and in all circumstances.  


He knows the pain we carry, has sympathy for the heartache we face. And he eases the burden so greatly when we will just walk beside Him.

Mountains and Meadows

I have one of those crystal clear memories from when I was in Yosemite in El Capitan Meadow, probably about 7 or 8 years ago. I was just sitting there in the tall grass and there was a breeze and I was totally in awe of the world around me. I remember thinking I have to remember this exact moment.

A couple weeks ago I was feeling kinda far away from God, ironically because of the distraction and busyness of the Christmas season. I didn't even know what to pray at the time, I was just kinda sitting there, early in the morning before the sun came up. A cup of coffee and a candle lit. Meaning to be seeking Him but not really having the words, feeling distracted, bothered by the clutter around me.

Out of nowhere, I start getting pictures in my head of Yosemite. For a few minutes I sat there just remembering that amazing place, like a slideshow. I felt like God was showing Himself to me. How grand and great and almighty and beautiful and perfect He is. How everything with him is in perfect order, no clutter, nothing out of place. It was very beautiful and peaceful and comforting. I kept calling it to mind throughout the day, it felt like a love letter or something : )

Then the very next day my friend Chris posted this quote on Facebook - “The grand show is eternal. It is always sunrise somewhere; the dew is never dried all at once; a shower is forever falling; vapor is ever rising. Eternal sunrise, eternal dawn and gloaming, on sea and continents and islands, each in its turn, as the round earth rolls.”
-John Muir

It hugely touched my heart, and I googled John Muir. Turns out he is the person responsible for preserving Yosemite as a National Park! He lived there and had a great love for it. I started reading his description of it and couldn't believe it. I shared with Chris my 'slideshow' experience from the day before and he shared with me that John Muir was a Christian who regarded nature as God's Cathedral. 

The statement nature as God's Cathedral really struck me. It comes close to describing how nature often makes me feel. Especially sunset and sunrise, I can't really explain it. Expressing it was what I was going for in my painting.

The mountain in the painting is a combo of 2 scenes at Yosemite, El Capitan and Horsetail Falls, so its geographically incorrect, but it comes close to conveying the feeling and memory of awe in my heart that I felt then, and do now, at the sight of Gods Glory being displayed in nature and light. 

~ I have to add to the story now. Minutes after posting on Facebook my friend Nikki said this painting had special meaning for her and she would like to buy it. I really don't want to part with it, but I believe it was meant for her and I said yes. She was married in Yosemite, so I can imagine it carries even more precious memories for her.

So this morning I couldn't sleep, and I went to their Yosemite album and I am attaching the picture I found there. Amazing. And Nikki and her husband Cory both love God which just makes it all more evident its all from Him!!!!!!! Wow!!!