I haven't written in a month. I was just thinking how funny it is that I think I feel farthest from God during the month when we are supposed to be celebrating Him most!
I've been too busy for Him! Too busy doing things to 'celebrate' his birth to spend any time quietly with Him. Way too busy creating a special gift for my Mom using the really cool talent God has given me.
I haven't had amazing inspiring things to share because I haven't been drawing near to him very often.
His word promises 'draw near to God and he'll draw near to you'. That promise is so awesome and true. When I draw near to Him daily, I am filled to overflowing. Even when my circumstances aren't perfect, I just have a peace and can really sense his love.
I'm doing 'fine,' I'm enjoying my week off, fun time with Gianna, but I am not filled with that warm, beautiful, deep peaceful feeling that can only come from Him! A love that surpasses all others. But just as in a relationship with a person, you have to seek time and presence and intimacy with that person.
Jeremiah 29:13 says 'You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'
Even the times this month when I was seeking Him, it wasn't with all of my heart. Too many things to check off in my head, I allowed myself to be distracted and used it as an excuse to quickly say my prayers and get back to things I really needed to do, thinking I'd be able to focus better 'later'.
Funny how I start to question things too. Like yesterday I was thinking who am I to think I can get up and casually 'have coffee' with God at my kitchen table? Sitting upright and drinking coffee and praying and reading my bible at my table? But I forget I've been doing that for years and it has been part of what transformed my heart and has drawn me closer to Him. I spend time on my knees too, but in the morning I fall asleep if I do that. And yesterday morning I did just that because I was questioning my 'casualness' with God. Woke up an hour later, hands and feet asleep, face plastered to the cold wood floor, because I was being all legalistic and thought I had to be on my knees, lol!
And interesting how before I started truly seeking God I had unpleasant dreams. Not even always nightmares, but I'd struggle in my sleep, be without peace. It was one of the first things I wrote in my first prayer journal. Please give me peace in my sleep. Well last night I was constantly on an exit ramp in my dream. Couldn't get off. It was a relief for Gianna to wake me up to come in our bed.
And another thing I can't really share details on, but there is something I have committed to doing that only came from God. It was something I felt called to do, especially when hearing Jesus words 'what good is it to love those who love you?' everyone does that, thats a given! And 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
I started praying about it, being honest with God and saying I do NOT want to do this, but if you will make it easier for me and open a door, I will. But He had to help me. For months I prayed this daily and I just waited for God, I wasn't making any moves on my own because I needed to know it was His will. And he moved in an amazing way. And then I still struggled with making the commitment to do it, would let my mind run wild, but he eased my worries and replaced it with joy to serve him and bless others. For his word promises 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me' and 'The joy of the Lord is my strength.' : )
But being away from Him for a month, it makes me nervous. Like why I am doing that??? OMGsh I have to keep doing that!!!!!!!!
Because it is only by the power and hand of God that I am doing it!
I am not doing this thing out of the goodness of my own heart! It truly is the grace of God using me to be of good to someone else and show His love to them. And I am so glad to know that He is always there, and I will be drawing near again, and He will draw near and deep down and give me the strength and joy I need to be who He has called me to be!
Got my coffee and bible and gonna go light a candle and sit quietly with the Creator of the Universe now.
Have a great day! : )
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Provision
I barely have it in me to write this right now, but have to share.
Yesterday Gianna and I go grocery shopping, we were there for well over an hour. She started crabbing toward the end and I was ready to get out of there, go home and deal with my headache, I hadn't had any headache medicine at home and needed to get home and take some.
We wait in line, get all the groceries rung up and in my cart, and then I write the check, and they won't accept it. Check number is too low. And I can't find my debit card. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. Just sucked it up and in disappointment walked away from the cart, got in the car empty-handed, and went home with my pounding headache, and no Tylenol.
I called my friend who prayed for my headache and I took a hot bath and got some relief for a bit, but it came back later and stronger and I had nothing. In the middle of the night I took one of Jason's vicodin and it wasn't helping. Then I started freaking out a little like what is wrong with my head! But thank God for Phillipians 4:6-7, which always has brought me peace in moments of anxiety.
So this morning I'm running late and didn't stop on the way to church for pain medicine. I did have a credit card of mine Jason found though. After church I stop for gas and couldn't WAIT to get to the store, get my pain meds and stuff for dinner and go home and relax with a heating pad on my neck as my friend at church had recommended.
And the card. was. declined.
Turns out it was an expired card. I had 5 bucks in my pocket for gas, but the thought at not being able to go get my excedrin and some groceries for dinner was such a bummer. I was on the verge of some serious tears. I sat in my car and prayed. I said God pleeeeeeeeese, I don't know how but PLEASE make a way for me to just go get some excedrin and something to make for dinner. It may not seem like that big of a deal, but in that moment it just felt hugely frustrating and like more than I could take. Like realllly????? Omgsh.
I just sat there for a minute with my face in my hands and then I started rummaging around in my car.
And I found $15 sandwiched in some papers in the glove box!!!!!!!!! And its easy to dismiss and say oh I left that in there, which I'm sure I did, but the bottom line is I was sitting there with nothing, no money, and I prayed and plead in desperation for God to make a way for me to get what I needed. And within a minute I had it! So awesome.
Then right after I walk in Meijer, this woman shopping says hey, I was in line behind you yesterday, you left your daughters gloves in the cart! So I go to customer service and they say they don't have them. I see the lady who rang me up and she comes over and finds them and I tell her my 15 dollars in the glove box story :o)
And it was a good lesson for me to shop with that 15 dollars. I had to weigh out the few veggies I bought, I bought one big potato and plan to mix that in with some instant potatoes. I had to add everything up to the dollar. Some people live like that everyday. Even though my financial situation isn't the greatest because we have a good deal of debt, we are blessed to have jobs and the ability to buy the food we need regularly, and this made me more appreciative.
And God showed himself in a big way to me today.
And yesterday I was also going to buy a booster seat because Gianna is too big for her carseat and its a huge unneeded added frustration getting her in and out of my car. I had decided ok this is enough of this. And do you know that I said nothing about it to Jason, but last night he offered me his booster seat from his car? Just to be nice!?
God is good. And though the last day and a half has been filled with frustration and an aching head, He has shown Himself to me in the little things, and I feel loved, a little humbled, and a little more faith-filled today. : )
And now my pork chops are in the oven, Gianna just laid down for a nap, and I'm going to go lay down with my head on a heating pad and relax!
Yesterday Gianna and I go grocery shopping, we were there for well over an hour. She started crabbing toward the end and I was ready to get out of there, go home and deal with my headache, I hadn't had any headache medicine at home and needed to get home and take some.
We wait in line, get all the groceries rung up and in my cart, and then I write the check, and they won't accept it. Check number is too low. And I can't find my debit card. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. Just sucked it up and in disappointment walked away from the cart, got in the car empty-handed, and went home with my pounding headache, and no Tylenol.
I called my friend who prayed for my headache and I took a hot bath and got some relief for a bit, but it came back later and stronger and I had nothing. In the middle of the night I took one of Jason's vicodin and it wasn't helping. Then I started freaking out a little like what is wrong with my head! But thank God for Phillipians 4:6-7, which always has brought me peace in moments of anxiety.
So this morning I'm running late and didn't stop on the way to church for pain medicine. I did have a credit card of mine Jason found though. After church I stop for gas and couldn't WAIT to get to the store, get my pain meds and stuff for dinner and go home and relax with a heating pad on my neck as my friend at church had recommended.
And the card. was. declined.
Turns out it was an expired card. I had 5 bucks in my pocket for gas, but the thought at not being able to go get my excedrin and some groceries for dinner was such a bummer. I was on the verge of some serious tears. I sat in my car and prayed. I said God pleeeeeeeeese, I don't know how but PLEASE make a way for me to just go get some excedrin and something to make for dinner. It may not seem like that big of a deal, but in that moment it just felt hugely frustrating and like more than I could take. Like realllly????? Omgsh.
I just sat there for a minute with my face in my hands and then I started rummaging around in my car.
And I found $15 sandwiched in some papers in the glove box!!!!!!!!! And its easy to dismiss and say oh I left that in there, which I'm sure I did, but the bottom line is I was sitting there with nothing, no money, and I prayed and plead in desperation for God to make a way for me to get what I needed. And within a minute I had it! So awesome.
Then right after I walk in Meijer, this woman shopping says hey, I was in line behind you yesterday, you left your daughters gloves in the cart! So I go to customer service and they say they don't have them. I see the lady who rang me up and she comes over and finds them and I tell her my 15 dollars in the glove box story :o)
And it was a good lesson for me to shop with that 15 dollars. I had to weigh out the few veggies I bought, I bought one big potato and plan to mix that in with some instant potatoes. I had to add everything up to the dollar. Some people live like that everyday. Even though my financial situation isn't the greatest because we have a good deal of debt, we are blessed to have jobs and the ability to buy the food we need regularly, and this made me more appreciative.
And God showed himself in a big way to me today.
And yesterday I was also going to buy a booster seat because Gianna is too big for her carseat and its a huge unneeded added frustration getting her in and out of my car. I had decided ok this is enough of this. And do you know that I said nothing about it to Jason, but last night he offered me his booster seat from his car? Just to be nice!?
God is good. And though the last day and a half has been filled with frustration and an aching head, He has shown Himself to me in the little things, and I feel loved, a little humbled, and a little more faith-filled today. : )
And now my pork chops are in the oven, Gianna just laid down for a nap, and I'm going to go lay down with my head on a heating pad and relax!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Walking with God
The introduction says 'It is our deepest need, as human beings, to learn to live intimately with God. It is what we were made for.' He talks about Adam and Eve before the fall and says whatever they had, is what we were meant to have too. And that what they enjoyed above all else, is they walked with God. They talked with Him, and He with them.
And he believes we can have that same communion with God. And I do too! I've come to learn when I am truly seeking God, I feel his presence, there is a warmth in my heart.
A very recent real example for me is Sunday afternoon I finally set time aside to do that after a tired, distracted couple of weeks. It was kinda cloudy outside, and dark inside, and I lit a couple candles and made some tea and got my bible and another book by beth moore and got cozy at my kitchen table, prayed and spent some time seeking God and reading his word.
And God so spoke to my heart. I ended up at 1 Chronicles 28:9-10. This is where King David is giving advice to his son Solomon, who is about to take over the throne, and take on the task of building God's temple. And Beth Moore talked about how this is good advice for anyone, not just Solomon, on being successful at God's plans for your life. (I was thinking of my artwork)
I had been reading more of the passage, but when I got to this part, it was just different. It just stood out and spoke so clearly to me. Especially these specific words:
Acknowledge God. Serve Him with wholehearted devotion and a willing mind. Seek him, be strong, and do the work!
And even more, from those words, 'wholehearted devotion' and 'do the work' stood out.
Do the work stood out because I am a procrastinator. I need to just do the work, and in combination with wholehearted devotion, I know God will use me to do amazing things, because it won't be all about me, it will be about Him.
Wholehearted devotion.
That is what God asks us of us. And though it can sound a bit much, or sound like he is egotistical, it is what brings us joy! When I am wholeheartedly devoted to Him, I have such warmth, joy, peace, in my heart! And the Beth Moore book talked about how our natural instinct is NOT to be wholly devoted to God. It is not to love him above all things. But we can pray for God to change our hearts. She cited Deuteronomy 30:6, here is a version from the message, a more everyday interpretation of the bible:
God, your God, will cut away the thick calluses on your heart and your children's hearts, freeing you to love God, your God, with your WHOLE heart and soul [which is the greatest commandment] and live, really live.
Live. Really live!!
I sincerely prayed then for God to change my heart. To make my heart desire to love Him with wholehearted devotion come more naturally. And all week I have just had such a warm, loving feeling in my chest. All week. Its been such a blessing. There have been entire years where I didn't have one single day that felt as beautiful as the last 4 have. And I know without spending time with Him, it will fade. But I know with spending time with Him, it doesn't have to! He is always available, always waiting.
He is so good and He is available to us all.
Jeremiah 29:13 - you will seek me and find me, when you seek me with ALL your heart.
And if you don't have the desire to seek Him with all of your heart, ask for it. : )
(this post ended up being more of a regular post than about the book, but I will share more from the book as I read it!)
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Hidden Talent - Part 2
Short and Sweet.
Last night I was telling my sister about the whole painting thing with my friend, and how I saw the Van Gogh starry cafe image in the coney island, went home, checked the Painting with a Twist calendar, and saw that they are painting it Dec. 2nd, and how excited I was about it.
I was telling her this on the way to our friends house. As we pulled in the driveway I was pulling the image of the painting up on my phone cause she wasn't sure which one. We sat there a minute in the driveway until I found it. I show it to her, we get out walk into the house, and there it is again, framed and in our friends house.
And our friends are mom and daughter, and the daughter Michelle lives in a separate apartment attached to the house. We never go to her side. We've been getting together once every 5 or 6 weeks the last year, and we always go to Barb's side. For the first time we went to Michelles side. And once again there was the starry cafe. I believe a little confirmation that I am on the right path! So excited : )
Last night I was telling my sister about the whole painting thing with my friend, and how I saw the Van Gogh starry cafe image in the coney island, went home, checked the Painting with a Twist calendar, and saw that they are painting it Dec. 2nd, and how excited I was about it.
I was telling her this on the way to our friends house. As we pulled in the driveway I was pulling the image of the painting up on my phone cause she wasn't sure which one. We sat there a minute in the driveway until I found it. I show it to her, we get out walk into the house, and there it is again, framed and in our friends house.
And our friends are mom and daughter, and the daughter Michelle lives in a separate apartment attached to the house. We never go to her side. We've been getting together once every 5 or 6 weeks the last year, and we always go to Barb's side. For the first time we went to Michelles side. And once again there was the starry cafe. I believe a little confirmation that I am on the right path! So excited : )
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Hidden Talent
Had the coolest thing happen the other day. A friend shared a video with me of Akiane Kramarik. She is a young girl who has been painting amazing things inspired by God since she was about 5 years old. I had seen a video of her about a year ago and was interested to watch again after having grown so greatly in my own artistic abilities and passion since then.
I shared the video on Facebook, and the next day my best friend Shanna posted a slideshow of the girl's paintings on my wall. I watched it that night before leaving work and was blown away by the amount and quality of her work from such a young age.
The very next morning my friend Brian calls me. Haven't talked to him in well over a month. He tells me there's this girl you HAVE to check out. Her names Akiane and she does these amazing God-inspired paintings! He had not been on Facebook and seen any of the posts! Totally unrelated yet he callls me the very next morning after I had been inspired by her work!
So I go later to look her up again and google her and end up at her website. The very first thing my eye goes to out of a bunch of little thumbnails is this woman on a bench. It makes me think of my painting, but even moreso, the reference of myself I had Jason shoot for my painting. And my feet had been more like hers, but I stripped in those crossed feet because I like them better. If my head had been the other direction our posture would be identical. And that is the exact posture I had in mind before I started, couldn't find any reference online, so I had Jason take a picture of me!
And her description was so similar. A woman waiting for meaningful direction in her life. And she even talks about the candle and wind and that the flame's direction will move when the wind comes, and mine has wind as a huge part of it, in part symbolizing the harshness of where I was, but also symbolizing something new blowing in.
Check it out:
Then the next day Shanna keeps trying to call me at work. I texted her and told her I would call her on my lunch hour. She says I have to tell you something about that girl's paintings. So of course I go outside to call her!
She said she was so drawn to them and they gave her this warm feeling in her chest and inspired her. But then she was looking at peoples comments and they say its a hoax and the God thing ruins it, or the God things not true. It was disappointing to her. I told her there will always be those people. People say the God thing ruins it, but the work wouldn't even exist without this girl being inspired by God! And just go to youtube and look at any of the comments under anything. Sometimes even in the comments under Caillou people are saying awful things.
And there is a chance its a hoax I suppose. But what artist would spend all those years making beautiful artwork and not get the credit? And I found a video that in fast forward shows her doing a painting from start to finish.
But anyways, those are just my ramblings. Shanna still said she was inspired to want to paint herself. She said I know it sounds crazy but I want to try.
We made a date for Sunday after church. When I got there she showed me her sketchbook that had 4 drawings in it from 7 years ago. They were good! One was of a womans face with hair swept across it and it was really really good. I was like What???? Craziness. I remember her drawing some bunnies once years ago that I thought were pretty good but it was more cartoony and didn't think a whole lot about it. But she can really draw! All these years and never realized we had artistic abilities in common.
We both worked on painting a copy of a painting she has in her house. More of an abstract painting of a building front. It was a learning experience for me too, played with texture, lots of fun. And the kids played for like 4 and a half hours and pretty much left us alone!
We both used to be into video games years ago and would play them for hours, and after a long time you'd get this sick wasted feeling, like a numb, nasty why-did-I-just-waste-5-hours-doing-that feeling.
Shanna said I keep waiting for that feeling to come, but it doesn't! Not when you are doing something good, inspiring and not mind-numbing! : ) And I said whether or not that girl is a hoax, look at what we are doing as a result of her inspiring work!
It was so much fun and I am excited to do this every week!!! And Gianna had a ball. She might get a little rougher around the edges tearing through the house with 3 boys for hours on end on a regular basis, but whatever! Lol : )
And then the next day at work I go to start working on the chalkboard wall, doing a Christmas scene. We are having a weekend event where clients come in and get holiday photos taken and the whole place is being decorated really beautifully. I was thinking I still had 2 weeks, and come to find its this weekend and I got a little nervous.
An ACCOUNT guy at my work asked if I needed help and I kind of jokingly said sure, thinking he was maybe kidding. But he comes back and starts helping me with just a little guidance and he hasn't ever really done artistic work but he's doing an awesome job. He tells me how he's been thinking of trying to paint! And everyone keeps walking by saying Tony?! Didn't know you could do this! Kinda bizarre, 2 days in a row of this. I wonder if I am meant to be an art teacher and this is a tiny little preview or message or something! (And we finished it in 2 days and it looks really cool! And had lots of fun doing it.)
So I remembered the week before Jill's friend told me about a place in Ferndale where you can go and take a bottle of wine and everyone paints the same picture. Sometimes you copy a famous one. A class for people of all levels. Jill got me the web address and I looked it up and they have a calendar that shows what paintings for each day. I told Tony, Shanna, and my friend Lisa who wants to get back into painting after many years and everyone thought it sounded cool.
Last night Jason and I were at the coney island and a print of Van Gogh's cafe at night was hanging and I told him I love that painting so much and see it a lot lately. (Including in Jill's house) When we got home I went to the website for Painting with a Twist, to see if they had the December calendar up yet. They did, and on December 2nd they are doing that exact painting!!!! I'm so excited! Its this one and I LOVE love love it: (and I think I have a night/blue/yellow thing going on with most of my paintings!)
I hope everyone else likes this one as much and can go that night, still waiting to hear back. But I am really excited to paint this and have my own version hanging in my house! And it will be a really cool learning experience for us all I'm sure.
I am so thankful to God and so in love with this new direction in my life! And fun to see it may be a direction in some other lives too! : )
I shared the video on Facebook, and the next day my best friend Shanna posted a slideshow of the girl's paintings on my wall. I watched it that night before leaving work and was blown away by the amount and quality of her work from such a young age.
The very next morning my friend Brian calls me. Haven't talked to him in well over a month. He tells me there's this girl you HAVE to check out. Her names Akiane and she does these amazing God-inspired paintings! He had not been on Facebook and seen any of the posts! Totally unrelated yet he callls me the very next morning after I had been inspired by her work!
So I go later to look her up again and google her and end up at her website. The very first thing my eye goes to out of a bunch of little thumbnails is this woman on a bench. It makes me think of my painting, but even moreso, the reference of myself I had Jason shoot for my painting. And my feet had been more like hers, but I stripped in those crossed feet because I like them better. If my head had been the other direction our posture would be identical. And that is the exact posture I had in mind before I started, couldn't find any reference online, so I had Jason take a picture of me!
And her description was so similar. A woman waiting for meaningful direction in her life. And she even talks about the candle and wind and that the flame's direction will move when the wind comes, and mine has wind as a huge part of it, in part symbolizing the harshness of where I was, but also symbolizing something new blowing in.
Check it out:
Then the next day Shanna keeps trying to call me at work. I texted her and told her I would call her on my lunch hour. She says I have to tell you something about that girl's paintings. So of course I go outside to call her!
She said she was so drawn to them and they gave her this warm feeling in her chest and inspired her. But then she was looking at peoples comments and they say its a hoax and the God thing ruins it, or the God things not true. It was disappointing to her. I told her there will always be those people. People say the God thing ruins it, but the work wouldn't even exist without this girl being inspired by God! And just go to youtube and look at any of the comments under anything. Sometimes even in the comments under Caillou people are saying awful things.
And there is a chance its a hoax I suppose. But what artist would spend all those years making beautiful artwork and not get the credit? And I found a video that in fast forward shows her doing a painting from start to finish.
But anyways, those are just my ramblings. Shanna still said she was inspired to want to paint herself. She said I know it sounds crazy but I want to try.
We made a date for Sunday after church. When I got there she showed me her sketchbook that had 4 drawings in it from 7 years ago. They were good! One was of a womans face with hair swept across it and it was really really good. I was like What???? Craziness. I remember her drawing some bunnies once years ago that I thought were pretty good but it was more cartoony and didn't think a whole lot about it. But she can really draw! All these years and never realized we had artistic abilities in common.
We both worked on painting a copy of a painting she has in her house. More of an abstract painting of a building front. It was a learning experience for me too, played with texture, lots of fun. And the kids played for like 4 and a half hours and pretty much left us alone!
We both used to be into video games years ago and would play them for hours, and after a long time you'd get this sick wasted feeling, like a numb, nasty why-did-I-just-waste-5-hours-doing-that feeling.
Shanna said I keep waiting for that feeling to come, but it doesn't! Not when you are doing something good, inspiring and not mind-numbing! : ) And I said whether or not that girl is a hoax, look at what we are doing as a result of her inspiring work!
It was so much fun and I am excited to do this every week!!! And Gianna had a ball. She might get a little rougher around the edges tearing through the house with 3 boys for hours on end on a regular basis, but whatever! Lol : )
And then the next day at work I go to start working on the chalkboard wall, doing a Christmas scene. We are having a weekend event where clients come in and get holiday photos taken and the whole place is being decorated really beautifully. I was thinking I still had 2 weeks, and come to find its this weekend and I got a little nervous.
An ACCOUNT guy at my work asked if I needed help and I kind of jokingly said sure, thinking he was maybe kidding. But he comes back and starts helping me with just a little guidance and he hasn't ever really done artistic work but he's doing an awesome job. He tells me how he's been thinking of trying to paint! And everyone keeps walking by saying Tony?! Didn't know you could do this! Kinda bizarre, 2 days in a row of this. I wonder if I am meant to be an art teacher and this is a tiny little preview or message or something! (And we finished it in 2 days and it looks really cool! And had lots of fun doing it.)
So I remembered the week before Jill's friend told me about a place in Ferndale where you can go and take a bottle of wine and everyone paints the same picture. Sometimes you copy a famous one. A class for people of all levels. Jill got me the web address and I looked it up and they have a calendar that shows what paintings for each day. I told Tony, Shanna, and my friend Lisa who wants to get back into painting after many years and everyone thought it sounded cool.
Last night Jason and I were at the coney island and a print of Van Gogh's cafe at night was hanging and I told him I love that painting so much and see it a lot lately. (Including in Jill's house) When we got home I went to the website for Painting with a Twist, to see if they had the December calendar up yet. They did, and on December 2nd they are doing that exact painting!!!! I'm so excited! Its this one and I LOVE love love it: (and I think I have a night/blue/yellow thing going on with most of my paintings!)
I am so thankful to God and so in love with this new direction in my life! And fun to see it may be a direction in some other lives too! : )
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Starry Sky
I was really intrigued with the stars at that moment. Its when I was in the middle of working on my Rome painting and it has a starry sky in it and I was constantly listening to the song Starry Night by Chris August as I painted. I wanted to go down to the beach and sing it again, but I didn't want to steal her from everybody. I figured I'd wait a little bit and then ask cause everyone was having fun.
Then about a half hour later I looked up and the stars were gone. I walked out on the road to see if it was just a big cloud passing by, but the sky was completely covered over. It had sounded so perfect to go down to the beach and worship God under the beautiful masterpiece of His stars, which are 100x's more awesome way up there. I was so disappointed and wished I hadn't waited to ask.
I had to go lay Gianna down for bed and as I laid with her I prayed for God to let the sky clear that we may go sing that song to Him under the stars.
And when I went back outside about 20 minutes later and looked up there they were! I grabbed Taylor and her and I walked to the end of the road by the beach. I told her on the way what I had prayed and she looked up and said look, they're just right above us, its cloudy all around. It was just like a giant hole in the clouds above us. : )
We sang the song and it was unforgettably perfect and as we were ending everyone came running down and were laughing and talking and horsing around looking at the stars and they noticed too it was just a big opening.
We watched it close within a minute or two, and the stars were completely gone. They came out just long enough for us to sing our song. Fills my heart.
And then unexpectedly my nieces and I ended up having a very good conversation about God there in the road with my brother and cousin. We prayed in a big warm huddle and it was perfect and I will always have such a crystal clear memory of it in my head.
Love!
The Our God is Greater Song
The Starry Night Song
Monday, November 8, 2010
Something Missing
Have to share this. I know almost exactly where this woman is coming from. Only difference was mine wasn't really a 'dying' faith, there wasn't much to revive, I had never really lived in faith before.
A Dying Faith Revived
by Wendy Blight
"Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard
through the word of Christ." Romans 10:17 (NIV)
through the word of Christ." Romans 10:17 (NIV)
Law school. Two words that scare some and impress others.
I gave three years of my life to the study of law...compiling facts, reading case law, applying that law, and making arguments. I spent hour after hour in the law library. Researching, studying, and writing consumed my every day. My hard work paid off when I made law review.
It paid off again when I passed the bar.
It paid off again upon graduation when I walked through the doors to begin my first day at one of the largest, most prestigious firms in downtown Dallas.
It should have been the best time of my life, but instead it felt empty, without purpose. I found no joy, no satisfaction in what I did every day. I spent so much time and invested so much money to get to this place. Something was missing.
What I felt in the depths of my soul was the cry of a dying faith...hunger pangs of a weary soul. I had filled myself full of worldly knowledge, yet I had starved myself of spiritual knowledge.
Friend, do you feel that way as you read my words? Do you feel empty, dry, and weary? Faith feeds on the Word of God. Without a steady intake of God's Word in our lives, we grow weaker and weaker. I tried to feed my faith on a two minute devotional in the morning...maybe a few times a week...if that.
When we starve our faith, we move farther and farther from our Father's heart. We find it hard to trust Him. Sometimes we avoid worshiping Him. We feel guilty. We feel alone. Listen to words from our Father's heart:
"Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ." Romans 10:17 (NIV)
"Jesus answered, 'It is written: Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" Matthew 4:4 (NIV)
Blessed is the one whose "delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law [she] meditates day and night. [she] is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever [she] does prospers." Psalm 1:2-3 (NIV)
"Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ." Romans 10:17 (NIV)
"Jesus answered, 'It is written: Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" Matthew 4:4 (NIV)
Blessed is the one whose "delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law [she] meditates day and night. [she] is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever [she] does prospers." Psalm 1:2-3 (NIV)
Faith feeds on the Word of God. Our faith has no life apart from what we receive from the Word. I came to the realization that I needed to alter my diet. I needed to feed on something other than case law and legal memoranda.
God drew you to this devotional today. Ask Him why. Has the Lord pricked your heart? Does my story strike a chord with you? With all my heart, I encourage you to not ignore His Word to you today.
Let's be like the blessed one in Psalm 1 who meditates on God's Word day and night. Will you commit with me today to memorize one scripture? To start, find a verse, maybe one from this devotional, and memorize it. You will be putting "faith food" into your heart and mind. Throughout the next few days, feed on that verse, speak that verse, and share that verse.
Watch what God will do.
Watch what God will do.
God will bless your obedience. Your obedience will bear fruit. You will prosper. Wait and watch and see!
Dear Lord, today I feel weary, empty, and so very far away from You. Please come near, feed me with Your Word, revive my dying faith. Make me like the tree planted by streams of water, yielding fruit and prospering in all I do. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Before
Last month we went to the renaissance fair and enjoyed a beautiful day. On our way out I looked to my left and there was this woman sitting on a bench. It was as if everything went quiet and my peripheral vision faded away and I had tunnel vision right on her. She looked really sad and empty sitting there in her Rennassiance dress. She was on one end of the bench and I felt the strongest desire to go sit in the empty spot next to her and talk to her. Tell her God is real and created her and loves her and pointed her out to me.
But I didn't. I figured everybody would think I was nuts. As we're walking out the door, hold on, um, I have to go talk to that woman about God.
The whole long walk through the woods back to the car I had the most regretful feeling in my chest.
Who knows what was wrong with that woman. And she could have had someone out of all the hundreds of people walk up out of the crowd to say out of all these people here today, I have to tell you that God loves you. Jesus defeated death that you specifically may have peace.
She could have thought I was nuts. But it also could have been a message she was meant to hear.
I told Shanna in the car on the way home and right then sketched it out and decided it was my next painting. My friend Jill had the awesome idea of praying for the woman while I painted her.
To me it would be a reminder to listen to those promptings I get in my heart, and also a huge reminder of God's love. That he knows when we're hurting. He sends encouragement to us, even will handpick 1 person out of a huge crowd. But sometimes we don't listen.
So as I started the painting it turned not into a scene of this woman at the fair, but it turned into a sort of self portrait.
In a sense I used to be that woman, I know how she felt. I felt the emptiness, hopelessness. All of my joy in life was tied up in the next event or big thing to look forward to, then half the time they wouldn't be as great as you'd think.
A while back I was reading how in the old testament when people had significant encounters with God they would build a monument in the place it happened as a reminder to them and those who came after them.
I put on my prayer list a while back for God to help me paint my 'monument', but didn't know what it would look like.
So this painting is my attempt at expressing the desolate place where I was before I had God in my life. I always had this little pull in me to go toward God, but I always ignored it and was pretty much ruled by the darknesses in my life. Depression. Anxiety. Discontent. Insecurity. Trying to find happiness in the way my husband treated me, a vacation to look forward to, a new car, dreams of getting out of our apartment and into a house. Things that do not truly satisfy except so very temporarily.
I think I am going to paint the 'after' painting in the spring. The tree will be on the left side of the painting and will be an apple blossom in spring, flowers blooming, puffy white clouds. Right now I picture holding my bible to my heart and peacefully and cheerfully and gratefully smiling up into the clear blue sky.
Then framed next to each other the tree will be in the middle dividing the two worlds, the two lives.
I am so grateful that I was forever tugged out of that place. It may not have been hugely noticeable to people from the outside, but on the inside I don't even have words for the battle that has been won. Actually Psalm 116 in its entirety does a pretty good job for me. I am forever grateful.
My soundtrack for this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIw0ewEsNHs
I literally listened to it over and over as I painted it. Even though this song has the words Hallelujah, I don't think it was written out of biblical faith, which I liked for this painting, because though at the time I professed with my mouth that Jesus Christ was my savior, I didn't live it in my heart, and my heart was empty and hurt. To me this song is a kind of hope for the joy of a Hallelujah, but its not there and its all broken and miserable inside.
But I didn't. I figured everybody would think I was nuts. As we're walking out the door, hold on, um, I have to go talk to that woman about God.
The whole long walk through the woods back to the car I had the most regretful feeling in my chest.
Who knows what was wrong with that woman. And she could have had someone out of all the hundreds of people walk up out of the crowd to say out of all these people here today, I have to tell you that God loves you. Jesus defeated death that you specifically may have peace.
She could have thought I was nuts. But it also could have been a message she was meant to hear.
I told Shanna in the car on the way home and right then sketched it out and decided it was my next painting. My friend Jill had the awesome idea of praying for the woman while I painted her.
To me it would be a reminder to listen to those promptings I get in my heart, and also a huge reminder of God's love. That he knows when we're hurting. He sends encouragement to us, even will handpick 1 person out of a huge crowd. But sometimes we don't listen.
So as I started the painting it turned not into a scene of this woman at the fair, but it turned into a sort of self portrait.
In a sense I used to be that woman, I know how she felt. I felt the emptiness, hopelessness. All of my joy in life was tied up in the next event or big thing to look forward to, then half the time they wouldn't be as great as you'd think.
A while back I was reading how in the old testament when people had significant encounters with God they would build a monument in the place it happened as a reminder to them and those who came after them.
I put on my prayer list a while back for God to help me paint my 'monument', but didn't know what it would look like.
So this painting is my attempt at expressing the desolate place where I was before I had God in my life. I always had this little pull in me to go toward God, but I always ignored it and was pretty much ruled by the darknesses in my life. Depression. Anxiety. Discontent. Insecurity. Trying to find happiness in the way my husband treated me, a vacation to look forward to, a new car, dreams of getting out of our apartment and into a house. Things that do not truly satisfy except so very temporarily.
I think I am going to paint the 'after' painting in the spring. The tree will be on the left side of the painting and will be an apple blossom in spring, flowers blooming, puffy white clouds. Right now I picture holding my bible to my heart and peacefully and cheerfully and gratefully smiling up into the clear blue sky.
Then framed next to each other the tree will be in the middle dividing the two worlds, the two lives.
I am so grateful that I was forever tugged out of that place. It may not have been hugely noticeable to people from the outside, but on the inside I don't even have words for the battle that has been won. Actually Psalm 116 in its entirety does a pretty good job for me. I am forever grateful.
My soundtrack for this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIw0ewEsNHs
I literally listened to it over and over as I painted it. Even though this song has the words Hallelujah, I don't think it was written out of biblical faith, which I liked for this painting, because though at the time I professed with my mouth that Jesus Christ was my savior, I didn't live it in my heart, and my heart was empty and hurt. To me this song is a kind of hope for the joy of a Hallelujah, but its not there and its all broken and miserable inside.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Talking Vegetables
I am reading a book called Me, Myself and Bob. A True Story about Dreams, God, and Talking Vegetables. Its by the VeggieTales creator, Phil Vischer. A friend recommended I get it just to read the chapter on dreams, but I am reading the whole book and find it so fascinating.
He got the vision to create good television for kids when he was a kid watching MTV. He said even though he loved MTV and admitted to liking all the sexy chicks in the videos, while watching Madonna gyrate and sing Like a Virgin, he thought Oh Lord, this isn't good, someone's got to do something about this. He thought about all the kids from sea to shining sea growing up on this. And in that moment he realized he was supposed to do something about it!
And what he was supposed to do was not protest or anything like that, he was supposed to make good, quality, wholesome shows for kids that shared God's love with them. He knew it without a doubt. From there on out that was pretty much the focus of his life. He was very talented and innovative and worked extremely hard. (Veggie tales was actually the first computer animated 30 minute series in the US)
So this excerpt was right after he gave his wife their last 10 dollars to go buy dog food.
: )
He got the vision to create good television for kids when he was a kid watching MTV. He said even though he loved MTV and admitted to liking all the sexy chicks in the videos, while watching Madonna gyrate and sing Like a Virgin, he thought Oh Lord, this isn't good, someone's got to do something about this. He thought about all the kids from sea to shining sea growing up on this. And in that moment he realized he was supposed to do something about it!
And what he was supposed to do was not protest or anything like that, he was supposed to make good, quality, wholesome shows for kids that shared God's love with them. He knew it without a doubt. From there on out that was pretty much the focus of his life. He was very talented and innovative and worked extremely hard. (Veggie tales was actually the first computer animated 30 minute series in the US)
So this excerpt was right after he gave his wife their last 10 dollars to go buy dog food.
The apartment was still and dark. Our daughter Shelby, now 18 mos. old was sleeping in the next room. I couldn't afford to give her health insurance. I couldn't afford to pay her rent. Now I didn't even know how I would feed her.
"You fool," a voice inside me said. "Look at what a mess you've made. No one can rely on you. You can't even take care of your family. And for what? This stupid kids show dream? This thing you think God told you to do?' My eyes welled up with tears as the doubt grew louder."What if you were wrong all along? What if all this wasn't from God? What if all this was just your idea? Just you? Man, would that ever make you the fool of the year!"
For the first time, I doubted. For the first time, I wondered if perhaps, I had made the whole thing up. My "call" - everything. "God" I called out, "tell me this isn't just me - tell me you're in this too!"
Right afterward he ends up noticing a letter sticking out from the pile of bills, hand addressed with no return address. Inside was a cashiers check for $400, with a handwritten, unsigned note that simply said, "God laid it on my heart that you might need this."
He says:
My heart stopped. Four hundred dollars wasn't necessarily going to turn our lives around, but the message was crystal clear. God was there in the room, at the table, with me. He was with me in my darkest hour, when voices were screaming, "Give up! This isn't God, its just you, fool!" There he was. Sitting beside me at the black laminate table in our loft apartment as my daughter slept in the next room and my wife hunted for dog food with our last ten dollars - God was there, quietly whispering, "I'm with you. Don't give up."
: )
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Thirst
Yesterday Gianna and I went to her friend Madison's birthday party at the Livonia rec center. We had a ball for hours in the pool. As we drove home, it was cloudy and cold and I felt kind of blah. Just a kind of empty, slightly unpleasant feeling. Kind of like I used to feel most of the time, but milder. I came home, put Gianna down for her nap, got my bible and crawled in bed. As I read the words of the Lord I began to feel better. Not just ok, but good, warmed by the light of the Lord. The cold grey of the day fading away.And I read the words "Blessed is He who hungers and thirsts for righteousness, for He shall be filled."
I just kept rolling those words around in my head, and as I half dozed, the following came to me.
We can't go very long without becoming hungry or thirsty. We need to eat food and drink water very regularly. Just going six hours without and we start to not feel good. An unpleasant feeling causes us to seek out food and water. God made us this way so we don't die or become sick and malnourished.
And I thought hmmm, perhaps when I get those blah, slightly empty feelings, that is totally natural. Not really that something is 'wrong', but that it is hunger pangs naturally inside of me to keep me seeking out God's word and presence. Because whenever I do seek Him as a result, I am refreshed and filled and comforted just as surely as when I'm thirsty and I drink a glass of water my thirst is quenched.
And as I look over the whole of my life. I spent the majority of my days with some degree of feeling empty, depressed, or unsatisfied. And nothing could satisfy it for more than a few hours or a day or so until I was blessed with truly experiencing the awesomeness and power of God 5 years ago.
I think maybe my whole life I was 'hungering and thirsting for righteousness', but I didn't know what I was hungering for, so I kept trying to satisfy that desire with stuff that made it worse.
(And I think I still subconciously try to fill that emptiness with food. Those moments where I just don't feel satisfied, feel a need to 'do something', need something different to make that moment better, and on autopilot I walk to the fridge. And the thought of trying to fill emptiness or hunger meant for God's presence with a big greasy piece of pizza, yikes.)
Jeremiah 2:13
...They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.
God is so good. He provides everything we need. And fills our hearts with joy if we are just willing to let Him! And what more do we humans want than joy. We often end up causing great destruction in our lives trying to seek it, when its always right there, in its greatest, purest form.
I feel very blessed to have been shown what I was hungering for : ) Blessed to know that satisfaction is always a page or a prayer or a word away. I pray all my loved ones will come to know the same!
And have to share Psalm 63, the words of King David, which I think go along with this. (And have to share that where he speaks of his enemies who try to destroy his life, I think of the enemies that have tried to destroy mine, such as fear, anxiety, worry, self-defeating thoughts, depression, etc.)
Psalm 63
A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.
1 O God, you are my God,earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water. 2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
9 They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.
10 They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.
11 But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God's name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Part 2: Rome
The inside of my chest feels the way this looks. Glowing warm and sparkling.
For over 10 years this place has been vaguely impressed upon my mind and heart, since I went to Italy in college. Everytime I would see pretty landscaping lighting at night I would try to remember it, and it gave me this feeling, but I couldn't place what I was actually remembering.
A few months ago my friend Lori helped me figure out this was the exact place I was remembering. The ruins of the Roman Forum.
There's so many layers of stuff here I can't even word it. I am just so amazed at whats been coming out of my fingertips, and totally by the power of prayer, the power of God.
Those ruins are such a reminder to me that this life is SO temporary. But a breath. This once thriving empire is now just a decaying shell of something once great. Generation upon generation upon generation has looked upon these same ruins and thought the same things.
Psalm 39:5
You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath.
We won't be here for long!
And the top part - the stars - I am so in awe of God when I look up at a starry night sky. Like he placed diamonds in the sky just to amaze us. So beautiful.
But sometimes its hard to look much past this world. It gets in the way.
"Sometimes it seems like God is difficult to find and impossibly far away. We get so caught up in our small daily duties and irritations that they become the only things that we can focus on. What we forget is that God's love and beauty are all around us, every day, if only we would take the time to look up and see them.... " - Matthias
And that little figure up top represents me finally getting to where I can focus beyond the circumstances around me, beyond the world and its 5,000 messages it throws at me every 2 minutes, and see and focus on God, on Christ my Savior. Who was there all along. Who had plans for me even 10 years ago when I stood and looked upon this scene, at a time when I thought I didn't really need him much. He probably didn't even come to mind at the time. But now by his grace I have such peace and hope in my heart that is above the things of this world. They can't steal it away ♥
Whether you believe in God or not, you are looking at the result of much answered prayer. And it gives me such hope, I can't wait to see where God is going to lead this newfound gift! And man does it strengthen my faith. Exciting : )
I listened to this song almost the whole time I was painting this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdtWdUorGAM
For over 10 years this place has been vaguely impressed upon my mind and heart, since I went to Italy in college. Everytime I would see pretty landscaping lighting at night I would try to remember it, and it gave me this feeling, but I couldn't place what I was actually remembering.
A few months ago my friend Lori helped me figure out this was the exact place I was remembering. The ruins of the Roman Forum.
There's so many layers of stuff here I can't even word it. I am just so amazed at whats been coming out of my fingertips, and totally by the power of prayer, the power of God.
Those ruins are such a reminder to me that this life is SO temporary. But a breath. This once thriving empire is now just a decaying shell of something once great. Generation upon generation upon generation has looked upon these same ruins and thought the same things.
Psalm 39:5
You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath.
We won't be here for long!
And the top part - the stars - I am so in awe of God when I look up at a starry night sky. Like he placed diamonds in the sky just to amaze us. So beautiful.
But sometimes its hard to look much past this world. It gets in the way.
"Sometimes it seems like God is difficult to find and impossibly far away. We get so caught up in our small daily duties and irritations that they become the only things that we can focus on. What we forget is that God's love and beauty are all around us, every day, if only we would take the time to look up and see them.... " - Matthias
And that little figure up top represents me finally getting to where I can focus beyond the circumstances around me, beyond the world and its 5,000 messages it throws at me every 2 minutes, and see and focus on God, on Christ my Savior. Who was there all along. Who had plans for me even 10 years ago when I stood and looked upon this scene, at a time when I thought I didn't really need him much. He probably didn't even come to mind at the time. But now by his grace I have such peace and hope in my heart that is above the things of this world. They can't steal it away ♥
Whether you believe in God or not, you are looking at the result of much answered prayer. And it gives me such hope, I can't wait to see where God is going to lead this newfound gift! And man does it strengthen my faith. Exciting : )
I listened to this song almost the whole time I was painting this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdtWdUorGAM
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Part 1: Visions and Dreams of Sunlit Trees
Over 10 years ago I went to Italy. There were two memories I have strangely carried with me ever since, almost on a daily basis.
One of them was this tree I have never forgotten in Florence. It was early in the morning and I was by myself behind the youth hostel. The sun was hitting the tree and therewas a stone wall behind it. It was so beautful and the moment was perfect and I can even remember what i was wearing. Every single sunny morning since then, I think of that tree when I look at the trees with the sun hitting them.
It sounds weird but it gave me this weird warm feeling, its a good feeling, but a weird feeling of longing for something and I didn't know what.
So now I'll jump to a couple years ago. I was driving to work at Organic in tears. I had the strongest desire to just stay home with Gianna. I was praying and crying and asking God to let me be home more with Gianna and any other children I may have in the future. I walked in to work and got let go about a half hour later.
I was kinda stunned and told my boss what I had just prayed on the way in and he was visibly touched.
My Mom was all worried for us. But I told her to not worry, that I knew this was an answer to prayer and good things were going to come from it.
So I had an AWESOME 2 months home with my baby, and then was welcomed back at Latcha and came back to good friends and am home 1 day a week more (and spend a lot less time driving). And somehow after I went back there, my co-worker Rudy told me he wanted to teach me to paint. I'm not sure how it came up, but I could draw but never had painted anything.
So in two lessons, Rudy taught me how. We were supposed to do more, but got too busy. I've painted probably 5 paintings, but I was really slow and meticulous.
Then the beginning of this year, I decided to start working out, and Jill happened to be back there doing the same. Jill and I have never really talked much outside of work stuff here and there, but we have really grown as friends and had an impact on each other this year. As we were working out one day, Jill was telling me how her husband always wanted her to go to this nondenominational church by their home but she never would go. She told me she had had dreams of walking around the building and peeking in all the windows but had never gone. I encouraged her to go, and they went that weekend, and have been going ever since and the kids love it and it has been a really good thing in their lives.
Months back I went through a spell where I got really sad again about working. I have to work, but I go through these periods where I want to stay home soooo bad. (I have to say since then I think I am over this. I've come to the place where I am grateful for my job, and trust that wherever God has me each day is his plan for me.)
But Jill really encouraged me to keep painting and make these scripture things I do, and to just keep taking steps forward being an artist, and even if it takes a long time, eventually I can be home a lot more with my kids. I've never really had the faith though that I could ever do that. My Mom always has! But I've always kind of blown it off.
Then she says, you're going to paint me a vineyard! I've never bought a picture for my dining room because I want something really special. And I said ok but was NOT confident about it. I've never done any kind of landscape, and I'm so slow. But she seemed to have total confidence I could!
(Also, about 4 months ago, I prayed about my memories from Italy. I felt weird even praying it, but I asked God to clearly show me why I always thought of that tree and the other place, and why they gave me such a feeling, cause it had to be something!)
I needed something to really inspire me to paint the vineyard, otherwise I knew I'd never finish it, so I decided on the tree in front of the vineyard. I did an olive tree for hers, even though I don't think the actual tree was an olive tree. It seemed to go with the vineyard idea though, and I came across this great explanation of the symbolism and analogy and biblical connections between olive trees and family.
It took me a really long time to do the background, mainly just the vineyard rows and little villa. I was really frustrated one saturday afternoon. It was going really slow and it was making me feel hopeless about doing anything with this stuff in the future. The thought of painting the tree and rock wall seemed like it was going to take FOREVER and I was ready to tell Jill sorry but I can't paint this for you. Its so hard to find free time with Gianna. But I got down on my knees and again cried and prayed. I asked Jesus to help me, because I know through him I was created and He gave me this ability and desire to do this! I said Lord, I know you made me to do this, but I can't painfully squeak out one painting every 6 months. Its killing me. And I know I don't have the formal training, but I know I can do anything through you.
I lifted my head, and there was a blank canvas leaning against the wall I had left there days before. I grabbed it and tears still falling, went to the kitchen and started painting and praying. Real loose and fast and I was painting my tree. And that day it came out beautiful!!!!!!! And then I finished Jills the next day!!!!!!!! Just tweaked them here and there over the next week.
The trees have matching hearts. The hearts represent the warm feeling that tree memory has given me over the years, my love for God and Jills family's growing faith and love for God, her love for her family, our new friendship that has meant so much in the last year, the answered prayer that I prayed from the bottom of my heart, and the new hope I have in my heart that I can do something with this gift God has given me, even if it takes a while : )
The woman at JoAnne's, when I went to drop off the painting to get it framed, had a really funny reaction to it. She held her hand over her heart and was like, oh, what is this and who is it for? And why is there a heart? And she dragged her hand back and forth across the wall and had a dreamy look on her face and I told her the story about the prayer and she was like oh my gosh, this makes me feel so.. but didn't have a word for how it made her feel.
And then yesterday, my co-worker Andy, who is a total jokester, walks into Jills office, sees
the painting (not knowing where it came from) and says in all seriousness, "Someone had a vision behind that painting. Thats not just a painting of a pretty place someone saw."
So cool. : )
And today Jill said it sounds kinda crazy, but I think you should incorporate the heart into all of your paintings, like a symbol for your love for God and the gift he has given you!
<3 it!
One of them was this tree I have never forgotten in Florence. It was early in the morning and I was by myself behind the youth hostel. The sun was hitting the tree and therewas a stone wall behind it. It was so beautful and the moment was perfect and I can even remember what i was wearing. Every single sunny morning since then, I think of that tree when I look at the trees with the sun hitting them.
It sounds weird but it gave me this weird warm feeling, its a good feeling, but a weird feeling of longing for something and I didn't know what.
So now I'll jump to a couple years ago. I was driving to work at Organic in tears. I had the strongest desire to just stay home with Gianna. I was praying and crying and asking God to let me be home more with Gianna and any other children I may have in the future. I walked in to work and got let go about a half hour later.
I was kinda stunned and told my boss what I had just prayed on the way in and he was visibly touched.
My Mom was all worried for us. But I told her to not worry, that I knew this was an answer to prayer and good things were going to come from it.
So I had an AWESOME 2 months home with my baby, and then was welcomed back at Latcha and came back to good friends and am home 1 day a week more (and spend a lot less time driving). And somehow after I went back there, my co-worker Rudy told me he wanted to teach me to paint. I'm not sure how it came up, but I could draw but never had painted anything.
So in two lessons, Rudy taught me how. We were supposed to do more, but got too busy. I've painted probably 5 paintings, but I was really slow and meticulous.
Then the beginning of this year, I decided to start working out, and Jill happened to be back there doing the same. Jill and I have never really talked much outside of work stuff here and there, but we have really grown as friends and had an impact on each other this year. As we were working out one day, Jill was telling me how her husband always wanted her to go to this nondenominational church by their home but she never would go. She told me she had had dreams of walking around the building and peeking in all the windows but had never gone. I encouraged her to go, and they went that weekend, and have been going ever since and the kids love it and it has been a really good thing in their lives.
Months back I went through a spell where I got really sad again about working. I have to work, but I go through these periods where I want to stay home soooo bad. (I have to say since then I think I am over this. I've come to the place where I am grateful for my job, and trust that wherever God has me each day is his plan for me.)
But Jill really encouraged me to keep painting and make these scripture things I do, and to just keep taking steps forward being an artist, and even if it takes a long time, eventually I can be home a lot more with my kids. I've never really had the faith though that I could ever do that. My Mom always has! But I've always kind of blown it off.
Then she says, you're going to paint me a vineyard! I've never bought a picture for my dining room because I want something really special. And I said ok but was NOT confident about it. I've never done any kind of landscape, and I'm so slow. But she seemed to have total confidence I could!
(Also, about 4 months ago, I prayed about my memories from Italy. I felt weird even praying it, but I asked God to clearly show me why I always thought of that tree and the other place, and why they gave me such a feeling, cause it had to be something!)
I needed something to really inspire me to paint the vineyard, otherwise I knew I'd never finish it, so I decided on the tree in front of the vineyard. I did an olive tree for hers, even though I don't think the actual tree was an olive tree. It seemed to go with the vineyard idea though, and I came across this great explanation of the symbolism and analogy and biblical connections between olive trees and family.
It took me a really long time to do the background, mainly just the vineyard rows and little villa. I was really frustrated one saturday afternoon. It was going really slow and it was making me feel hopeless about doing anything with this stuff in the future. The thought of painting the tree and rock wall seemed like it was going to take FOREVER and I was ready to tell Jill sorry but I can't paint this for you. Its so hard to find free time with Gianna. But I got down on my knees and again cried and prayed. I asked Jesus to help me, because I know through him I was created and He gave me this ability and desire to do this! I said Lord, I know you made me to do this, but I can't painfully squeak out one painting every 6 months. Its killing me. And I know I don't have the formal training, but I know I can do anything through you.
I lifted my head, and there was a blank canvas leaning against the wall I had left there days before. I grabbed it and tears still falling, went to the kitchen and started painting and praying. Real loose and fast and I was painting my tree. And that day it came out beautiful!!!!!!! And then I finished Jills the next day!!!!!!!! Just tweaked them here and there over the next week.
The trees have matching hearts. The hearts represent the warm feeling that tree memory has given me over the years, my love for God and Jills family's growing faith and love for God, her love for her family, our new friendship that has meant so much in the last year, the answered prayer that I prayed from the bottom of my heart, and the new hope I have in my heart that I can do something with this gift God has given me, even if it takes a while : )
The woman at JoAnne's, when I went to drop off the painting to get it framed, had a really funny reaction to it. She held her hand over her heart and was like, oh, what is this and who is it for? And why is there a heart? And she dragged her hand back and forth across the wall and had a dreamy look on her face and I told her the story about the prayer and she was like oh my gosh, this makes me feel so.. but didn't have a word for how it made her feel.
And then yesterday, my co-worker Andy, who is a total jokester, walks into Jills office, sees
the painting (not knowing where it came from) and says in all seriousness, "Someone had a vision behind that painting. Thats not just a painting of a pretty place someone saw."
So cool. : )
And today Jill said it sounds kinda crazy, but I think you should incorporate the heart into all of your paintings, like a symbol for your love for God and the gift he has given you!
<3 it!
Monday, September 13, 2010
No Fear!
A few months ago I was waiting for takeout at the Boneyard. There was a woman sitting next to me bouncing her leg nervously and looking frustrated. She was a pretty blonde probably in her late thirties, she looked like she had lived hard. The sun was in my eyes and directly behind her so she was more of a silhouette and I couldn't really look directly at her once I was sitting next to her.
I said "its taking a while, huh?' And she unloaded with restrained fury. She didn't raise her voice but you could hear the venom in it. Every syllable sharply pronounced. "I've been sitting here 15 minutes. My dad is in the car waiting. I am so f-ing mad. I'd like to tell those f-ing people off. I'd like to go f-in slap somebody."
Then she quickly said with sadness in her voice, "I'm sorry. So sorry for my language. And my anger. I really struggle with it. I try to pray about it."
I could sense this struggle, this darkness about her, and I felt compelled to share my faith with her, how it had transformed me, freed me from the big hold anger and depression had had on me. But I was held back by fear.
I just touched her arm and said "I'm so sorry, I will pray for peace for you." And then my food was up, and I was gone. I drove home with such a sick feeling inside of me. If I am truly a Christian, I am to live by the words of Jesus Christ, who I follow! And he tells us to share what we have found!
Here's just one example of his words:
Matthew 5:14-16"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house."
I am great about writing out my faith, 'posting my faith', but when it comes to face to face, one on one, I am hiding my lamp under a bowl! More concerned with people thinking I'm weird or too much or saying something wrong than being used by my great God.
So I started praying for God to help me share my faith without fear.
A week or two later I called my friend Brian. We don't talk very often. Sometimes only once every month or so. I said whatcha doing? He said reading. I said watcha reading? "Share Jesus Without Fear."
Hahaha! I was like ok, guess I'm going to be reading that too! They didn't have it at the store so I had to order it.
So I got it and read it. It sounded great, its a series of questions you ask someone, and right from the get go you ask them if you can even ask them questions, if they say no, you don't. Its very unintrusive You don't just throw it at them. Its questions you ask them, and if you get far enough there are like 5 verses you have them read aloud. I don't 'tell' them anything. They share their beliefs, then the scriptures, Jesus words are shared with them, and they're the one to read them.
So a few weeks later I was at my sister-in-laws wedding. Before the reception I had to run to a store and I had the radio on for maybe 5 minutes. The host Robin Sullivan was talking about the book "Share Jesus Without Fear" and they had used it to share their faith in a park in Milford.
I was like hmmm, thats funny. I'm probably meant to read this. But I still could not IMAGINE walking up to strangers to talk to them about God.
Then I ended up friending Robin on Facebook, I love listening to her on the radio. And a couple weeks ago I get an invite to a free seminar in the park on sharing Jesus without fear!
So I went, it was awesome, we praised God to awesome worship music outside, which I LOVE. And they had tons of testimonies. And everyone talking had been afraid at first just like me. They said the majority of people are open to the questions. People like to talk about themselves. And they said you ask people at the end of the questions, "if what you are believing is wrong, would you want to know?" And if they say no and you say ok and walk away, they often are like "Well wait! What were you gonna say?"
This teenage girl said she spoke to another teenage girl who accepted Christ and the girl sat there with her hands on her heart, looking kinda stunned, saying "My heart! My heart feels different!"
I don't know what that instantaneous change feels like. The change in my life was very gradual, but I saw it happen with my sister. In a moment she went from thinking I was nuts, to her hand over her heart telling me she loved Jesus, lol! And saying it like she was even stunned that she was saying it : )
And I know this sounds crazy to people, which is why I was so afraid to go talking to people! I can remember what I used to think of people like this! This is not a popular thing to go out and do!
BUT, I also remember what I used to feel like inside! Empty and sad and depressed, with a big hole in me. Something missing. I looked fine on the outside! But I was not fine on the inside. I needed God. So bad. And I know there are other people, probably lots, like that, walking around me every day.
So yesterday was the day we went to share. At Spicer's Orchard in Fenton. I was on the verge of anxiety at moments earlier in the day.
I prayed all the way out there and had people praying for me. I really prayed for God to hook me up with the right person, you go in pairs.
And I ended up with a girl about my age, and I love her! Totally made a new friend. I drove her home and we talked and have so much in common. And she was so cool how she talked to people. She is the youth leader at her church and she's just so laid back and down to earth.
The first people she took us over to were two girls, maybe early twenties, lots of tats. The one girl had a wicked looking tattoo of a tree coming out of her cleavage. They were so open to talking to us. One of them believed in God and Heaven, no hell, and no Jesus. The other believed in nothing. When we said if you are wrong, would you want to know? And they said no. So we asked if we could pray for anything, and the one who believed in God said her Grandma. So as we bow our heads to pray, the one who doesn't believe in God shuffles forward and bows her head and says "I want to pray too." Interesting!!!
We met another person who was Lutheran and goes to church, but couldn't answer "Who is Jesus to you" She kinda looked baffled and shook her head. She didn't believe in hell, and didn't want to know if she were wrong. Kinda sad, seeing that Jesus is the foundation of Christianity and the whole reason he existed was to take our punishment and save us from Hell. If you don't believe that, thats fine, but to be in a Christian church and not know that means something is really wrong!
And all of the rest of the people we went up to? Believers! Haha! I said, I think God is breaking me in, and I'm sure he was using us to encourage other believers to share their faith. And it was so natural. It was just like walking around having conversations with people. We didn't stick out. I didn't even notice the other people we were with now that I think about it. It was really cool. I had one man tell me he didn't have time for my questions, and that was fine!
So glad I stepped over that line of fear! Pushed past the visions in my head of me walking around like a sore thumb sticking out. I think in the picture in my head I was wearing a pilgrim outfit and clutching an oversized bible in my arm, lol!
My fav was the last girl we talked to. She had short funky purpley brown hair and a couple piercings. When we asked "Who is Jesus to you?" She said, "My Lord and Savior!" Hahaha. Then we stood and talked about God for a while while her kids played.
It was a beautiful evening. : )
I said "its taking a while, huh?' And she unloaded with restrained fury. She didn't raise her voice but you could hear the venom in it. Every syllable sharply pronounced. "I've been sitting here 15 minutes. My dad is in the car waiting. I am so f-ing mad. I'd like to tell those f-ing people off. I'd like to go f-in slap somebody."
Then she quickly said with sadness in her voice, "I'm sorry. So sorry for my language. And my anger. I really struggle with it. I try to pray about it."
I could sense this struggle, this darkness about her, and I felt compelled to share my faith with her, how it had transformed me, freed me from the big hold anger and depression had had on me. But I was held back by fear.
I just touched her arm and said "I'm so sorry, I will pray for peace for you." And then my food was up, and I was gone. I drove home with such a sick feeling inside of me. If I am truly a Christian, I am to live by the words of Jesus Christ, who I follow! And he tells us to share what we have found!
Here's just one example of his words:
Matthew 5:14-16"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house."
I am great about writing out my faith, 'posting my faith', but when it comes to face to face, one on one, I am hiding my lamp under a bowl! More concerned with people thinking I'm weird or too much or saying something wrong than being used by my great God.
So I started praying for God to help me share my faith without fear.
A week or two later I called my friend Brian. We don't talk very often. Sometimes only once every month or so. I said whatcha doing? He said reading. I said watcha reading? "Share Jesus Without Fear."
Hahaha! I was like ok, guess I'm going to be reading that too! They didn't have it at the store so I had to order it.
So I got it and read it. It sounded great, its a series of questions you ask someone, and right from the get go you ask them if you can even ask them questions, if they say no, you don't. Its very unintrusive You don't just throw it at them. Its questions you ask them, and if you get far enough there are like 5 verses you have them read aloud. I don't 'tell' them anything. They share their beliefs, then the scriptures, Jesus words are shared with them, and they're the one to read them.
So a few weeks later I was at my sister-in-laws wedding. Before the reception I had to run to a store and I had the radio on for maybe 5 minutes. The host Robin Sullivan was talking about the book "Share Jesus Without Fear" and they had used it to share their faith in a park in Milford.
I was like hmmm, thats funny. I'm probably meant to read this. But I still could not IMAGINE walking up to strangers to talk to them about God.
Then I ended up friending Robin on Facebook, I love listening to her on the radio. And a couple weeks ago I get an invite to a free seminar in the park on sharing Jesus without fear!
So I went, it was awesome, we praised God to awesome worship music outside, which I LOVE. And they had tons of testimonies. And everyone talking had been afraid at first just like me. They said the majority of people are open to the questions. People like to talk about themselves. And they said you ask people at the end of the questions, "if what you are believing is wrong, would you want to know?" And if they say no and you say ok and walk away, they often are like "Well wait! What were you gonna say?"
This teenage girl said she spoke to another teenage girl who accepted Christ and the girl sat there with her hands on her heart, looking kinda stunned, saying "My heart! My heart feels different!"
I don't know what that instantaneous change feels like. The change in my life was very gradual, but I saw it happen with my sister. In a moment she went from thinking I was nuts, to her hand over her heart telling me she loved Jesus, lol! And saying it like she was even stunned that she was saying it : )
And I know this sounds crazy to people, which is why I was so afraid to go talking to people! I can remember what I used to think of people like this! This is not a popular thing to go out and do!
BUT, I also remember what I used to feel like inside! Empty and sad and depressed, with a big hole in me. Something missing. I looked fine on the outside! But I was not fine on the inside. I needed God. So bad. And I know there are other people, probably lots, like that, walking around me every day.
So yesterday was the day we went to share. At Spicer's Orchard in Fenton. I was on the verge of anxiety at moments earlier in the day.
I prayed all the way out there and had people praying for me. I really prayed for God to hook me up with the right person, you go in pairs.
And I ended up with a girl about my age, and I love her! Totally made a new friend. I drove her home and we talked and have so much in common. And she was so cool how she talked to people. She is the youth leader at her church and she's just so laid back and down to earth.
The first people she took us over to were two girls, maybe early twenties, lots of tats. The one girl had a wicked looking tattoo of a tree coming out of her cleavage. They were so open to talking to us. One of them believed in God and Heaven, no hell, and no Jesus. The other believed in nothing. When we said if you are wrong, would you want to know? And they said no. So we asked if we could pray for anything, and the one who believed in God said her Grandma. So as we bow our heads to pray, the one who doesn't believe in God shuffles forward and bows her head and says "I want to pray too." Interesting!!!
We met another person who was Lutheran and goes to church, but couldn't answer "Who is Jesus to you" She kinda looked baffled and shook her head. She didn't believe in hell, and didn't want to know if she were wrong. Kinda sad, seeing that Jesus is the foundation of Christianity and the whole reason he existed was to take our punishment and save us from Hell. If you don't believe that, thats fine, but to be in a Christian church and not know that means something is really wrong!
And all of the rest of the people we went up to? Believers! Haha! I said, I think God is breaking me in, and I'm sure he was using us to encourage other believers to share their faith. And it was so natural. It was just like walking around having conversations with people. We didn't stick out. I didn't even notice the other people we were with now that I think about it. It was really cool. I had one man tell me he didn't have time for my questions, and that was fine!
So glad I stepped over that line of fear! Pushed past the visions in my head of me walking around like a sore thumb sticking out. I think in the picture in my head I was wearing a pilgrim outfit and clutching an oversized bible in my arm, lol!
My fav was the last girl we talked to. She had short funky purpley brown hair and a couple piercings. When we asked "Who is Jesus to you?" She said, "My Lord and Savior!" Hahaha. Then we stood and talked about God for a while while her kids played.
It was a beautiful evening. : )
Monday, August 30, 2010
Before and After
So just a simple list of the things that were in my life before I began living with Jesus Christ as my Lord, my God. As Lord of EVERY day and every moment, no longer just an hour here, or a moment there or during a crisis.
Before:
Anxiety attacks!
Discontentment
Occasional feelings of hopelessness or despair
Sadness
A love of drunkenness often resulting in sickness, hangovers, and more intensified feelings of the items listed above.
Anger and outbursts
Envy
I lovvvvvvved gossip
Sexual issues that put a damper on my marriage
Longing and dreaming of a husband who would be more romantic and make me feel 'special' and give me butterflies in my tummy
Fear
Fear of the dark!
Fear of loved ones dying. Couldn't even stand to think of losing my Mom.
Great disappointment every time a fun event ended. Vacation, wedding, long weekend, etc.
Fantasizing about a bigger house, a cooler car, a better body, a more fantastic vacation, a bigger paycheck
Smoked like a chimney. Often in an effort to calm down, lol. Yeah, that nicotine has such calming effects, right?
Chronic painful bladder issues from the age of 5 the docs had no explanation for. For over 20 years! Led to fear of being anywhere too far from a bathroom, and many embarrasing moments, such as peeing on the George Washington bridge in the middle of a traffic jam, or making people stop 6 or 7 times on a long car ride. (Did make for some funny stories after the fact!)
Trash talking.
Making fun of people.
A desire to be 'better' than other people.
Holding grudges.
Insecurity.
A belief that I didn't have what it takes to draw, paint, be an 'artist'.
And just an overall longing for something more. Whenever I would see a beautiful sunrise or would look out over lake huron, I had this feeling inside of me I couldn't describe. A bittersweet feeling, a feeling of enjoying something so beautiful, yet this unattainable feeling. This feeling of something huge, grand, epic, beautiful, yet sad somehow, beyond my grasp, not mine. (Thats actually how I felt in church most of my life too!)
After:
Peace!
Fullness of heart and soul
Hope for today and the future
Joy
A deeper love and appreciation for my husband, a knowledge that God gave me him, and that God created sex as a beautiful thing in marriage, and it is good!
Knowing where my husband lacks in making me feel special and giving me butterflies, God is there. You wouldn't believe all the passages in scripture that are as a love letter. But better even than from a man, from the God of all!
Gratitude for all that I have been amazingly blessed with.
A daily feeling of excitement to read God's word, spend time in prayer with the creator of the universe!!!!!! Gratefulness that He hears me, forgives me, accepts me. So many many instances of seeing these prayers undeniably and amazingly answered! THAT is exciting.
A desire to comfort and encourage others. An ability to pray for others who have hurt me or who I don't 'like'.
Much greater confidence. God made me and God don't make junk!
The belief that God made me to be an 'artist'. Excited for things to come and confident in the abilities that come from Him!
Healing! Emotionally, spiritually, and physically. And I'm not all that concerned if there's no bathroom where we're going!
: )
And now I know what that longing was. I was looking at God's creation, but not really knowing God. Now when I look out at the sunset, over the lake, I want to sing, rejoice, thank God. I know that Psalm 19 says "The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech, night after night they display knowledge."
I can hear their declarations now, and my soul is filled just to declare His glory with them. What before I looked out at with longing and awe and bittersweetness, I now look upon with joy and feel connected to my God. Last night I stopped in Kensington at sunset and pulled off the side of the road and there was an awesome sunset over a little lake with swans and a mini tree covered mountain and I sang at the top of my lungs. And the only ones that heard me (I think anyway) were God and the swans and it was AWESOME. Filled my tank to full and overflowing.
And I still struggle occasionally with a few of the things on my list, and probably always will! But now these things are just an occasional struggle, not a way of life. And I am soooooo far from perfect! And I screw up regularly. But God is full of mercy and guides me back onto the path and forgives and renews me DAILY.
God is GOOD!
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Chains Be Broken
Huge open sky and can see the sun all the way down to the horizon. No one there but me (and sometimes Gianna) in a big grassy field. What's even funnier is in the distance is the garbage dump, but it actually looks just like one of the long flat-topped hills from Israel, and over there all hazy in the distance it just adds to the peacefulness. Romans 8:28 - God is working for good in ALL things for those who love him, lol!
So the people I went to pray for, I have felt like I don't really know what to pray for them. The situation seems hopeless, but if I believe in Almighty God, I have to believe He is bigger than any circumstance, right? Since its been 5 years now, I think I sometimes forget the amazing way God showed up in my own life when it SEEMED hopeless! Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is being SURE of what we hope for and certain of what we do NOT see!
Yesterday on the way home from work the radio host pointed out that in the end of a certain song there was the subtle sound of chains rattling. I wouldn't have noticed it had she not said it, but she pointed out that is what Christ does for us, breaks the chains that bind us, frees us. And boy do I know it, to think back to all the negative oppressive things I had hanging on me for much of my life. Stuff other people might not notice so much, but inside, the anxiety, the gnawing subtle depression and discontent on a daily basis. Those chains were busted right off of me!
So after bringing this up in bible study, sharing I didn't really know what to pray for them, and after something my friend had to say regarding the situation, I ended up sitting in my sunset spot praying for their chains to be broken. Not, as usual, for God to show me what I can do, but for Him to show me what only HE can do!
Then I opened my bible and prayed that God would speak to me regarding this "SEEMingly" hopeless situation and one of the first underlined passages that jumped out at me was Hosea 6:3 - He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring."
And this in turn brought to mind one of my favorite songs, and since no one is around, I began to sing it aloud as the sun set before me:
As surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us
As certain as the dawn appears
You'll come
Let Your glory fall
As You respond to us
Spirit rain
Flood into our thirsty hearts again
I sang it several times, even continuing on the way home, before realizing the part of the chorus I was leaving out!:
Chains be broken(!!!)
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed
So perfect!
(The song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YakK0ozLEw )
Monday, July 26, 2010
Forgiven
I was surprised at myself looking back on it. I never thought I would be like that. Then on top of it I chose to do something I shouldn't have done, a choice that did not honor Him or myself, and again looked back on it like oh my gosh, why did I do that?
But through feeling this way it has truly been impressed upon me how BIG his love and mercy are. And I truly understand what his word says in Romans 8:28 -
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Because though it may sound strange, I actually feel hugely blessed in feeling so repentant and humbled. It kinda hurts to be humbled, but at the same time it is a huge blessing.
I feel very aware of my fallen nature. Very aware that though I may do my best to walk each day in a way that honors God, I will mess up, sometimes badly, will act selfishly, and I am no 'better' than anybody else.
And this makes me very aware of God's love and mercy. Of how big Jesus' love for us is, while we are still sinners(!), and how badly I need Him.
His ability and choice to forgive the sins of the entire world, so fully, so purely and completely, with no leftovers or even minute traces of resentment, anger, or bitterness, is something no human could EVER do.
He alone is God. He alone is mighty. He alone has the power to fully forgive and save. He alone would want and choose to love and be close to those who do so much against Him, who ignore Him or turn on Him, get unjustly mad at Him or blame Him, doubt him, yell at Him or tell Him off.
But He is still there with open arms. He is knocking at the door. All we have to do is answer.
I am not sure if this is totally in context with what I'm talking about, but it keeps coming to mind: In the book of Hosea in the old testament, there is a part where God is speaking of the love He will have for those who had turned away from Him. He said He would allure them, lead them, draw them back to Him.
He says "I will show my love to the one I called 'Not my loved one'. I will say to those called 'Not my people', 'You are my people', and they will say 'You are my God.'
While they were still against Him and honoring other other "gods", He was speaking of when they would be turned back toward Him, when He would be loving them.
Because He is forgiving and loving. And worthy of all praise.
I am so grateful to know Him, to have the eyes to see the beauty of his Words, to be his child, to feel His presence, to be the recipient of his most beautiful gift of Love and Mercy.
To Him be all the glory : )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1jVuyOQUwk
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Last-Minute Pancakes
There is a cute little diner at the end of my street. I think its been there for decades, probably not the same owners, but I know our friends dad worked there as a kid, so its been there a while.
Gianna and I rode our bike there this morning and had a lovely time. We ended up stopping back in on the way to church and dropped off the following note, some cheery flowers, and the attached pic of her eating her pancakes. The letter I wrote explains why:
Sunday, July 18th 2010
I just have to share how touched I was at your restaurant this morning.
I have lived in Rosedale Gardens 5 years. I have thought many many times about coming in your restaurant but I don’t know why I never did.
This morning I asked my 2 year old Gianna if she wanted to go for bike ride and have breakfast and she said YES!! So we rode to your restaurant.
I have had a rough week. This morning as I sat in your restauraunt, I thought here is one of those moments of ‘refreshment’. A little gift from God. The song ‘some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this’ was playing on the radio.
I have complained a lot this week. Been ungrateful and ignored all I have to be thankful for. Focused on all the negative.
And I realized in that moment, as I sat across from my little girl with her blueberry pancakes, that it was one of the best moments of my entire life and I had so much to be thankful for. I planned to do this every week. Felt excited to think of it as being our little Sunday morning thing. Imagined her growing older each week across from me in that booth.
Then I got up and told the waitress how I’d never been there but loved it and planned to come many more times. And she told me its your last day, that you are closing. I couldn’t believe it. I thought she must be kidding, but she wasn't.
I am so sorry that in this big beautiful neighborhood your restaurant has to close. Perhaps so many like me think about stopping in but don’t. I cried all the way home. Have tears on my face as I write this. I’m just so sorry.
But I am thankful for my memorable morning. I am sure too there is a reason God brought me there on the very last day out of all these years.
I will be praying for what follows for you. God is good. Seek Him first and you can know that all the rest shall be given to you.
God bless and thankyou.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeramiah 29:11
Perhaps someone needed to know someone cared today. Needed to know God cared. I know its not coincidence. Not when for over 1800 days I've lived here and ended up there at the last minute, feeling like the richest woman in the world just to be there eating blueberry pancakes with my girl, then just to find out they're closing in a matter of hours.
I am so amazed at God's timing.
Monday July 19th -
So I think this experience hit home even more when I drove by on my way to work today and saw the building sitting there with sign gone and windows papered over. Once again tears came. I can so clearly remember just yesterday, the sunny morning, got a picture of it in my mind as if outside looking in. Our bike sitting outside, gianna's little pink helmet, she and I in our booth eating our breakfast, having our once in a lifetime moment. And poof, its gone, boarded up, papered over, closed off.
I feel so strongly in my heart a reminder from God of how temporary this life truly is. Think of all of those who are gone that were before us. In what we'll look back on as the blink of an eye, we will be too. Our babies will be grown. Our hair grey. Our lives behind us.
There is only one thing that makes this not bring despair to my heart. The fact that Jesus defeated death that it will not be permanent for those who will just believe! Not the most popular thing to tell people. Probably sounds crazy to some. It used to sound somewhat crazy to me. But I have experienced Him! Have seen the many evidences for the bible, have had my life changed. Myself and many lives connected to mine.
Gianna and I rode our bike there this morning and had a lovely time. We ended up stopping back in on the way to church and dropped off the following note, some cheery flowers, and the attached pic of her eating her pancakes. The letter I wrote explains why:
Sunday, July 18th 2010
I just have to share how touched I was at your restaurant this morning.
I have lived in Rosedale Gardens 5 years. I have thought many many times about coming in your restaurant but I don’t know why I never did.
This morning I asked my 2 year old Gianna if she wanted to go for bike ride and have breakfast and she said YES!! So we rode to your restaurant.
I have had a rough week. This morning as I sat in your restauraunt, I thought here is one of those moments of ‘refreshment’. A little gift from God. The song ‘some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this’ was playing on the radio.
I have complained a lot this week. Been ungrateful and ignored all I have to be thankful for. Focused on all the negative.
And I realized in that moment, as I sat across from my little girl with her blueberry pancakes, that it was one of the best moments of my entire life and I had so much to be thankful for. I planned to do this every week. Felt excited to think of it as being our little Sunday morning thing. Imagined her growing older each week across from me in that booth.
Then I got up and told the waitress how I’d never been there but loved it and planned to come many more times. And she told me its your last day, that you are closing. I couldn’t believe it. I thought she must be kidding, but she wasn't.
I am so sorry that in this big beautiful neighborhood your restaurant has to close. Perhaps so many like me think about stopping in but don’t. I cried all the way home. Have tears on my face as I write this. I’m just so sorry.
But I am thankful for my memorable morning. I am sure too there is a reason God brought me there on the very last day out of all these years.
I will be praying for what follows for you. God is good. Seek Him first and you can know that all the rest shall be given to you.
God bless and thankyou.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeramiah 29:11
Perhaps someone needed to know someone cared today. Needed to know God cared. I know its not coincidence. Not when for over 1800 days I've lived here and ended up there at the last minute, feeling like the richest woman in the world just to be there eating blueberry pancakes with my girl, then just to find out they're closing in a matter of hours.
I am so amazed at God's timing.
Monday July 19th -
So I think this experience hit home even more when I drove by on my way to work today and saw the building sitting there with sign gone and windows papered over. Once again tears came. I can so clearly remember just yesterday, the sunny morning, got a picture of it in my mind as if outside looking in. Our bike sitting outside, gianna's little pink helmet, she and I in our booth eating our breakfast, having our once in a lifetime moment. And poof, its gone, boarded up, papered over, closed off.
I feel so strongly in my heart a reminder from God of how temporary this life truly is. Think of all of those who are gone that were before us. In what we'll look back on as the blink of an eye, we will be too. Our babies will be grown. Our hair grey. Our lives behind us.
There is only one thing that makes this not bring despair to my heart. The fact that Jesus defeated death that it will not be permanent for those who will just believe! Not the most popular thing to tell people. Probably sounds crazy to some. It used to sound somewhat crazy to me. But I have experienced Him! Have seen the many evidences for the bible, have had my life changed. Myself and many lives connected to mine.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
