Provision

I barely have it in me to write this right now, but have to share.

Yesterday Gianna and I go grocery shopping, we were there for well over an hour. She started crabbing toward the end and I was ready to get out of there, go home and deal with my headache, I hadn't had any headache medicine at home and needed to get home and take some.

We wait in line, get all the groceries rung up and in my cart, and then I write the check, and they won't accept it. Check number is too low. And I can't find my debit card. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. Just sucked it up and in disappointment walked away from the cart, got in the car empty-handed, and went home with my pounding headache, and no Tylenol.

I called my friend who prayed for my headache and I took a hot bath and got some relief for a bit, but it came back later and stronger and I had nothing. In the middle of the night I took one of Jason's vicodin and it wasn't helping. Then I started freaking out a little like what is wrong with my head! But thank God for Phillipians 4:6-7, which always has brought me peace in moments of anxiety.

So this morning I'm running late and didn't stop on the way to church for pain medicine.  I did have a credit card of mine Jason found though. After church I stop for gas and couldn't WAIT to get to the store, get my pain meds and stuff for dinner and go home and relax with a heating pad on my neck as my friend at church had recommended.

And the card. was. declined.

Turns out it was an expired card. I had 5 bucks in my pocket for gas, but the thought at not being able to go get my excedrin and some groceries for dinner was such a bummer. I was on the verge of some serious tears. I sat in my car and prayed. I said God pleeeeeeeeese, I don't know how but PLEASE make a way for me to just go get some excedrin and something to make for dinner. It may not seem like that big of a deal, but in that moment it just felt hugely frustrating and like more than I could take. Like realllly????? Omgsh.

I just sat there for a minute with my face in my hands and then I started rummaging around in my car.

And I found $15 sandwiched in some papers in the glove box!!!!!!!!! And its easy to dismiss and say oh I left that in there, which I'm sure I did, but the bottom line is I was sitting there with nothing, no money, and I prayed and plead in desperation for God to make a way for me to get what I needed. And within a minute I had it! So awesome.

Then right after I walk in Meijer, this woman shopping says hey, I was in line behind you yesterday, you left your daughters gloves in the cart! So I go to customer service and they say they don't have them. I see the lady who rang me up and she comes over and finds them and I tell her my 15 dollars in the glove box story :o)

And it was a good lesson for me to shop with that 15 dollars. I had to weigh out the few veggies I bought, I bought one big potato and plan to mix that in with some instant potatoes. I had to add everything up to the dollar. Some people live like that everyday. Even though my financial situation isn't the greatest because we have a good deal of debt, we are blessed to have jobs and the ability to buy the food we need regularly, and this made me more appreciative.

And God showed himself in a big way to me today.

And yesterday I was also going to buy a booster seat because Gianna is too big for her carseat and its a huge unneeded added frustration getting her in and out of my car. I had decided ok this is enough of this. And do you know that I said nothing about it to Jason, but last night he offered me his booster seat from his car? Just to be nice!?

God is good. And though the last day and a half has been filled with frustration and an aching head, He has shown Himself to me in the little things, and I feel loved, a little humbled,  and a little more faith-filled today. : )

And now my pork chops are in the oven, Gianna just laid down for a nap, and I'm going to go lay down with my head on a heating pad and relax!

Walking with God

I just started reading the book Walking with God by John Eldridge. I think each day I'll share an excerpt or something meaningful I got out of it, so someone else can get something out of it too : )

The introduction says 'It is our deepest need, as human beings, to learn to live intimately with God. It is what we were made for.' He talks about Adam and Eve before the fall and says whatever they had, is what we were meant to have too. And that what they enjoyed above all else, is they walked with God. They talked with Him, and He with them.

And he believes we can have that same communion with God. And I do too! I've come to learn when I am truly seeking God, I feel his presence, there is a warmth in my heart.

A very recent real example for me is Sunday afternoon I finally set time aside to do that after a tired, distracted couple of weeks. It was kinda cloudy outside, and dark inside, and I lit a couple candles and made some tea and got my bible and another book by beth moore and got cozy at my kitchen table, prayed and spent some time seeking God and reading his word.

And God so spoke to my heart. I ended up at 1 Chronicles 28:9-10. This is where King David is giving advice to his son Solomon, who is about to take over the throne, and take on the task of building God's temple. And Beth Moore talked about how this is good advice for anyone, not just Solomon, on being successful at God's plans for your life. (I was thinking of my artwork)

I had been reading more of the passage, but when I got to this part, it was just different. It just stood out and spoke so clearly to me. Especially these specific words:

Acknowledge God. Serve Him with wholehearted devotion and a willing mind. Seek him, be strong, and do the work!

And even more, from those words, 'wholehearted devotion' and 'do the work' stood out.

Do the work stood out because I am a procrastinator. I need to just do the work, and in combination with wholehearted devotion, I know God will use me to do amazing things, because it won't be all about me, it will be about Him.

Wholehearted devotion.

That is what God asks us of us. And though it can sound a bit much, or sound like he is egotistical, it is what brings us joy! When I am wholeheartedly devoted to Him, I have such warmth, joy, peace, in my heart! And the Beth Moore book talked about how our natural instinct is NOT to be wholly devoted to God. It is not to love him above all things. But we can pray for God to change our hearts.  She cited Deuteronomy 30:6, here is a version from the message, a more everyday interpretation of the bible:

God, your God, will cut away the thick calluses on your heart and your children's hearts, freeing you to love God, your God, with your WHOLE heart and soul [which is the greatest commandment] and live, really live.

Live. Really live!!

I sincerely prayed then for God to change my heart. To make my heart desire to love Him with wholehearted devotion come more naturally. And all week I have just had such a warm, loving feeling in my chest. All week. Its been such a blessing. There have been entire years where I didn't have one single day that felt as beautiful as the last 4 have. And I know without spending time with Him, it will fade. But I know with spending time with Him, it doesn't have to! He is always available, always waiting.

He is so good and He is available to us all.

Jeremiah 29:13 - you will seek me and find me, when you seek me with ALL your heart.

And if you don't have the desire to seek Him with all of your heart, ask for it. : )

(this post ended up being more of a regular post than about the book, but I will share more from the book as I read it!)

Hidden Talent - Part 2

Short and Sweet.

Last night I was telling my sister about the whole painting thing with my friend, and how I saw the Van Gogh starry cafe image in the coney island, went home, checked the Painting with a Twist calendar, and saw that they are painting it Dec. 2nd, and how excited I was about it.

I was telling her this on the way to our friends house. As we pulled in the driveway I was pulling the image of the painting up on my phone cause she wasn't sure which one. We sat there a minute in the driveway until I found it. I show it to her, we get out walk into the house, and there it is again, framed and in our friends house.

And our friends are mom and daughter, and the daughter Michelle lives in a separate apartment attached to the house. We never go to her side. We've been getting together once every 5 or 6 weeks the last year, and we always go to Barb's side. For the first time we went to Michelles side. And once again there was the starry cafe. I believe a little confirmation that I am on the right path! So excited : )

Hidden Talent

Had the coolest thing happen the other day. A friend shared a video with me of Akiane Kramarik. She is a young girl who has been painting amazing things inspired by God since she was about 5 years old. I had seen a video of her about a year ago and was interested to watch again after having grown so greatly in my own artistic abilities and passion since then.

I shared the video on Facebook, and the next day my best friend Shanna posted a slideshow of the girl's paintings on my wall. I watched it that night before leaving work and was blown away by the amount and quality of her work from such a young age.

The very next morning my friend Brian calls me. Haven't talked to him in well over a month. He tells me there's this girl you HAVE to check out. Her names Akiane and she does these amazing God-inspired paintings! He had not been on Facebook and seen any of the posts! Totally unrelated yet he callls me the very next morning after I had been inspired by her work!

So I go later to look her up again and google her and end up at her website. The very first thing my eye goes to out of a bunch of little thumbnails is this woman on a bench. It makes me think of my painting, but even moreso, the reference of myself I had Jason shoot for my painting. And my feet had been more like hers, but I stripped in those crossed feet because I like them better. If my head had been the other direction our posture would be identical. And that is the exact posture I had in mind before I started, couldn't find any reference online, so I had Jason take a picture of me!

And her description was so similar. A woman waiting for meaningful direction in her life. And she even talks about the candle and wind and that the flame's direction will move when the wind comes, and mine has wind as a huge part of it, in part symbolizing the harshness of where I was, but also symbolizing something new blowing in.

Check it out:

Then the next day Shanna keeps trying to call me at work. I texted her and told her I would call her on my lunch hour. She says I have to tell you something about that girl's paintings. So of course I go outside to call her!

She said she was so drawn to them and they gave her this warm feeling in her chest and inspired her. But then she was looking at peoples comments and they say its a hoax and the God thing ruins it, or the God things not true. It was disappointing to her. I told her there will always be those people. People say the God thing ruins it, but the work wouldn't even exist without this girl being inspired by God! And just go to youtube and look at any of the comments under anything. Sometimes even in the comments under Caillou people are saying awful things.

And there is a chance its a hoax I suppose. But what artist would spend all those years making beautiful artwork and not get the credit? And I found a video that in fast forward shows her doing a painting from start to finish.

But anyways, those are just my ramblings. Shanna still said she was inspired to want to paint herself. She said I know it sounds crazy but I want to try.

We made a date for Sunday after church. When I got there she showed me her sketchbook that had 4 drawings in it from 7 years ago. They were good! One was of a womans face with hair swept across it and it was really really good. I was like What???? Craziness. I remember her drawing some bunnies once years ago that I thought were pretty good but it was more cartoony and didn't think a whole lot about it. But she can really draw! All these years and never realized we had artistic abilities in common.

We both worked on painting a copy of a painting she has in her house. More of an abstract painting of a building front. It was a learning experience for me too, played with texture, lots of fun. And the kids played for like 4 and a half hours and pretty much left us alone!

We both used to be into video games years ago and would play them for hours, and after a long time you'd get this sick wasted feeling, like a numb, nasty why-did-I-just-waste-5-hours-doing-that feeling.

Shanna said I keep waiting for that feeling to come, but it doesn't! Not when you are doing something good, inspiring and not mind-numbing! : )  And I said whether or not that girl is a hoax, look at what we are doing as a result of her inspiring work!

It was so much fun and I am excited to do this every week!!! And Gianna had a ball. She might get a little rougher around the edges tearing through the house with 3 boys for hours on end on a regular basis, but whatever! Lol : )

And then the next day at work I go to start working on the chalkboard wall, doing a Christmas scene. We are having a weekend event where clients come in and get holiday photos taken and the whole place is being decorated really beautifully. I was thinking I still had 2 weeks, and come to find its this weekend and I got a little nervous.

An ACCOUNT guy at my work asked if I needed help and I kind of jokingly said sure, thinking he was maybe kidding. But he comes back and starts helping me with just a little guidance and he hasn't ever really done artistic work but he's doing an awesome job. He tells me how he's been thinking of trying to paint! And everyone keeps walking by saying Tony?! Didn't know you could do this! Kinda bizarre, 2 days in a row of this. I wonder if I am meant to be an art teacher and this is a tiny little preview or message or something! (And we finished it in 2 days and it looks really cool! And had lots of fun doing it.)

So I remembered the week before Jill's friend told me about a place in Ferndale where you can go and take a bottle of wine and everyone paints the same picture. Sometimes you copy a famous one. A class for people of all levels. Jill got me the web address and I looked it up and they have a calendar that shows what paintings for each day. I told Tony, Shanna, and my friend Lisa who wants to get back into painting after many years and everyone thought it sounded cool.

Last night Jason and I were at the coney island and a print of Van Gogh's cafe at night was hanging and I told him I love that painting so much and see it a lot lately. (Including in Jill's house) When we got home I went to the website for Painting with a Twist, to see if they had the December calendar up yet. They did, and on December 2nd they are doing that exact painting!!!! I'm so excited! Its this one and I LOVE love love it: (and I think I have a night/blue/yellow thing going on with most of my paintings!)

I hope everyone else likes this one as much and can go that night, still waiting to hear back. But I am really excited to paint this and have my own version hanging in my house! And it will be a really cool learning experience for us all I'm sure.

I am so thankful to God and so in love with this new direction in my life! And fun to see it may be a direction in some other lives too! : )

Starry Sky

One night when we were up north Labor Day weekend, we were all sitting around the campfire. My niece Taylor was singing and playing the guitar and we were all singing along when we knew the words. I asked if she knew any worship songs some of us would know and we sang Our God is Greater by Chris Tomlin. I was looking up into the starry sky and it was awesome.

I was really intrigued with the stars at that moment. Its when I was in the middle of working on my Rome painting and it has a starry sky in it and I was constantly listening to the song Starry Night by Chris August as I painted. I wanted to go down to the beach and sing it again, but I didn't want to steal her from everybody. I figured I'd wait a little bit and then ask cause everyone was having fun.

Then about a half hour later I looked up and the stars were gone. I walked out on the road to see if it was just a big cloud passing by, but the sky was completely covered over. It had sounded so perfect to go down to the beach and worship God under the beautiful masterpiece of His stars, which are 100x's more awesome way up there. I was so disappointed and wished I hadn't waited to ask.

I had to go lay Gianna down for bed and as I laid with her I prayed for God to let the sky clear that we may go sing that song to Him under the stars.

And when I went back outside about 20 minutes later and looked up there they were! I grabbed Taylor and her and I walked to the end of the road by the beach. I told her on the way what I had prayed and she looked up and said look, they're just right above us, its cloudy all around. It was just like a giant hole in the clouds above us. : )

We sang the song and it was unforgettably perfect and as we were ending everyone came running down and were laughing and talking and horsing around looking at the stars and they noticed too it was just a big opening.

We watched it close within a minute or two, and the stars were completely gone. They came out just long enough for us to sing our song. Fills my heart.

And then unexpectedly my nieces and I ended up having a very good conversation about God there in the road with my brother and cousin. We prayed in a big warm huddle and it was perfect and I will always have such a crystal clear memory of it in my head.

Love!

The Our God is Greater Song

The Starry Night Song

Something Missing

Have to share this. I know almost exactly where this woman is coming from. Only difference was mine wasn't really a 'dying' faith, there wasn't much to revive, I had never really lived in faith before.

A Dying Faith Revived 
by Wendy Blight

"Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard 
through the word of Christ." Romans 10:17 (NIV)         

Law school. Two words that scare some and impress others. 

I gave three years of my life to the study of law...compiling facts, reading case law, applying that law, and making arguments. I spent hour after hour in the law library. Researching, studying, and writing consumed my every day. My hard work paid off when I made law review. 

It paid off again when I passed the bar.

It paid off again upon graduation when I walked through the doors to begin my first day at one of the largest, most prestigious firms in downtown Dallas.

It should have been the best time of my life, but instead it felt empty, without purpose. I found no joy, no satisfaction in what I did every day. I spent so much time and invested so much money to get to this place. Something was missing. 

What I felt in the depths of my soul was the cry of a dying faith...hunger pangs of a weary soul. I had filled myself full of worldly knowledge, yet I had starved myself of spiritual knowledge.

Friend, do you feel that way as you read my words? Do you feel empty, dry, and weary? Faith feeds on the Word of God. Without a steady intake of God's Word in our lives, we grow weaker and weaker. I tried to feed my faith on a two minute devotional in the morning...maybe a few times a week...if that.

When we starve our faith, we move farther and farther from our Father's heart. We find it hard to trust Him. Sometimes we avoid worshiping Him. We feel guilty. We feel alone. Listen to words from our Father's heart:

"Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ." Romans 10:17 (NIV)

 "Jesus answered, 'It is written: Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" Matthew 4:4 (NIV)

Blessed is the one whose "delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law [she] meditates day and night. [she] is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever [she] does prospers." Psalm 1:2-3 (NIV)

Faith feeds on the Word of God. Our faith has no life apart from what we receive from the Word. I came to the realization that I needed to alter my diet. I needed to feed on something other than case law and legal memoranda.

God drew you to this devotional today. Ask Him why. Has the Lord pricked your heart? Does my story strike a chord with you? With all my heart, I encourage you to not ignore His Word to you today. 

Let's be like the blessed one in Psalm 1 who meditates on God's Word day and night. Will you commit with me today to memorize one scripture? To start, find a verse, maybe one from this devotional, and memorize it. You will be putting "faith food" into your heart and mind. Throughout the next few days, feed on that verse, speak that verse, and share that verse. 

Watch what God will do.

God will bless your obedience. Your obedience will bear fruit. You will prosper. Wait and watch and see! 

Dear Lord, today I feel weary, empty, and so very far away from You. Please come near, feed me with Your Word, revive my dying faith. Make me like the tree planted by streams of water, yielding fruit and prospering in all I do. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

Do You Know Him?

Visit Wendy's blog and share your memory verse with her. She would love to pray for you.

Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner: The Transforming Power of God's Story by Wendy Blight

All Things Wise and Wonderful: Applying God's Wisdom in Everyday Life (E-Book) by Wendy Blight

Proverbs 31 Ministries' offers many Bible studies! Shop online today for one that fits you.