Too Busy Doing 'Good' Things

I haven't written in a month. I was just thinking how funny it is that I think I feel farthest from God during the month when we are supposed to be celebrating Him most!

I've been too busy for Him! Too busy doing things to 'celebrate' his birth to spend any time quietly with Him. Way too busy creating a special gift for my Mom using the really cool talent God has given me.

I haven't had amazing inspiring things to share because I haven't been drawing near to him very often.
His word promises 'draw near to God and he'll draw near to you'. That promise is so awesome and true. When I draw near to Him daily, I am filled to overflowing. Even when my circumstances aren't perfect, I just have a peace and can really sense his love.

I'm doing 'fine,' I'm enjoying my week off, fun time with Gianna, but I am not filled with that warm, beautiful, deep peaceful feeling that can only come from Him! A love that surpasses all others. But just as in a relationship with a person, you have to seek time and presence and intimacy with that person.

Jeremiah 29:13 says 'You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'

Even the times this month when I was seeking Him, it wasn't with all of my heart. Too many things to check off in my head, I allowed myself to be distracted and used it as an excuse to quickly say my prayers and get back to things I really needed to do, thinking I'd be able to focus better 'later'.

Funny how I start to question things too. Like yesterday I was thinking who am I to think I can get up and casually 'have coffee' with God at my kitchen table? Sitting upright and drinking coffee and praying and reading my bible at my table? But I forget I've been doing that for years and it has been part of what transformed my heart and has drawn me closer to Him. I spend time on my knees too, but in the morning I fall asleep if I do that. And yesterday morning I did just that because I was questioning my 'casualness' with God. Woke up an hour later, hands and feet asleep, face plastered to the cold wood floor, because I was being all legalistic and thought I had to be on my knees, lol!

And interesting how before I started truly seeking God I had unpleasant dreams. Not even always nightmares, but I'd struggle in my sleep, be without peace. It was one of the first things I wrote in my first prayer journal. Please give me peace in my sleep. Well last night I was constantly on an exit ramp in my dream. Couldn't get off. It was a relief for Gianna to wake me up to come in our bed.

And another thing I can't really share details on, but there is something I have committed to doing that only came from God. It was something I felt called to do, especially when hearing Jesus words 'what good is it to love those who love you?' everyone does that, thats a given! And 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'


I started praying about it, being honest with God and saying I do NOT want to do this, but if you will make it easier for me and open a door, I will. But He had to help me. For months I prayed this daily and I just waited for God, I wasn't making any moves on my own because I needed to know it was His will. And he moved in an amazing way. And then I still struggled with making the commitment to do it, would let my mind run wild, but he eased my worries and replaced it with joy to serve him and bless others. For his word promises 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me' and 'The joy of the Lord is my strength.' : )

But being away from Him for a month, it makes me nervous. Like why I am doing that??? OMGsh I have to keep doing that!!!!!!!!

Because it is only by the power and hand of God that I am doing it!

I am not doing this thing out of the goodness of my own heart! It truly is the grace of God using me to be of good to someone else and show His love to them. And I am so glad to know that He is always there, and I will be drawing near again, and He will draw near and deep down and give me the strength and joy I need to be who He has called me to be!

Got my coffee and bible and gonna go light a candle and sit quietly with the Creator of the Universe now.

Have a great day!  : )