Something More

Something different is happening for me this year. It started out with my house. My whole life I have struggled with clutter. And the word 'clutter' is putting it really, really nicely.

I have always had areas I would be embarrassed of if anyone saw them. In this house it has been the basement and the upstairs. I'm talking they were like gigantic junk drawers. Stuff strewn and piled everywhere. 

A couple years ago I started to try and keep them organized, but they would quickly revert. I even kept the basement in shape for a few months. When I had first cleaned it I was laid off and a little unsure about my future. It felt so good the day I finished cleaning it after 2 weeks of laboring down there. 

I decided to pray down there that night, and I felt as if God said to me, I am going to do this with your life. Like all of the areas of my life that weren't right he would be putting in order just as clearly as that basement. I felt very hopeful and excited. But a few months later it began to look like jambalaya again. And every time I went down there it was like a taunting, yeah right, your life is gonna get put in order. Mmm hmmm. You can't even keep the basement clean.

It felt like a disease. It felt beyond my control.

But this year, something was just different. I began to truly pray about it, and I thought, is there more to this? Is this some weird battle against some unseen force? Cause I just. can't. seem. to. overcome it. Seriously.

I did a Beth Moore bible study called Breaking Free, and it fit right in with the way I was feeling. About the clutter. My body. My lack of motivation.

It was all about strongholds. That even though we may be Christians, there are areas of our lives that we have not claimed victory over. That we let the enemy tie us down, keep us defeated, keep us from living the full lives God has created us for. And it was all about how to break free from these strongholds. And was very encouraging!

About the same time I ended up working out one day with Jill, a girl I have worked with for like 10 years but we've never really talked much. She ended up being a great motivator and for the first time in my life I have stuck with exercising for more than 2 weeks! 5 months actually, and I have lost 14 lbs! Slowly and just eating lighter, no calorie counting or crazy diets.

2 months ago my sister was asked to lead a bible study called When Wallflowers Dance. It was her first time leading so I joined her group to be supportive, but it wasn't the one I thought I wanted to do. I don't feel like I'm a wallflower. But I was positive and thought, I'm sure God has us here for a reason.

And it was so perfect! For my sister and myself. For such different reasons too. So many times during the video portion we'd be blown away by the way it would speak directly to us. One of the first sessions she talked about one of the first things we need to do in becoming a confident woman of God is to get our house, and our physical bodies in order. Exactly what I am working on right now.

And for encouragement for a couple of the wonderful ladies in my study I made them pretty designed bible verses with their names in them, as if God were speaking directly to them. (He is always speaking directly to us! But I literally put their names in the verse.) They were so touched and amazed by it and telling me I needed to do this and sell them. And that they wanted to buy more for gifts. As I have my whole life, I blew it off and thought yeah right in my head.

Then a few days later talking to Jill about being a Mom and working and wishing I could be at home, she was really encouraging and we discussed something I've considered I could create that are not really available now and most people would want them. And for the first time it seemed to make sense. And she came up with one other idea. And then the bible verse thing started to sound really feasible too. I opened an Etsy shop! Nothing in it, but there will be sometime soon.

And recently I had the childrens book illustration/cover being published. And a friend sent me a great link to the society of children's book writers and illustrators and said it is a great resource and networking tool. I am so excited that when I join I'll have an actual published piece to post on my page!

I have to start taking steps. I can't quit my job obviously. And it is hard to do things on the side with full time work and kids. But there is SOME time available. And in those hours I need to be taking steps toward the things God has gifted me with. Creations that will bless others and myself and help me to exercise the talents God has gifted me with instead of hiding them in the ground.

I am working on my 4th or 5th painting now, and it is so cool. And so many times I go to work on it and it just doesn't work and what I'm working on will look terrible. And I get face down on the ground and pray to God to give me what I need, to guide my hands, I acknowledge that he is greater than the greatest artist or teacher and he is all I need. And things fall right perfectly into place when I get back up.

I am excited to build my portfolio of paintings. So excited that about a year ago my coworker Rudy gave me a few painting lessons that kickstarted me and showed me I CAN! Jill asked me if I would paint a picture for her dining room. My initial thought was oh I can't do that, but you know what, I can!

I will always give Him all the glory. People might get sick of me talking about God, but nothing goes well for me without Him. He is showing me that I truly can do all things, through Him!

I have always had the belief that I couldn't do more. That I was blessed to have a good job, and that was about as far as it would go. There is too much competition in the world and nobody's gonna notice whatever I do on my own so why waste the time trying. My Mom and sister have always been telling me for years to try and do something with my talents, besides graphic design, and I have always blown it off.

But if I don't try, I can guarantee nothing good will come of it. But I believe, that if I keep taking steps forward, even if small, and if I give the glory to God, and consistently seek his hand in my life, you and I are going to see amazing things happen. In his timing. Not overnight. But if I am doing my part, He is going to do his. And his purpose for my life is going to be fulfilled. And I know it will be good.

My friend Rebekah sent me Psalm 57:2 last night: I cry out to God Most High, 

       to God, who fulfills his purpose for me.

Somedays Jill and I screw up on our diets and don't exercise. But we just get back on the wagon the next day. Somedays my house gets really messy. But there isn't a room anymore that couldn't be tidied up and presentable in 15 minutes.

On the last day of my bible study the other day, printed in huge print in my book was this:

The wallflower, who never thought it possible, can be filled to the fullness by the amazing presence and power of the Holy Spirit. That fullness brings a righteous confidence and that's when wallflowers begin to dance.

I look to the future expectantly. And plan to just keep getting back on that wagon when I fall off. No more staying down. This girl is getting up! And dancing all the way.

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