Comforted

My dad died when I was 21. He lived up north near Cheboygan, and my Mom, brothers, sister and I spent about a week up there before his funeral making arrangements, going through stuff, etc.

Whenever we would go up to visit him I would almost always get up to watch the sunrise over Lake Huron. Even though I was nowhere near trying to walk with the Lord in those days, I still believed. And the closest I'd ever come to truly feeling God's presence was in those glorious sunrises over the massive, perfect expanse of his creation.

So one of those mornings I woke up just before dawn as usual. Normally when I would get up, even when it was still dark, my dad would be sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading. He never seemed to sleep very well. 

But this time he wasn't there. I just stood there for a minute, staring at his absence. All the stuff was there on the table in the dim light of the stove. Newspaper, ashtray, goofy old west magazines, but no Dad. It was so painful, so final. And all I could think was where is he???

My Dad struggled on this earth. He was an alcoholic. I'm pretty sure he suffered from depression. And his last years had not been good, he had chosen to go up there and live all alone. He always loved it up there. I think he thought it was gonna finally bring him peace and happiness. To live up north! I think we all have had that dream. That perfect place, if we just didn't have to work, and if we could just live there, well that would be just perfect, right? Well in the end it was his undoing.

And I could not stand the thought of my father being anywhere but at peace. He had already had such a lack of it here. I grabbed a blanket and ran down to the beach in tears.

I laid there in the sand and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I cried out to God to please let me know that my Dad was with Him and at peace because I could not stand the thought of anything else. Since I was little I have believed that Jesus died for our sins. Unfortunately I don't think I gave it much thought, truly appreciated it or tried to walk in his ways, but I believed it. And I did not know if my Dad did. His life didn't show much evidence of it. But hey, neither did mine at the time!

So as I'm laying there crying, the sun starts to come up. And it was the most magnificent display I have ever seen and have yet to see again. All to the left the sky was purples and blues and all to the right oranges and pinks. There were poofy clouds all over the place and imagine if a giant stood up and bumped his head into them, that's what they looked like, kinda like upside down bowls.

The treeline all down the coast looked like it was glowing, so bright green, and behind me there was a storm coming, thunder rolling in the distance, which I love. I kept turning around to peek at that too. The clouds rolling toward me looking so dark in contrast to the brightness of the sunrise. And then it started to sprinkle, and there was a rainbow! I put the blanket over my head and sat there peeking out from under it, this way and that, a big smile on my face, completely surrounded by beauty and wonder and peace. 

I couldn't believe that God did this for me, little old me, the one little speck on the beach for as far as i could see.

I recently heard someone say 'even when you're not walking with God, he's walking with you'. I know he was there with me that morning, thats for sure.

So I sat there just soaking it in for a while, then I jumped up, ran the gravel road back to the house as fast as I could and barged through the door out of breath saying 'Dad's in Heaven! Dad's in Heaven!' I can't remember who was up, but understandably I think they thought I was a little nuts. (I am still trying to learn to this day to not let other people's lack of enthusiasm deflate mine. When someone else hasn't had the same experience, it is understandable they're not always going to share in your joy and excitement.)

There are two tire tracks running up the mini sand dune at the end of the road (they are still there to this day cause I dig them out every few years). The people who lived down the street said everyday my dad would drive his truck down there and just sit, looking out over the lake. He must have done a lot of thinking out there. I hope that he saw the same thing in that lake that I do. God's amazing creation. 

My hope is that in those final moments God was working through the thousand prayers I'm sure my Grandma must have said for her son. And I'm sure my mom must have said too. I hope He was getting to know God, getting ready to go Home.

I can remember what it feels like so clearly to hug my dad. He was big and burly, a coarse beard that drove my mom nuts, always wearing a couple layers of flannels and he had an eye patch and wore a black felt hat. Occasionally he even smoked a pipe, haha. He was such a character. I miss him so much in this very moment. 

And I am so hopeful that I am going to get to hug him again someday. : )




Psalm 116:8-9
For you O Lord have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling that I may walk before the Lord
in the land of the living..

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Jeremiah 31:13
Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow

Isaiah 49:13
Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.