LOVE

I am so excited to even have this story to tell. I'm actually writing it at night for the first time instead of at 5 am!

If you read my post from yesterday, you'll see that last week I wasn't feeling very connected to God.

On Saturday night I read Psalm 139, and was very touched by it, especially verses 7 - 10, the whole thing really spoke to God's love for us and how he is always there with us, how well he knows us because he created us.

And I wrote yesterday of how I prayed on Sunday night among other things, for him to turn my heart back toward the gospels and Jesus because my focus had not been there, i have just been wanting to read the psalms and the old testament for some reason.

Part of that prayer was to feel Jesus' love like I had in Israel. Especially in Chorazin. We had a lesson there in the ruins of a synagogue where Jesus would have preached. Our guide was telling the story of how Jewish tradition during Jesus time was for a man to make a covenant with a woman before they were married. He would give her a glass of wine and say 'this is the covenant....' and he would promise to go to his families home to prepare a room for them before coming back for her. They would add on to the families house. And her accepting and drinking the glass of wine represented the acceptance of the covenant, a promise that she would be faithful to him and wait for him to return for her.

I can't remember all the words, but the point was that what transpired was very similar to what Jesus said to his disciples during the last supper before he was crucified.

1 Corinthians 11:24-26 

²⁴and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, "This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me." ²⁵In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me."

And:

John 14 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. ³And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

So our guide (who was also a pastor) was telling us how clearly the disciples would have understood the connection. And as he told this story all I can say is I just felt love more than I ever have in my life. I was sitting on the ground against a column and I can still see the dark rocks through flowing tears as I had put my head down to hide my face in my knees.

In that moment I felt just how much our God loves us. And it was so sad to me to think how we are always searching and longing for this love, often in places we shouldn't. Many times in adulterous affairs. We all desire that extreme love and fulfillment. Usually we try to fill that emptiness and longing inside of us with everything but God and end up hurting ourselves and others. 

This is a photo I took of the spot: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=800241&id=758804443

So on Sunday night I prayed to feel that kind of love again.

And as I said previously that night after I prayed I came across my Praying the Names of Jesus book. I love that book and haven't thought of it in a long time. And that first chapter referenced Psalm 139 I had been drawn to the day before.

And now tonight I went to church and it was absolutely awesome. It was all about forgiveness and God's love for us. 

A man told a story of a girl who had run away from home, ended up a prostitute on the streets of detroit, and then later took a bus home to Traverse City, fearing her parents wouldn't accept her. But they and other family members were waiting with open arms.

As he told that story it struck me how much God loves us. If we as parents love our children so much and would forgive them just about anything, how much more does our Father in heaven love us? He created us! 

It was not the same as Chorazin, but the tears flowed and I felt very very loved and grateful.

And then after communion we celebrated the amazing grace and forgiveness and salvation we have in Christ. I was in my socks cause my shoes hurt, and the music was fast and alive and I felt like I was at a wedding dancing around in my socks.

So I thought the night was an answer to prayer and my tank was full. As I was leaving I went to check the mailbox to see if I had a letter from my penpal. 

I didn't, but I had something else so precious its unbelievable to me. 

It's a white pearl bracelet with white beads spelling the words 'Be Still, Let God' on it.

My friend Karen now makes them and gives them out to people. The very first one she had made for herself and ended up giving to me on our way home from Israel. 

This is in her words, as I found in the mailbox with my replacement bracelet tonight at church:

"I was blessed to travel to Israel and before coming home a friend was consumed with worry and fear about boarding the plane. She asked that we sing worship songs to calm her down. I warned her that was not my gifting but she asked me to sing with her anyway. I sound like a cat with its tail trapped in a door so my singing did not provide the calm she so needed. We had our son back and he was with us (part of why she had made the bracelet for herself) so I gave her my bracelet and told her of how it reminded me of God's Word and how He was in control. It calmed her and provided her a way to comfort her sister-in-law with God's word and the bracelet when her father-in-law had taken his life a week later..."

I had given the bracelet to Jason's sister one morning after their Dad had committed suicide. I told Karen I had passed the bracelet on and she was going to make me another. I think she did a long time ago but I never knew where the mailroom was back then and never ended up getting it. 

But I got it tonight! It was in a pretty little envelope tied with a gold bow, along with some pretty scripture cards, one of them being Psalm 139, another being Phillipians 4:6-7, the 2 verses I mentioned in my blog yesterday, before I had received this special little package tonight.

I prayed for our God to let me feel his love as I had in Israel and he has answered it so faithfully. And quickly! The most outrageously and specifically being this bracelet that had comforted me in Israel 2 and a half years ago. 

And there is one little thing she added to it. A little red heart. A bracelet all white with now a little red heart.

Love love love love. LOVE. 

♥!