Gaps

A little over a month ago I was flipping around stations on the tv and I stopped on Rocky. I have never actually watched the movie, but of course I know the story, know that there also was a love story involved between Rocky and Adrian.

I only watched like 5 minutes of it. It was the part when that guy said to Rocky he didn't see what he saw in his sister. It caught my attention. Cause I thought what a mean/funny thing for a brother to say about his sister.

Then, when Rocky answered that she filled gaps, I thought it was an interesting and unexpected answer. The guys like what do you mean gaps? And Rocky's like I don't know, she's got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill the gaps. 

After that I kept clicking through the channels. 

2 days later, I look at one of my daily email devotionals, and this was it:

January 15th - Filling the Gaps.

Genesis 2:18 - It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.

God created Adam in a state of isolation in the garden; he had no human counterpart. So God fashioned a woman to meet his need for intimacy. In the original text, the Hebrew word for "suitable helper" means "one matching him". 

Adam needed someone who could complement him because he was inadequate by himself. And this illustrates a third purpose of marriage: to complete one another.

Perhaps you saw the original "Rocky" film before Sylvester Stallone started spinning off sequels left and right. Do you remember the love relationship Rocky had with Adrian in "Rocky"? She was the little wallflower who worked in the pet shop, the sister of Pauly, an insensitive goon who worked at the meat house and wanted to become a collector of debts for a loan shark.

Pauly couldn't understand why Rocky was attracted to Adrian. "I don't see it," he said. "What's the attraction?"

Do you remember Rocky's answer? I doubt that the scriptwriters had any idea what they were saying, but they perfectly exemplified the principle for a suitable helper from Genesis 2. 

Rocky said, "I don't know, fills gaps I guess."

"What gaps?"

"She's got gaps, I got gaps. Together we fill the gaps."

In his simple but profound way, Rocky hit upon a great truth. He was saying that he and Adrian each had empty places in their lives. But when the two of them got together, they filled those blank spots in one another. And thats exactly what God did when he fasioned a helpmate suitable for Adam. She filled his empty places, and he filled hers. Have you given much thought to the gaps you fill in your mate's life, and vice versa? There's never been any doubt in my mind that I need my wife Barbara, that she fill my "gaps". I need her because she tells me the truth about myself, both the good, the bad and otherwise. I need her to add a different perspective to relationships and people. She also adds variety and spice to my life.

Prayer: That God would give you a thankful heart for these differences.

Discuss: What gaps do you fill in each others life?

Can you believe that? This movie's like 30 years old, I watch one scene, and get this 2 days later. Thats gotta be like the chances of winning the lotto or the Lion's winning the superbowl. Guess I should pay attention to this message!

Amnesia

Its funny how quickly we forget. 

Funny how many times I pray for something, my prayer is answered in the way I requested, and I don't even think about it or say thank you until a later date!!!!!

Lately I have been a little less passionate in my faith and I know it is because I am beginning to forget how I got here in the first place. I'm starting to think I was this girl all along. Forgetting where I came from!

Forgetting when I had no peace in my soul and cried each day on the way to work cause I couldn't hold it together anymore. Forgetting that each night I awoke half way through with a fear and a dread in the pit of my stomach.

Forgetting that life felt so pain-filled and difficult.

Forgetting the joy and the gratitude I felt when I was set free from those things and shown that God is real and he is my help and my salvation and my peace and my everything!

I couldn't shut up about it cause it was so fresh. Like someone had just saved me from drowning in a raging river. And He had.

Last night I was leafing around in my journal from back in my 'newly in-love' days, in the beginning of my new-found strong faith.

Looking at all the prayers answered. The biggest of all, before even my bad times really started, I was praying for God to lead Jason and I to more fulfilling lives! Boy did he ever! 

How about I prayed that God would bless us with beautiful healthy babies AND I prayed that God would provide a way for us to not have to drop them at daycare! And our family all offered to watch her, we would have never asked.

Or "I believe that the Lord is going to bless me with peaceful sleep. I believe he's going to surround me with his angels and chase away any negative infulences that have caused me to struggle in my sleep". Gone! 

And this one, which took awhile, but just came to pass - "Please help me to conquer my tendency to be unorganized and messy. Please fill me with a spirit of cleanliness and order. PLEASE help me overcome the physical chaos in my life. I cannot do it without your grace and your help".

I had tried sooo many times.

And then bigger stuff, like please let our friend survive and fully recover from a deeply embedded brain tumor.

Please let my husband survive cancer so my family can remain intact!!!

Or how about please reveal yourself to my siblings. Its so crazy that my brother's kids, including teenagers, are all of a sudden all involved in youth group and the whole family involved in church! Where the heck did that come from?!!!! 

I know that our prayers aren't always answered in the way we would like. But a lot of times, even when they are, how quickly we forget!

I'm going to share a journal entry from May 22nd 2007:

Today was beautiful. In the morning we went down to the shore where Jesus called out to Simon and Peter where they were fishing. There is a little waterfall shooting out onto the beach.

Then we went to Capernaum, where they have the remains of Peter's house, where Jesus also lived. And the synagogue, where Jesus shockingly preached that He is the bread of life.

Then we went to the Mount of Beatitudes where Jesus preached the Beatitudes to 5,000 people. (you can read them here )

Then we went somewhere that changed me forever I know. The remains of a synagogue in Chorazin where Jesus preached. And Bill told the story of how Jewish men would become betrothed to their wives. Before they were married, they would sit with the woman and give her a glass of wine, saying "This is the covenant of my blood..." If the woman poured it out, she rejected him. But if she drank it, she was entering into a covenant, a promise with him, that she is pledged to him, and he will prepare a place for them in his families home, and when the place is ready for her, he will come back and get her.

So when Jesus presented the wine to the disciples and said "This is the covenant of my blood..." they knew he was saying this is a promise that he loves us and is pledged to us and he is going to prepare a place for us and he will be back for us.

You probably had to be there. Or you probably had to be me, but there was so much more said and it was maybe the most profound moment in my life. 

I was one of the last to come in, so I got a seat more by myself, more toward the center. I was sitting on the ground leaning my back against a column. All of the stones were a dark charcoalish color, and the ground was gravel of the same color. It was nice to be sitting more by myself because I was so overcome and I really cried. I just put my face in my knees and cried. I can still see the dark splotches falling onto the rocks through blurry eyes.

I felt SOOOOOO loved. I have never before or since felt such strong and tangible feeling of love as I did in that moment.

So cared for. So secure. So much more than had I even just been married. 

Jesus Christ. The beautiful, gorgeous, all-powerful and MIGHTY Messiah. Loves me. And I felt it. (And he loves you)

After we prayed, I weepily shared with the group how sad it is that there is so much adultery. People are looking for that 'in-love' feeling.

I left a space to continue writing, but never got around to it. I was just going to say that people are looking for that high. That in-love feeling we all know and love and is better than anything. And we seek it sometimes in ways that hurt us and hurt others and lead to nothing but brokenness and broken hearts and broken families and broken lives.

And all along there is our God, our Creator, who loves us more perfectly than anyone down here ever will. Who can fill our hearts to the brim with satisfaction, can fill our holes and wants and needs.

But we often keep looking in the wrong places!!!

I remember that night sitting on my bed in our hotel room in Jerusalem. Jesus seemed so real to me. Like I had just been with him. Like I wanted to run back and give him a hug. Like if you had just left the airport from seeing someone you realllly loved and the feeling of wanting to just see them for one more minute and embrace them.

It brought tears to my eyes, but my sister reminded me that he is in my heart. He is with me always. He is in the precious words that I read each day, that fill me with hope and encouragement and PEACE.

Peace, which I so greatly used to lack, but now so greatly possess.  (Which I'm starting to forget!)

He is there to hear my thoughts, my prayers, my whispers, my cries, any time of day or night. And I know that he does because He always answers. Sometimes in subtle ways. Sometimes in outrageously amazing ways.

In the old testament, when God would do something great in someone's lives, they would often build a monument where it happened. So they wouldn't forget. Because they often did and we often do.

Just writing this blog has been huge for me this morning. I can't wait to get down on my knees and pray and read what God has for me this morning is his precious word.

And I think I am going to paint a monument. A monument to the great miracle God has done in my life. Not sure exactly what thats going to look like, but I'm sure he'll guide me!

Here is a link to the albums of my Israel trip, and a bigger photo of my special place  : )

Album 1

and

Album 2

Shock and Awe

Most of my day today was pretty bad, at least it felt like it was anyway.

Jason and I have always gotten pretty hefty tax returns and greatly looked forward to them. They've been pretty good every year since we've been married and seemed to get a little bigger each year.

But last night Jason did our taxes and came upstairs with horrendous news. Our return is less than 25% of what it was last year. And if we hadn't given more to charity this year than last, we would have actually owed the govt money. 

We were shocked. We are going to go see an accountant next week to see if somethings wrong, but we kinda doubt it. Jason has been doing our taxes the same way every year. 

I cried a lot this morning. We went from anticipating a big step forward financially, to taking 5 steps back and actually being more in debt. We will not be able to pay off all the stuff we've purchased recently.  And its not stuff we can take back now. And we definitely won't be paying off a credit card like we were planning.

It is a big lesson learned. I will never again spend money before I have it, even if I am sure I will be getting it. There was no doubt in my mind we'd be getting this money because we always have and we didn't do anything different! Something changed somewhere though, thats for sure!

So I was really upset. I'll be honest and share that I was so tempted to want to be a little mad at God, because we have been faithful and generous with what he gives us, so it was almost a feeling of how could you let this happen to us. How horrible is that! I was fighting the thought, but it was there in the back of my mind I will admit, even though I knew it was wrong.

(And I know too that my problem is so insignificant compared to others. Such as the people of Haiti. In light of what they are living through, my problems seem ridiculous. But they are still real and frustrating and disappointing to me.)

I got an encouraging message from my friend Lori on Facebook that made me feel a little better, and I took some time and worked on my bible study that helped too and was kinda relevant to what I was feeling.

But I really felt better when Jason went out and got Gianna a little plastic sled. We suited up and went out wandering in the snow. Gianna loved it and it was so beautiful. 2 of my absolute favorites in nature are watching the sun come up and walking in a snow storm. In those moments more than any other I am in awe and feel like I can sense God's majestic and peaceful presence. 

And as we walked I realized the precious gifts that I have. Especially my husband who had cancer and is now healthy, and my sweet little healthy baby girl. And the beauty surrounding me in an absolutely precious perfect moment. I said a prayer aloud for all of us as we strolled along.

It was like a hug from my father in heaven after a long bad day.

God is good. Even when my tax return sucks, God is still Good! Um, yeah. Duh.

I love him, and I am so thankful for his peace.

We cannot change the past, but God can help us look to the future with a different perspective and with hope that we can do ALL things with his help.

Nothing is too big for Him. And nothing is too big for us when we rest assured that He will get us through our trials.

Psalm 118:7
The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.

(And my enemy in this case is the bondage we are in to our debts. A history of bad decisions and bad choices have left us slaves to our lenders. But we will triumph over them and their high interest rates! We are on our way. : )

A little cup of love.

My sistah told me a really touching story yesterday. I might not have every small detail correct, but you'll get the gist of it.

She is a mentor in our MOPS group at church (Mothers of Preschool Children). She said they had a christmas tea in December and everyone brought a pretty tea cup. They used it for the tea and then afterward you washed your cup and filled it with little goodies and tied it up with a bible verse to give as a gift to someone.

Earlier this week one woman shared the story of what happened with her cup. She knew who she wanted to give hers to the day they had the tea. A cousin of hers had recently lost her husband and was having a hard time. She said he was the sweetest man. The type that was always doing thoughtful little things for her. Like taking note when she would comment on something in a store and then buy it later for a gift.

Her cousin lived out of state and was going to be in town for a day or two at a relatives house, but if I remember correctly I think they were going to miss each other. So the woman left the cup on the bed of the room she would be staying in.

After her cousin found the cup she called her up crying. She said once when her and her husband were on vacation she had commented on a pretty coffee cup while out shopping. He had gone back and gotten it for her and later gave it to her as a gift. But along the way the cup had been broken and discarded.

But the cup with the verse she left on the bed was that exact same cup! She said she treasured it and was afraid she wouldn't be able to get it all the way home in one piece.

How cool is that? Of all the coffee cups in the world. 

To me that is a great example of how God loves us and knows and cares for the biggest and the littlest details of our lives. And knows how to comfort us better than any other.

Isaiah 49:16 

 ¹⁶ See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; 
       your walls are ever before me.

Psalm 94:18-19 

 ¹⁸ When I said, "My foot is slipping," 
       your love, O LORD, supported me.

 ¹⁹ When anxiety was great within me, 
       your consolation brought joy to my soul.

Poker and Prayer ; )

This morning I was laying in bed thinking of something that happened a few years ago and how God did answer my prayer when I felt like he didn't.

The first year Jason started having poker tournaments at the house it made me kind of nervous. Just a lot of people, some of them drinking, in our basement until the wee hours of the morning yelling and hooting and hollering.

We were the new people in a quiet little neighborhood and I was always afraid someone was gonna get out of hand or there was going to be a fight or something.

One night about a half hour before everyone started to show up, Jason was out doing last minute errands, and I got on my knees and said a prayer. I can't remember everything I said, but I do remember asking God to be present in my home and for the people visiting to feel his presence and his peace.

About 1 in the morning, my friend Anita and another girl and I were upstairs chatting, and we heard a round of gunshots go off outside. 4 or 5 shots real fast. We just kinda stared at each other in horror for a moment and then I got up to run downstairs and get Jason. The moment I got to the landing, the person who fired the shots came through the back door and we stood face to face. I said 'what are you doing???!!!' and he turned around went out the door and left.

Chaos ensued over the next hour or two. I was completely flipping out. Kept waiting for the cops to show up. Completely mortified at what my neighbors were thinking. We did figure out he had shot them up into the air.

One of the most unpleasant things I've had to do is going door to door the next morning and apologizing to our neighbors, some of whom were pretty upset.

And without going into details, a lot of stressful times and worry followed that night. 

And I have to admit I kinda was like, what is this some kind of joke? After I prayed that prayer, that horrible night ensued. Where was God's presence or peace in all that?

But this morning I was laying thinking about it all and had to smile.

First of all, I think of how we collided at that same second on the landing and he left. 

If he had went into the crowded basement, who knows what could have happened. He wouldn't have been met with friendly smiles, I'm sure things would not have gone well with my husband, and we know this person was already in a pretty reckless, unstable mood and armed.

So right there, God maintained peace and possibly more in my home.

Then I think of how after that we never played poker with the same group of people. Not that I didn't like those people, but it was a little more of a rambunctious crowd. Since then Jason has hooked up with people who are all into the strategy of the game. Its like a sport for them. A lot of them are dads and they don't drink and they are super quiet. And super nice. They don't even wake Gianna up. Its almost like they're down there playing chess!!!!! And some of them are Christians!

And after that night I never played poker again.  I never really enjoyed it that much anyway and I guess that just really turned me sour. Too long of a game and I don't like it. I feel sorry for people when I take all their chips and could never bluff. 

So now its just kinda fun having people over and on their break Gianna and I hang out with them and eat pizza.

And also after that happened I really believe God put it on my heart to pray for that person. I had no animosity but truly spent a lot of time in prayer for him for some time after it happened. I also sent him an email and shared with him the story of how God had come into my life and totally changed me. I have no idea if there has been any effect on his life as a result, but God's thoughts are above our thoughts and his timing is not ours, so who knows if he was using my prayers and my story for some greater purpose down the road in his life.

So sorry for doubting you God! Sometimes we can't see the great ways in which you are working. Especially in the midst of unpleasant circumstances.

You are Good. All the time. All the time, You are Good.  : )

Isaiah 55:8-9 

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
       neither are your ways my ways," 
       declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, 
       so are my ways higher than your ways 
       and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Psalm 4:1
Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

Elliot from Mt. Pleasant

I have never thought of Jesus this way. VERY interesting. Its an excerpt from a Max Lucado book.

Week of January 15

Looking for the Messiah, Part 1 
by Max Lucado

SUPPOSE JESUS CAME to your church. I don't mean symbolically. I mean visibly. Physically. Actually. Suppose he came to your church.

Would you recognize him? It might be difficult. Jesus didn't wear religious clothes in his day. Doubtful that he would wear them in ours. If he came today to your church, he'd wear regular clothes. Nothing fancy, just a jacket and shoes and a tie. Maybe a tie ... maybe not.

He would have a common name. "Jesus" was common. I suppose he might go by Joe or Bob or Terry or Elliot.

Elliot ... I like that. Suppose Elliot, the Son of God, came to your church.

Of course, he wouldn't be from Nazareth or Israel. He'd hail from some small spot down the road like Hollow Point or Chester City or Mt. Pleasant.

And he'd be a laborer. He was a carpenter in his day. No reason to think he'd change, but let's say he did. Let's say that this time around he was a plumber. Elliot, the plumber from Mt. Pleasant.

God, a plumber?

Rumor has it that he fed a football field full of people near the lake. Others say he healed a senator's son from Biloxi. Some say he's the Son of God. Others say he's the joke of the year. You don't know what to think.

And then, one Sunday, he shows up.

About midway through the service he appears in the back of the auditorium and takes a seat. After a few songs he moves closer to the front. After yet another song he steps up on the platform and announces, "You are singing about me. I am the Son of God." He holds a Communion tray. "This bread is my body. This wine is my blood. When you celebrate this, you celebrate me!"

What would you think?

Would you be offended? The audacity of it all. How irreverent, a guy named Elliot as the Son of God!

Would you be interested? Wait a minute, how could he be the Son of God? He never went to seminary, never studied at a college. But there is something about him ...

Would you believe? I can't deny it's crazy. But I can't deny what he has done.

It's easy to criticize contemporaries of Jesus for not believing in him. But when you realize how he came, you can understand their skepticism.

Jesus didn't fit their concept of a Messiah. Wrong background. Wrong pedigree. Wrong hometown. No Messiah would come from Nazareth. Small, hick, one-stoplight town. He didn't fit the Jews' notion of a Messiah, and so, rather than change their notion, they dismissed him.

He came as one of them. He was Jesus from Nazareth. Elliot from Mt. Pleasant. He fed the masses with calloused hands. He raised the dead wearing bib overalls and a John Deere Tractor cap.

They expected lights and kings and chariots from heaven. What they got was sandals and sermons and a Galilean accent.

And so, some missed him.

And so, some miss him still.

From A Gentle Thunder
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1987) Max Lucado

I'm still here! : )

The last month and a half of not feeling completely connected to God have been kind of good for me. Humbling.

They make me think I may have had a touch of spiritual pride. Not in that I think I'm better than you, but in thinking it was all me in that I got up at 5 am to read my bible and treasured reading it more than watching a good movie. And naturally spending lots of time in prayer and devotion. So its as easy as you do the same and you can feel the same way, right?!

I have gone through a period where these things did not come as naturally to me. Where I had to make myself read my bible before bed, usually falling asleep. And I wasn't getting up early enough to spend time with God before work. I'd rather hit the snooze button.

My former pastor once said, and I wrote it in my bible, 'the more you feed the flesh, the stronger it becomes, the more you feed the spirit, the stronger it becomes'.

Though I still have my faith, still trust in God, I have not really been feeding my spirit. Haven't been filling my tank. And as a result, have not been feeling very 'spiritual' or getting much joy out of spiritual things.

It made me realize and sympathize with how hard this whole faith thing must be for people who don't have the strongest faith, or who are seeking God but not all the way there yet. Made me realize I should never judge them in even the slightest way, but to sympathize with them and pray for them.

I was looking back at my days when I got sincere pleasure out of these things and missing them. Realizing what a gift from God they were.  Though faith is not all about feelings, clearly feeling the presence of God in your daily life is the best thing ever. Better than Starbucks or The Office or a vacation day. And its always available and right there. And I wanted it back!

And I feel like I know the day when I really started to swing back in that glorious direction.

My sister and I had gathered with friends specifically to pray for her marriage. Our faith-filled friends Michelle and her mom Barb share a Victorian farmhouse that is so charming and warm and inviting. We sat around the wood table in the cozy dining room drinking coffee, reading scripture, chatting and praying for 2 or 3 hours. I look back at it preciously and it seems like a scene from a movie. 

We prayed for things for each of us, and for starting the new year out right. We prayed for my renewed sense of love and delight for God and his word and spending time with him.

Also that night they were talking about the Chronicles of Narnia books and how the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is a fantasy version of the story of Jesus. I didn't know this! The author C.S. Lewis was a Christian apologist.

So she gave me the book to borrow and I really enjoyed reading it the next few days. I haven't read a fiction book in at least 2 years. I used to read them all the time. I spent a lot of Friday and Saturday night reading it.

The story is set in a forest with all kinds of mythological creatures and the book has little woodcut-like black and white illustrations here and there throughout. Its the epitomy of a 'fairytale'.

So Sunday morning I walk into church and I couldn't believe what my eyes saw. It was the first day of a new series called More than Fable. Its all about the parables of Jesus and why they are more than just 'stories'.

The large screen in the center of the stage was made to look like a large, old open book, with fairy-tale like writing and an illustration just like the style of the ones in the book I'm reading. And all behind is a set to look like a forest. And on the note sheet there was even a picture of a little fairy. It looks exactly like the feel of that book I was reading! I felt like I walked right into what my mind had been wrapped around the night before.

To me it was confirmation that I am on the right track. Confirmation that God hears me and is there and knows whats going on in my life.

And each of us since have received some pretty amazing confirmation on the things we prayed for.

And ever since that night of praying with my precious ladies I have truly enjoyed my time spent with God. I have just felt a change. And as of yesterday, starting next week I'll be in an awesome Beth Moore bible study with Michelle. I am so inspired by Beth Moore and by Michelle, and I know there will be a lot of growing there!  

I am looking forward to good things ahead and good things share.

See you soon. Happy New Year!  ; )