Shock and Awe

Most of my day today was pretty bad, at least it felt like it was anyway.

Jason and I have always gotten pretty hefty tax returns and greatly looked forward to them. They've been pretty good every year since we've been married and seemed to get a little bigger each year.

But last night Jason did our taxes and came upstairs with horrendous news. Our return is less than 25% of what it was last year. And if we hadn't given more to charity this year than last, we would have actually owed the govt money. 

We were shocked. We are going to go see an accountant next week to see if somethings wrong, but we kinda doubt it. Jason has been doing our taxes the same way every year. 

I cried a lot this morning. We went from anticipating a big step forward financially, to taking 5 steps back and actually being more in debt. We will not be able to pay off all the stuff we've purchased recently.  And its not stuff we can take back now. And we definitely won't be paying off a credit card like we were planning.

It is a big lesson learned. I will never again spend money before I have it, even if I am sure I will be getting it. There was no doubt in my mind we'd be getting this money because we always have and we didn't do anything different! Something changed somewhere though, thats for sure!

So I was really upset. I'll be honest and share that I was so tempted to want to be a little mad at God, because we have been faithful and generous with what he gives us, so it was almost a feeling of how could you let this happen to us. How horrible is that! I was fighting the thought, but it was there in the back of my mind I will admit, even though I knew it was wrong.

(And I know too that my problem is so insignificant compared to others. Such as the people of Haiti. In light of what they are living through, my problems seem ridiculous. But they are still real and frustrating and disappointing to me.)

I got an encouraging message from my friend Lori on Facebook that made me feel a little better, and I took some time and worked on my bible study that helped too and was kinda relevant to what I was feeling.

But I really felt better when Jason went out and got Gianna a little plastic sled. We suited up and went out wandering in the snow. Gianna loved it and it was so beautiful. 2 of my absolute favorites in nature are watching the sun come up and walking in a snow storm. In those moments more than any other I am in awe and feel like I can sense God's majestic and peaceful presence. 

And as we walked I realized the precious gifts that I have. Especially my husband who had cancer and is now healthy, and my sweet little healthy baby girl. And the beauty surrounding me in an absolutely precious perfect moment. I said a prayer aloud for all of us as we strolled along.

It was like a hug from my father in heaven after a long bad day.

God is good. Even when my tax return sucks, God is still Good! Um, yeah. Duh.

I love him, and I am so thankful for his peace.

We cannot change the past, but God can help us look to the future with a different perspective and with hope that we can do ALL things with his help.

Nothing is too big for Him. And nothing is too big for us when we rest assured that He will get us through our trials.

Psalm 118:7
The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.

(And my enemy in this case is the bondage we are in to our debts. A history of bad decisions and bad choices have left us slaves to our lenders. But we will triumph over them and their high interest rates! We are on our way. : )