In Awe

This past weekend up north I had the most perfect 4 hours. I keep thinking of them and want to write them down, even though I'm not sure I can really convey it.


Gianna woke up about a quarter to 5 and I gave her some milk and she went back to sleep. I could see through the trees that the horizon across Lake Huron was just beginning to be tinged with orange, the sunrise on its way. I was a little nervous that it was still pretty dark out, but I grabbed a hoodie and my bible and walked the short walk to the end of our tree-lined gravel road and out onto the beach.


As I stood at the waters edge and looked around it took my breath away. It was just so beautiful. In front of me the sky was beginning to lighten and be filled with color, but above and behind me was still a deep dark blue and the moon and I am assuming a planet next to it were glowing SO bright. Even though they don't come close, the pics I've attached are from this exact moment.


And the air around me just felt so calm and peaceful. And enormous. Quiet, beautiful solitude. As far as I could see there was no one on the beach. All the houses set back and dark. Completely alone, yet not alone at all. You know that feeling when you know someone is standing behind you? It was that feeling times 10, but in a really good way.


It felt surreal, like I'd stepped into a painting or a dream.


I didn't have to worry about anyone hearing me with the houses being up the beach and the sound of the water, so I felt completely comfortable walking and praying. Thanking God aloud for how awesome his creation is. How absolutely beautiful. No human hands could ever come close in a million years to anything so amazing.


Then as the sun came up I just walked and read aloud my favorite verses, played my favorite worship songs and sang along. It was absolutely heavenly and my heart was overflowing with joy. There seemed to be no sense of time, I couldn't believe it was a couple hours later when I went up to make some coffee. I went back down the beach and got cozy in a chair, at this point with my back to the water facing the trees because the sun was so bright. I prayed through my entire prayer list and then called a friend I haven't talked to in a while and we shared our latest God experiences and by the time I went up to the house it was 9:00!


I can't believe I was down there for 4 hours! Time flies when you're having fun : )


The next morning I tried to get up early hoping for a repeat, but I was too tired, and then yesterday I got up but it was overcast and though it was nice, peaceful quiet time it just wasn't the same. I think it was just a beautiful gift from God, an expression of His love, and not something I myself can make happen.


I think though that there is something special in those moments just before and during the dawn. Not something I can explain or quite put my finger on, but just something you can feel in your soul. Perhaps that is why “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed” (Mark 1:35) and “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16). 


It is soo hard to do, but I am always so blessed when I do it. And it often is when the most amazing things come to me as I pray, such as paintings I've done or things I've written or have been prompted to do for others. Probably too because at that time it is just you and God. Everything in the world hasn't had a chance to pop into your head yet.


Thinking back to the other morning I imagine that also is what was so awesome. I had no other thoughts in my head whatsoever. I was so overcome and in awe of God's creation and presence it was almost as if for that moment nothing else existed and no worry was anywhere near my mind.


And this is kinda off-subject, but I read somewhere the other day that when it says 'to fear the Lord' in the bible, the actual meaning/translation is somewhere closer to 'in awe of.' That it doesn't mean to be scared of God, it means to be in awe of him. Kinda like when Jason and I were standing on the beach at midnight the other evening. The stars were nearly overwhelming and absolutely amazing, and the sky seemed so HUGE and the dark waters in front of us an abyss. And I thought wow, if just standing here on this beach looking at this section of sky is this amazing, just a little crumb of God's creation, imagine coming face to face with God someday himself!!!


There are so many places in the bible where people are faced with God and they fall face-down trembling. And God many times says, "Do not be afraid!" He doesn't want us to walk around being 'scared' of Him. He wants us to be in AWE of Him. I think naturally there does come along some fear with that, like my thought on the beach of how HUGE God is and the thought of teeeeeeny little me standing before Him.


But he says to us "Don't be afraid!" And when we love and are in awe of Him, we have no need to be!