Venetian Sunshine

Almost 15 years ago now  I went to Italy. Just for a week, backpacked and stayed in hostels. I have tons of memories that feel like they were yesterday, have painted a few of them now.

In Venice I have this memory of being off the beaten path in what felt like a more residential area with laundry hanging, super colorful buildings, and not a lot of people around. When I search google, all I can find like this is Burano Island, a fishing village which matches my memories pretty much exactly, yet I read its 40 minutes from Venice and I know we didn't go there, lol.

My inspiration for the lady is kind of a celebration of where my heart and our marriage has grown to. In a couple weeks we will have been married 10 years! I would say the first 5 years things were slightly downhill, the last 5, things have been uphill. Thank God. Literally.

She is grinning at her husband who is inside flirting with her. She loves her husband, is happy in her cute little home, and is finding purpose in taking care of it and her family.

The next part might rile people up a bit, but its the truth for me and I'm sharing cause thats just how I roll ; )

Around 6 years ago or so when I really started believing and reading the bible, and finding it was bringing peace and wonderful things to my soul, I was NOT on board with the women submit to your husbands, or the not 'withholding' yourself if you know what I mean. Was very bothered by it. Can remember almost arguing with my friend Rebekah after she gave me a sermon about it and I think steam came out my ears.

BUT, on the same hand, it also tells the man to love the woman as himself. To lay down his life for her. I think 'lay down his life' means more than just literally die, but daily lay aside his own interests for the best interest of his wife.

Then I heard this woman on the radio talking about it one day. And she said at some conference they asked the audience if you could only have one, love or respect, for the rest of your life, what would you have. She said nearly all of the women said love, and nearly all of the men said respect. It got me thinking about it.

My husband doesn't really require anything crazy for me to submit to. He's not saying go scrub the floor with a toothbrush. But over the last couple years, I have started treating my husband with more appreciation and honor and respect, even when I felt he didn't totally 'deserve' it. I have fought him less on things, regarded him more as the man of the house, and have been much more available to him, if you know what i mean ;).

And naturally in return, he has treated me more lovingly, which in turn makes me more loving and attracted to him, and its like a snowball effect in a good way. And has been that way for quite a while now. We have bad days here and there of course, but most of the time, I feel loved and cherished, and he feels loved and respected, we are attracted to each other, and its a good thing. (and he does things like help around the house more and offers to use his poker winnings to pay for art classes :)

And the root cause of all this goodness is me deciding to go by God's word even when initially I was offended by it. But it has brought nothing but blessing and bonding upon us. God knows what we need even when we think we know better.

And the neatest is while he was taking the photos of me posing like a dork for this painting at midnight in the kitchen, we were talking about all of this. We both know clearly what God has done for our marriage, even if he isn't exactly where I am as far following Him. So intertwined in this painting is the memory of me posing like that and talking about all these things represented by it with him. : )

And I think its neat to know that over the years I am sure there have been women in this colorful little village who have come across the same truth and have leaned out the window to grab the laundry on a sunny day, looked out at the water and looked forward to their husband coming home from fishing : )

Chorazin

I have been meaning for a while to try and paint the feeling of the moment I experienced in these ruins in Chorazin in Israel. There wasn't actually water in there, but as I painted and was trying to convey the magical,  swirling, enveloping love and warmth I was surrounded by, it just kind of came out like this. And Jesus describes Himself as living water, so I kinda like that too : )

Journal entry from May 22nd 2007, the day I was there.

Today was beautiful. In the morning we went down to the shore where Jesus called out to Simon and Peter where they were fishing. There is a little waterfall shooting out onto the beach.

Then we went to Capernaum, where they have the remains of Peter's house, where Jesus also lived. And the synagogue, where Jesus shockingly preached that He is the bread of life.

Then we went to the Mount of Beatitudes where Jesus preached the Beatitudes to 5,000 people.

Then we went somewhere that changed me forever I know. The remains of a synagogue in Chorazin where Jesus preached. And Bill told the story of how Jewish men would become betrothed to their wives. Before they were married, they would sit with the woman and give her a glass of wine, saying "This is the covenant of my blood..." If the woman poured it out, she rejected him. But if she drank it, she was entering into a covenant, a promise with him, that she is pledged to him, and he will prepare a place for them in his families home, and when the place is ready for her, he will come back and get her.

So when Jesus presented the wine to the disciples and said "This is the covenant of my blood..." they knew he was saying this is a promise that he loves us and is pledged to us and he is going to prepare a place for us and he will be back for us.

You probably had to be there. Or you probably had to be me, but there was so much more said and it was maybe the most profound moment in my life. 

I was one of the last to come in, so I got a seat more by myself, more toward the center. I was sitting on the ground leaning my back against a column. All of the stones were a dark charcoalish color, and the ground was gravel of the same color. It was nice to be sitting more by myself because I was so overcome and I really cried. I just put my face in my knees and cried. I can still see the dark splotches falling onto the rocks through blurry eyes.

I felt SOOOOOO loved. I have never before or since felt such strong and tangible feeling of love as I did in that moment.

So cared for. So secure. So much more than had I even just been married. 

Jesus Christ. The beautiful, gorgeous, all-powerful and MIGHTY Messiah. Loves me. And I felt it. (And he loves you)

After we prayed, I weepily shared with the group how sad it is that there is so much adultery. People are looking for that 'in-love' feeling.

I left a space to continue writing, but never got around to it. I was just going to say that people are looking for that high. That in-love feeling we all know and love and is better than anything. And we seek it sometimes in ways that hurt us and hurt others and lead to nothing but brokenness and broken hearts and broken families and broken lives.

And all along there is our God, our Creator, who loves us more perfectly than anyone down here ever will. Who can fill our hearts to the brim with satisfaction, can fill our emptiness. Its so hard sometimes to slow down and take our eyes off everything we have going on and focus on Him, but when we do He will fill our hearts to the full. 

Sunflowers

Last Thursday my friend Lidia lost her ex-husband Rod tragically and unexpectedly. And her two young boys lost their Dad.

I know Lidia through a prayer group. 5 of us ladies, meet once a month at our friend's home. We have dinner and wine and talk and then we get out our bibles and pray together. We pray for the men in our lives, and each other, our loved ones, our world, and every other thing needed. Lidia and I joke we are like the Yaya Sisterhood, the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. : )

So last Friday, at 4 am, I awoke with a vision of sunflowers, blue sky, and Lidia. I figured I would paint it that weekend, thinking the funeral would be Monday or Tuesday, and would take to Lidia. But I couldn't go back to sleep and as I worked on finishing another painting I kept sensing I should do it NOW. I said ok Lord, I'll do it now. And it was quite emotional painting it. When i painted on the 'arms', I cried. Because it was like oh, i see what this is, even though I painted it, it was like someone else did and I felt so touched when I saw the little embrace, of Lidia holding her boys close.

I ended up finishing it in time to get ready for work and drop off at Lidia's house. She texted me later that she has been thinking about sunflowers a lot lately, just last month decided she is going to plant a bunch of them in her yard. Said they remind her of her mothers home in Tuscany. (And today she showed me several pieces of sunflower art throughout her home.)

And she told me that in Italian their meaning is Look to the Sun/Son. And that she took comfort in God showing her that we can look at the darkness, or we can look to Him for comfort and peace and hope.

So Sunday ended up being a small, intimate funeral, and she went to put the painting in the bag and planned to take with her to go along with her eulogy, and when she stuck it in it bumped on something, she said whats that and pulled it out. And it was the picture attached. It was taken on Fathers day.

A family member had given her the pics the day before, but she didn't make the connection, til that moment when she held them side by side. I had thought the flowers represented her and the boys, but obviously there was a different meaning.

When i looked at Rod's arms around his boys, and the flowers arms, and remembered the moment they came off my fingers and tears poured out, I exclaimed Oh My Gosh! And the sunflower leaves kind of mimic their hair, and the placement of their heads in the composition.

Just amazed. She said this has been a huge comfort to her and her boys, and I think its one of the most important amazing things I've ever been blessed to take part in or create.

In bible study last week they talked about how scripture reveals that we can't 'do' anything to make God love us more or less, but that when we delight in him, obey him, and seek him, He will demonstrate his Love to us more.

I have experienced this in so many precious countless ways over the last 5 years, this being one of the most moving. I am so thankful to be His.

Psalm 121:

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
   where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
   the Maker of heaven and earth.

Beneath the Starry Sky

Last Saturday Gianna and I slept in a tent for her first time at my nephews graduation party. I left the rain fly off even though there was a chance of rain because it was so terribly hot and wanted the circulation. It ended up being perfect because you look right up into the night sky. I fell asleep surrounded by the sounds of our family and friends, looking up into the stars as I prayed for them.

I awoke in the middle of the night with the moon so brightly shining in on us. In that moment I felt SO blessed, laying there with my little girl, God shining down on us. I felt so loved and protected and content. And I just can't believe this simple little painting, so perfectly captures the feeling I treasure in my heart.
: )

(And the little Moon poem I painted on ~ when I watched the story of Jaycee Dugard, who was kidnapped for 18 years. She said one of the things that comforted her was every time she saw the moon she would say that little poem her Mom used to say and remember the love her mom had for her. And during her time there she had 2 children, which is sad, but also was a huge blessing, because she loved them very much, found purpose and joy in taking care of them and teaching them, and her captor didn't touch her or them anymore after she had them. It is so amazing to me that she is alive and well and at peace after all those years, and I thought of her as I lay in the tent with just my little girl and the moon shining in.)

Tia

Have to get this sweet little story down. So simple but I keep thinking of it and know eventually I would just forget it and would be lost.

One evening last week I was just feeling a little blah. Jason wasn't home and I felt like getting out of the house. I'd already eaten but Gianna hadn't so I asked her if she wanted to go to Taco Bell. She said yes of course. But when we go to leave I realized I didn't have a carseat in my car, had left it at work after someone borrowed it.

She was so bummed and crying and whining. I called my Mom but no answer, thinking she'd come take us. I did NOT feel like riding my bike but I did. On the way there I prayed for God's Holy Spirit to be upon us and lift our own spirits and give us joy. And I said a couple verses like "this is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it" and "the joy of the Lord is my strength".

As we were sitting there in Taco Bell and I was watching Gianna eat this little girl comes up to our table. She was maybe two and very tiny. She just stands there her face upturned smiling the biggest smile at us. I asked what her name was but she just kept smiling. She puts her hand on Gianna's arm and smiles up into her face and Gianna said 'awww I love her.'

Her mom was in line and said Tia get over here. Tia ran to her mom but then flitted back to our table. She was like a little butterfly. Just kind of moving around our table, huge smile and shining eyes looking at us. Gianna and I were giggling and talking to her and she never talked back but just danced around us and smiled. Seemed like it was for 5 minutes or so.

Her Mom finally came and got her and we said bye and God bless you and as they are almost out the door Tia runs back to our table and hangs out again. Her mom patiently for at least a minute stood in the doorway waiting while she delightfully lifted our spirits. : )

As they finally left we said a prayer for them that they would have the same joy in their hearts she had brought into ours. Her smile left smiles on our faces too.

And then we left and got slurpees and as we drove home had the most beautiful sunset, where it had been grey on the way there.

I am just so grateful that whenever I am down and pray to God and ask Him to be present and lift me up He answers. He did the same on Saturday afternoon when I got into a bit of a funk.

Psalm 37:23 ~ The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. (NLT)

He cares and He hears us!

Steven

There's a guy near my house with what I'm guessing may be cerebral palsy. I wrote about him once but was quite a while ago.

For years I've occasionally seen him, going alone in his wheelchair, black wide brim hat, head down, kind of folded up in his wheelchair. Going at a snails pace down Farmington Rd. I wonder where on earth could he be going, because there are no houses for blocks and he goes sooooo slow.

A few years ago I felt God prompting me to stop and talk to him. Just that feeling I get when I know I'm supposed to do something. Hot feeling in my chest and can think of nothing but what I'm supposed to do. I stopped and talked to him with my heart beating wildly. Was hugely difficult for me to do. Every step like going against a strong current. Found out his name was Steven, could see was delighted to be spoken to, but felt bad I couldn't understand him very well.

I've stopped to talk to him probably 3 or 4 times since. Each time gets more comfortable. One day I blogged about him because God used him to lift me up when I was really down. And that day a couple stupid little frustrating mishaps happened to even get me on a different route home which caused me to end my day talking to him.

Last night on the way home from my Grandma's I saw him, haven't seen him since last fall. Gianna and I got out to talk to him. I wondered how she'd react, she's never met him. He looks different than most people she's used to. And his teeth look pretty bad, and his hands are kind of deformed and he's all doubled over and talks funny and his eyes kind of go different ways.

She was fine! And he was so happy to meet her. He laughed and told her she was cute and she laughed. He asked her how old she was and told us how old he is, 51. We prayed with Steven and I told him that some day we will be in heaven and he will be free from his struggles and we are going to dance together and I can't wait!!!! And he and Gianna laughed and giggled.

When we got in the car Gianna said someday his legs are gonna work good and his arms are gonna work good and he's gonna talk good and he's gonna get up out of that wheelchair!!!

And I said isn't it nice that God uses us to help make other people happy? How Stephen was laughing and so happy to meet Gianna and it made him happy? And she says 'he made us happy Mama! We were laughing!' Amazing. :o)

So tonight Gianna had a pretty bad nightmare. She said she saw a monster and was crying pretty hard for quite a while. We sang Jesus loves me like 5 times and then I said lets think of things that are pretty, things that make you happy. And we were saying sunsets and flowers and lakes and trees and sandcastles and up north and Aunt Cheryl's house and lots of good stuff and then Gianna says what was his name? And I said who? And she said by Grandma's house. And I say Steven? And she says 'yes! Thank you God for Steven. He makes me laugh. Make his legs work good.'

And we prayed for Steven and for God to keep his heart happy. And I was SOOOO touched, that lying in the dark, trying to shake off visions of a monster, it comforted Gianna to think of Steven! With his outward appearance I wouldn't imagine such a thing, but she saw his heart, his sweetness, his spirit.

Precious : )

Friends

Yesterday I was feeling bad for Gianna not having many friends. She doesn't go to daycare or preschool yet and 90% of the time she's around adults.

We were on a bouncy castle at a little church down the street and she kept yelling these are my friends mama!! And when they left she looked all sad.

Then we came home and my mom said she found Gianna a friend down the street, but when we went down there she couldn't play.

I tried calling our friends around the block but don't think they were home.

Gianna cried on the porch that she wanted a friend to play with and when other people walked by would say maybe they play with me?

I felt sad for her and we walked to the park. As we walked across the field the sky was gorgeous and I said lets pray Gianna. I prayed out loud for God to be with us and give us joy in our hearts. And for him to give us friends for Gianna. And even specifically said some Christian friends who love Jesus too.

We get to the playground and there was a young couple about my age with 4 kids there. And girls Gianna's age. They seemed really nice and their kids were so sweet and played so well together. The couple was sitting on the park bench talking and you could tell genuinely liked each other. I told them how beautiful their family was and was chatting with them a little while Gianna played. Strangely I felt like I just knew they had to be Christians and wanted to ask if they were but felt weird.

Then I thought one of the womans tattoos looked like it might have been a Jesus fish, but she moved, and then I saw Phillipians 4:13 tattooed on her other arm and was like you guys are Christians! She said when I told them how beautiful her family was she almost was going to say that's because we put God first!

I asked them if they go to a church in the area, and they go to my church!!! To the same service Jason and I go to when he's available. And they eat at the same place after lol.

And her name is Jennifer. And she loves taking pics of sunsets and posts them on Facebook. Sound familiar? lol!

I told them my prayer walking across the field and they couldn't believe it. Gianna played while we talked and the sun went down and Jennifer took pics of it with her husbands phone. We exchanged numbers and hugged and she said her best friend just moved to Syria and she feels like God just brought a new person into her life. And her oldest daughter walked up to us at one point and said you guys kinda look alike.

They said Gianna can come play whenever we want, they live on the other side of the park, and as we left her children were all calling out "Bye Gianna!!!"

As we walked away I said wow Gianna, we prayed for God to give us friends and He did!!!!!

And then I am attaching the coloring sheet they did this morning at church! Amazing!!!!!

And one other funny thing, yesterday morning I told Jason I keep thinking I might want to get a tattoo related to my faith, maybe one of my favorite verses. And then seeing her tattoo of her fav verse is what really connected us.

God is so cool! : )