Darkness into Light

4 years ago i was blessed to go to Israel. One of the locations we went to was Caesara Phillipi. This is what I wrote in my journal about what I experienced there:

I was given a gift, a sort of vision, as Pastor Brad was talking about being sure that we are enshrining Christ in our hearts, and not giving other things in our lives the place only God should occupy.

I got a very clear picture in my mind that my chest, the area around my heart, was glowing, and it was soooooo beautiful, like one of those glass mexican candles with beautiful art and scripture on them.

It tells me that the treasure of this world, or I should say, the most beautiful, sacred, holy treasure in the universe, more precious than diamonds and rubies, exists inside of me. (Just like in the bible it says our body is His temple.) God lives in my heart. He gifts me with his presence each day. He even goes to work with me. He makes me a holy vessel and carries me. I feel so blessed by God. It is amazing how He can love us all so perfectly and individually. He is so good.

One of my first paintings was an attempt at expressing this vision (the heart). It was pretty but nowhere near. This painting comes closer, but I know there will still be a better one to come!

But just as anxiety is a very real thing that dwells in your chest, that you can feel, that affects you, that is truly present, sometimes even making it hard to breathe ~ so is the light and love and peace of Christ. I experienced a miracle in the way He replaced all the darkness and turmoil inside me with light and peace. I still have my bad days, but I have many more that are filled with hope and sometimes a literal warmth and comfort in my chest.

2 Samuel 22:29 - You are my lamp o Lord, the Lord turns my darkness into light.

I am also including a drawing I did of myself in college, probably about 19 years old, long before God had any significant place in my life. I think they speak for themselves.

(It just hit me looking at these - I didn't pull out the old image until I was nearly done with the new one. Never had it in mind. Yet the composition is so similar, even off to the left a little. And the expression and difference in cold and warmth are obvious, but it just hit me that in the old one I look naked, bare, exposed, but in the new I have warm beautiful garments wrapped around my shoulders :o)

Other crazy thing is this painting of me is the biggest I've done. 20 x 24. And I never intended to do it that large, but had bought the canvas meaning to start a different painting. The new and old images are both the same size in real life.)

Rest and Peace

Last night I went to bed with something really bothering me, weighing heavily on my chest. Has been a while since I had that feeling. I was really tired and the thought of going through the next day seemed kinda overwhelming at the moment. I tearfully fell asleep. I woke up to Gianna calling for me as she does every night, usually around 4. I could have sworn I looked at the clock and it was almost 7. It felt like I had been sleeping a long time. But when I came back in my room the clock said 3:30. It confused me cause I even felt like it was 7 and I went in the living room to look at the clock, and it was 3:30.

I still had the weight of what was troubling me just pressing in on my chest. I knew I needed to pray about it. Starting with Phillipians 4:6-7 and just thanking God for a while, bringing to mind every good thing I am blessed with. Then I prayed a great prayer in the end of the book Walking with God by John Eldredge I keep coming back to. By the time I crawled back in bed it was 5. And I had PEACE! I set the alarm for 6:45. I woke up after what felt like sleeping for hours and thought oh no, I must have missed the alarm, but I looked over and it was only an hour later, 6:00!

I emailed my friend who knew what had been troubling me and shared with her what happened and the peace I had been given. My last sentence of my email said to her, regarding the feeling of several extra hours of sleep, that I felt like God had blessed me with some extra rest and refreshment.

Right after sending the email, a daily devotional I get emailed to me came through. The title of it for today- Sweet Dreams - and the scripture it was based on -

"It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eatingthe bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep."Psalm 127:2 (ESV)

So awesome. I dont' even remember ever hearing this scripture. He is so loving and when we just seek him with our hearts he loves to delight us in special little ways. I am so thankful to be His beloved! : )